


As the World Falls Away

by EmpressCactuar



Series: As the World Falls Away [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sad Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multi, Non-Canonical Character Death, Non-Explicit Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, eventual Armin/Jean, implied Eren/Armin, implied ymir/krista, some fluff here and there, vague OCs that aren't really important to the story overall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2020-12-24 08:16:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21096302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpressCactuar/pseuds/EmpressCactuar
Summary: AU where Reiner and Bertholdt are Paradisans who join the military after the fall of Wall Maria.This fic will have two endings, one in line with the kink meme request that inspired this fic and the other the direction I would rather it go.(Or, what if they weren't traitors, and their cover story was the truth?)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I won't be posting the kink meme request that inspired this fic here because I don't feel like it'd be appropriate here, especially because this fic might get long and the request would literally only be about one of the two ends I have in mind. I'll post the kink meme ending as a separate ficlet when the time comes.

“Dad said that Dr. Jaeger is coming back soon,” The words broke the ambient sounds of nature as two young boys walked along the edge of the forest, each gathering wood and tying it into bundles. The blonde was tying his into larger, heavier bundles, though not by much. “Dad needs to get more medicine from him,” 

“Mom said something about that, he’s going to see Aunt Marie too while he’s here,” Birds flew overhead as though disturbed by something within the forest, the two of them looking to see a deer wandering behind some trees, unaware of their presence. The blonde gasped quietly and tugged his friend’s sleeve, pointing out the sight with hushed whispers as to not frighten the stag away. “Bertholdt! Look!” 

Bertholdt watched the stag, its antlers dotted with several points. Occasionally it would bend down and take some grass into its mouth, turning and surveying its surroundings frequently. Bertholdt’s mouth hung open in awe. “Wow, I’ve never seen one with such big antlers!” 

Though his words were barely over a whisper, it almost seemed as though the deer had heard them, turning away and galloping back into the woods. Their faces fell in disappointment as the deer left, a soft breeze blowing through their hair as they stood alone. They stood for a moment watching the empty forest line, birds returning to the area and filling the air with their sweet songs. 

“Sorry, Reiner, I didn’t mean to scare him away,” Bertholdt scratched the back of his head before bending over to grab another piece of wood, tucking it under his arm with the bundle he was putting together. Reiner laughed at the comment, Bertholdt looking at him in confusion. 

“Look at you, you’re finally scary to something,” Reiner joked, Bertholdt frowning and punching the blonde’s arm lightly. Reiner scratched his nose, the cool mountain air pleasant on his skin. The dew on the grass was making his shoes wet; he’d clean all the dead grass that would cling to them later. Better grass than covered in mud. “I’m just joking, Bertl,” 

“I know,” Bertholdt put down his bundle and took out the twine that Reiner had gotten from his mother, tying the wood firmly before Reiner helped secure what he had to his back. The load was becoming heavier. They were plenty strong for their ages, carrying wood every couple of mornings. But that didn’t mean they wanted to push themselves to the limit or strain their backs just to carry as much as possible. “Do you think we have enough?” 

“Yeah, it looks fine,” Reiner said, tying his own last bundle up and Bertholdt helping him to secure it to his back. “If mom wants more she’ll just send me out later to get it anyways, but we still have some leftover from last time,” 

The two began walking back towards their isolated village. Their town wasn’t even on any of the maps; how many people lived there? Fifty? There were only a couple of families, and the town had been shrinking anyways as people left for larger towns to marry and start families. 

Bertholdt broke the peaceful silence of their walk, the sun starting to rise higher over the horizon and the air warming up. “Dad hasn’t been doing well lately…” 

“Is he able to walk?” Reiner asked, feeling guilty when Bertholdt looked at the ground, forlorn. 

“Sometimes. He has to stay in bed most of the time. It gets better after Dr. Jaeger visits, but it’s been a while,” Bertholdt sighed, but perked his head up. “That just means when Dr. Jaeger comes back soon, dad and I can play together and he can teach me how to hunt more,” 

Reiner laughed. “You’re a natural shot, I’ve had trouble with my aim when I try to shoot arrows. I think I’m more suited to field work,” The tiny settlement came into view as Reiner and Bertholdt descended slowly down the incline. Smoke billowed from the chimneys of a couple of the small houses, some forms dotting the landscape. A woman was outside hanging clothes on a clothesline, and a man had a gun with a duck in hand. “Maybe when you get better you can share the duck you kill with me,” 

“You can come and eat duck whenever you want, Reiner,” Bertholdt responded, nearly slipping down the hill and Reiner grabbing the back of his green coat, holding him steady. They came into town, their neighbors nodding at them in acknowledgement as they ran through to Bertholdt’s house, turning it into a footrace of sorts. Bertholdt, being slightly taller and leaner, overtook his friend and arrived home first, Reiner arriving moments later. 

“Damn, why are you so fast?” Reiner panted, hands on his knees as he caught his breath. Bertholdt pushed the door of his home open, Reiner following in after him. 

“Mom, dad, I’m home,” Bertholdt announced, his mother preparing a rabbit to cook in a stew later. Bertholdt unloaded his bundle of wood into the space for it, Reiner setting his down to take the load off his back until he took his own home. 

“You two got a lot today,” Bertholdt’s mother said, looking at what all her son had brought. “Did you two compete to see who could get more or something?” 

Reiner snickered when Bertholdt replied. “No, just a lot on the ground today,” 

“He’s just saying that ‘cause I would’ve won,” Reiner added, earning a chuckle from Bertholdt’s mother and a glare from Bertholdt. 

“How’s Karina and Marie, Reiner?” Bertholdt’s mother asked while she cut up the carrots she had. 

“Mom is fine, she’s been riding our horse into town to work more, so I haven’t seen her for a few days. And Dr. Jaeger is coming to see Aunt Marie, to check on the baby,” Reiner accepted the bowl of porridge offered by Bertholdt, who had prepared two bowls. Reiner’s family wasn’t as well-off, his mother burdened with parenthood by herself since Reiner’s father skipped town the week Karina found out she was pregnant. 

“Mom, does dad need a bowl?” Bertholdt asked, before going ahead to prepare more. 

“No, sweetie, dad already ate this morning,” his mother responded. “How far along is Marie, Reiner? Do you want your new cousin to be a boy or girl?” 

“I want a boy! He’ll be like my little brother,” Reiner said excitedly. “But Aunt Marie thinks it’s a girl. She wants to name her Gabi. But if it’s a boy she’ll name him Moses. I think this is Dr. Jaeger’s last checkup before the baby is born,” Reiner continually scooped the porridge into his mouth, the breakfast making the hunger pains subside. He drank the water he was offered eagerly. 

Bertholdt and Reiner finished their food, both helping to clean the dishes before Reiner grabbed his wood to return home with. Karina would be gone, but his aunt would be around. Then it would be time for him to go tend to the pair of cows and the chickens his family owned. 

“Dad, are you up?” Bertholdt asked as he opened the door to his parent’s bedroom. Bertholdt’s father was sitting up in the bed, his back against the makeshift headboard. A book was in his hands, a stack of them on the ground next to the bed. When Karina went to town, Bertholdt’s family would request she bring back books for him and exchange goods for her and Reiner. 

“Hey, Bertholdt,” his father bent the corner of a page in the book, setting it aside and patting the bed next to him. Bertholdt sat on the bed next to his father, his father pulling him in for a hug. “How’s my boy doing?” 

“I got lots of wood, Reiner and I saw a huge deer earlier,” Bertholdt recounted the story to his father, who listened intently. “When Dr. Jaeger comes and makes you better again, can you show me how to hunt more? I want to be able to bring home more deer and duck,” 

“Of course, son. As soon as I’m able,” Bertholdt’s father ruffled his son’s black hair in his hand, earning an affectionate smile. “Have you been reviewing the books I gave you and Reiner about which plants are safe and which aren’t?” 

“Well, sorta…” Bertholdt scratched the back of his head. “Reiner was more interested in it, so he’s been doing it a lot more than me. We went looking for berries the other day and he could pick out what was okay,” 

“Now, Bertholdt, you never know when something like that could be useful. Promise me you’ll look at the stuff I gave you?” Bertholdt felt guilty, even though his father didn’t seem genuinely upset at all. He nodded at his father. 

“Dad?” 

“Yes, son?” 

“You’re… going to get better soon, right? And not need Dr. Jaeger to come around to fix you?” Bertholdt’s lip quivered as he asked. He missed when his father was able to play with him, and would play with Reiner too, and they would all run through fall leaves. Or throw snowballs at one another. He missed his dad holding him steady as he shot his first rabbit, or helping him learn to shoot squirrel. 

“I… don’t know, son,” his father admitted, Bertholdt’s face falling in response. His father’s mouth set into a hard line at the sight of his son’s eyes welling with tears, before a gentle smile crossed his features. “Now, now, I’m sure it’ll be okay. Dr. Jaeger’s the best around,” 

Bertholdt nodded, wiping at his eyes. 

  


Reiner unloaded the wood in his small home, his aunt outside feeding the chickens they kept. He joined her outside, moving towards the pair of cattle they kept and got milk from. “Hey, Aunt Marie?” 

His aunt turned towards him as she scattered feed for the chickens on the ground, an empty basket in her arm for when she collected the eggs they had laid. “Oh, I didn’t hear you get back. Yes?” 

“Have Bucket and Cranberry been milked?” Reiner asked, unsure of whether to grab the tin buckets. 

“No, could you go ahead and take care of that for me while I get the eggs?” Marie rubbed at her lower back, her body strained by her stomach. Reiner frowned and approached Marie, taking the basket from her. 

“I’ll get the eggs, you need to sit down. Uncle Tobias won’t be happy if you do all the work while he and mom are in town working,” Marie handed the basket to her nephew without protest, a hand on her stomach. 

“Thank you, Reiner… this pregnancy is being awfully hard on me, especially with my sister and husband away,” Reiner set the basket down by the tin buckets, intending on milking the cattle first. After that he could feed them, and Marie had already fed the chickens. He could get the eggs last. 

“It’s okay Aunt Marie. I put the wood inside, and Bertholdt gave me porridge so don’t make anything for me,” 

“You’re a good kid, Reiner. I’m glad Gabi is going to have a cousin like you,” Marie smiled at her nephew, Reiner grinning back in response. 

“Not Gabi! Moses!” Reiner picked up the buckets and walked to the cattle, scratching their faces. They’d had Cranberry and Bucket for years; when Karina and Tobias saved up enough from working to get them, they let Reiner and his friend Bertholdt name them. Reiner had named Cranberry, Bertholdt named Bucket. 

Reiner set aside the buckets when he finished, feeding the cattle and secretly giving Cranberry just a little more food because he liked her more. Gathering the eggs was easy. He liked the chickens, they were… cute. Somthing about them made him smile, anyways. 

“Mom and Uncle Tobias are supposed to be back soon, right?” Reiner asked as he took the milk and eggs into his home. Marie was sewing some patches into an old smock of Reiner’s, the boy always getting into trouble and accidentally ripping his clothes. 

“Yes, they’re leaving tonight and will be back around dawn tomorrow. You and Bertholdt will probably already be up, since you two like going out in the mornings. I’m sure by the time you get back they’ll be home,” 

“Sounds good. I’ve missed mom,” He didn’t get to see her as much as he liked. He was a little jealous of Bertholdt in that regard. His mother was around a lot more, and even though he was sick, Bertholdt’s father was around too. Not that he didn’t love his Aunt Marie and Uncle Tobias, but… he wanted his parents. What was his dad even like? 

“I know, sweetie. They’ll be back soon enough. Why don’t you go do something with Bertholdt in the meantime, since we’ve already fed and taken care of the animals? Or that girl in town, Liza? I think I’m going to settle down for a nap,” Marie yawned, her hands resting on her stomach as she rocked back and forth in her chair. 

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” Reiner said, patting his aunt’s belly before leaving. Marie laughed gently and got up, heading to the room she shared with her husband. 

Reiner jogged to his friend’s house. The day was still young, maybe they could go into the forest and work on building that fort they had started. 

Maybe they could get it done in the next few days, if they really worked at it! 


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner’s face fell into a frown as they approached the village, confusion etched onto his face when they arrived. Bertholdt’s face matched his companion's, looking around confused as the first rays of sunshine started to rise over the horizon. “Hey… what’s wrong with the horses?”

Bertholdt rubbed his eyes sleepily, getting dressed more slowly than he typically would. The stars still twinkled overhead as he slipped out of his home, leaving a note for his parents telling them he was out with Reiner again. The dew on the grass soaked into the fabric on the bottom of his pants as he walked towards Reiner’s house, his friend meeting him on his own walk to Bertholdt’s home. 

“Hey, Bertl, you actually got out of the house before I got there,” Reiner teased, pulling his friend into a headlock for a noogie. Bertholdt squirmed and tried to escape, but only wound up laughing in the end when Reiner’s knuckles dug into his scalp. 

“Hey, I’m not late, you’re always just early is all,” Bertholdt protested, Reiner releasing his grip and letting him go. “Why did you want to go out this early again? It’s not like we couldn’t have just waited,” 

Reiner crossed his arms. “If you didn’t want to come with me, you would’ve just stayed in bed,” He raised an eyebrow at his friend, Bertholdt shrugging his shoulders. “My mom and Uncle Tobias are coming home today, so once they’re back I’m probably not going to see you since I’ll be busy,” 

“Busy with what?” Bertholdt asked curiously. 

“Telling them about all the stuff I’ve done since they left! It’s important,” Bertholdt smiled at Reiner’s insistence that his mom listen to his stories. Admittedly, he’d do the same to his parents if they left for work for days to weeks at a time. 

The two made their way to the tree line, going down the familiar path to where they had started building their fort. They had been working on gathering wood to put the fort together, and now Reiner had procured a good amount of twine to help secure it as they built the small structure. Bertholdt had selected the tree that would help support the fort. While Reiner focused on tying branches together with the twine, Bertholdt carefully studied the book his father had given him. 

“I thought you weren’t interested in that, Bertl,” Reiner said as he focused on tying another knot. Got to make sure everything is secure so Bertholdt doesn’t have to drag him home and tell his mom why he got hurt if the fort fell apart. 

“My dad said he thought it’s important stuff to know,” Bertholdt looked at the illustrations in his book, comparing them to the foliage around them. “I know he’s right,” 

“Maybe in a few days we can come out and go find some berries,” Reiner’s mouth watered a little when he thought about the tart, sour taste of the berries his mom had brought back from town the last time she returned. “Your dad will need to check them first, though,” 

“That sounds nice,” Bertholdt put the book down on the ground and sat up, helping Reiner to assemble the fort. They worked together and joked with one another for some time, the two eventually stopping. Reiner picked up Bertholdt’s book and tucked it under his arm. “What are you doing?” 

“Oh, sorry. I just assumed you’d be fine if I took it and looked at it a little more. Here,” Reiner held the book back out, Bertholdt waving his hand. 

“No, it’s fine. Dad has plenty of things to read, and I’m not going to come out here foraging alone anyways,” Bertholdt stretched out his arms as they turned and started to head back to the village. It would be dawn soon, best for them to return home before everyone started on their daily routines so they could get chores done. 

“I’m going to cook some of the eggs this morning for mom and Uncle Tobias if you want to come over later. The hens have been laying well lately,” Reiner offered, Bertholdt nodding. 

“I might do that. Eggs sound good,” Reiner’s face fell into a frown as they approached the village, confusion etched onto his face when they arrived. Bertholdt’s face matched his companions, looking around confused as the first rays of sunshine started to rise over the horizon. “Hey… what’s wrong with the horses?” 

Some households began stirring, residents blearily coming out of their homes to check on the horses. They were whinnying much more than normal; the horses were moving skittishly and efforts to calm them down failing for the most part, the villagers seeming frustrated as a result. The ground began vibrating softly, Reiner and Bertholdt staring at their feet before looking at each other. A rumbling sound came from the distance, steadily becoming louder. 

“Hey, Bertl, I’m going to check on the animals at home. Cranberry and Bucket might be getting upset. I’ll see you later,” Bertholdt nodded at his friend as he headed towards his own home, his mother standing outside trying to calm down their horse. 

“Mom, what’s wrong with Lilly?” Bertholdt asked as he approached, the horse repeatedly bucking up and his mother failing to calm her. “All the horses in town were acting up, too…” The rumbling became louder, fear winding up in his belly. What was going on? 

“I don’t know, sweetie. Go tell your father I’ve got it under control,” Bertholdt obeyed, going to his father’s room. His father was rolled up in bed, a small stack on books on the ground toppling as the thuds and rumbling became louder. 

“Dad, something is happening…” Bertholdt started as he approached, putting a hand against the wall. “I’m scared,” 

“Son, it’s okay,” Bertholdt’s father leaned forward in the bed, turning and attempting to stand. He shakily stood, an arm against the wall helping to prop him up. Using the wall as leverage on one side, and grabbing the cane he used, he made his way towards his son. He was winded by the time he made it to the doorway. “We just-” 

Bertholdt’s father was cut off by the sound of a blood-curdling shriek, followed by silence. Bertholdt’s arms grabbed toward the window, pulling it open in an instant to see what was outside. 

A massive, grinning face met his own, Bertholdt’s mouth flying open and his eyes widening as he stepped back. “T-Ti… Titan!?” Bertholdt couldn’t help but shriek, his father’s face sporting a look of sheer panic before he focused solely on Bertholdt. 

“Bertholdt! Get out, now!” His father barked, the titan outside going out of view as it backed away, before the window caved in as the titan tried to stick its hand in through the window. “Leave! Now!” 

“I can’t just leave you, dad!” Bertholdt quickly tried to duck under his father to grab and carry him, his father jerking away and falling to his feet, back to the wall. 

“You know as well as I do that I can’t run,” Bertholdt’s mouth widened in panic, tears streaming down his face. He felt like he was going to puke. The titan’s arm withdrew again. 

“I-I can carry you! Lilly can-” The arm started reaching in again, coming further inside this time. Panicked screaming sounded from outside, the sounds of horses on the move becoming apparent. 

“We’ll both die if you stay here any longer! Get out, now!” Bertholdt bit down hard, grinding his teeth at the sight of his bedridden father sagging against the wall. He closed his eyes and bent down, pulling his father into a tight embrace before letting go quickly. Bertholdt heard his father shout as he ran out the room. “I love you! Remember that, Bertholdt!” 

Bertholdt ran out the front door, the sound of his house starting to cave in behind him crashing around in his ears as he turned to look in horror. The titan he had seen through the window had his struggling father in its hands, quickly bringing him to its mouth. 

He wouldn’t forget the sight of his father being bitten in half for as long as he’d live. He looked to the side of his home, disembodied legs where his mother stood on the ground amid a puddle of blood, spatter everywhere. The pin had opened, Lilly long gone. He closed his eyes tight and ran towards the center of town. Two of his friends, Liza and Elric, were panicking as an old man that Bertholdt recognized was on a horse. 

“Please! Let me on! My parent’s horse ran! They’re dead!” Liza sobbed, her black ponytail messy. She must’ve just gotten up. Elric looked shell-shocked, not saying anything as he blankly stared at the old man. 

The old man stared at them before his mouth set into a hard line, the horse carrying him away while titans continually descended upon the town. Bertholdt’s legs turned to jelly and he fell to his knees, turning back to look at his home. The titan that ate his father had moved, blood dripping down its face as the next home was levelled, a small child being plucked from the building. 

He turned away. 

People kept running around him, screaming making his head hurt as the world spun around him. No matter which direction he looked, titans were grabbing people he knew and cared about. 

The smaller titan with black hair just ate Liza, who his mom said would be a nice person to spend time with. She liked horses and sweets. That titan with the big eyes just ate Ella, who his dad would have over to chat about what books they had read recently. She just had her first granddaughter. 

“There he is!” Bertholdt looked up, his entire form shaking as he nearly curled into a ball. Why did he stop running all of a sudden? Why was his body freezing up like this? That horse was coming straight for him…? 

The horses came to an immediate stop as a large man jumped off one, scooping him up quickly and putting him onto the horse. The man hopped onto the horse behind him, his body surrounding Bertholdt’s as he leaned forward and grabbed the reigns. Bertholdt looked up in confusion, his mind running so fast it couldn’t process. 

Stocky man… beard… horse… Tobias? Bertholdt looked at the other horse and saw a familiar blonde woman, with a boy in front of her. 

Reiner? His hair had blood in it, his eyes wide as he stared at the ground. He was holding something in his hands, but Reiner himself barely moved. 

“Tobias! Let’s go!” Karina yelled as she and Tobias turned their horses around, speeding down the incline as the titans continued their assault on the village. Bertholdt buried his face in his hands as the sounds of screaming faded off into the distance. Reiner’s uncle, Tobias, wrapped an arm around Bertholdt’s torso and pulled him against him. 

“We’re going to keep you safe, kiddo,” Bertholdt felt like he couldn’t breathe, holding his breath as he vaguely nodded. He couldn’t help but notice that Tobias’s chest was heaving, and that there were tears streaming down his face as they rode. 

  


Bertholdt’s eyes slammed open, his body rising. The sounds of bells tolling rang through the air. Reiner was staring at the ground next to him, his arms crossed as he sat on the floor cross-legged. They were on some sort of mat? There were a lot of people in here on mats. He groggily turned his face, Reiner noticing the movement. 

“Where are we?” Bertholdt squeaked. Reiner handed Bertholdt a decanter with some water in it. 

“We’re inside Wall Rose,” Reiner started, Bertholdt leaning up and wiping at his mouth before handing the decanter back. Reiner took a sip and put it back down. “All the refugees got sent here,” 

Visions of his father being grabbed and his mother’s legs on the ground outside filled his mind, Bertholdt squeezing his eyes shut and clutching at his hair. Reiner noticed the movement and put an arm around Bertholdt’s back. “Mom… dad… they’re,” 

“I’m sorry, Bertl…” Reiner said, rubbing circles in the back of his friend’s back. Bertholdt looked up through his tears when he heard Reiner start sniffling, his form heaving before he covered his face with his hands. “Aunt Marie… and Moses, or… Gabi…” Bertholdt’s stomach dropped when he understood. He couldn’t help but choke out a sob and he pulled Reiner into a hug, the other’s arms wrapping around his as they cried into one another. 

The two wore themselves out eventually, Reiner standing first and offering a hand to Bertholdt. They walked around aimlessly, not particularly sure where to go. It was warm outside, but crowded and uncomfortable. Karina and Tobias had told Reiner they would return after they got some supplies. 

There were three other kids on another mat nearby. A blonde girl, a boy with reddish-blonde hair in an undercut, and a boy with sandy blonde hair. The blonde girl looked more distressed than the other two, but all three looked dead-tired. 

Lots of orphans, he were sure. Bertholdt blinked absentmindedly at the thought. He was an orphan now too. His stomach twisted at the thought before a hunger pain struck him. “I’m hungry…” Bertholdt mumbled, the two returning to their own mat. 

“Someone said they were going to be giving out rations outside soon,” Reiner added quietly. Bertholdt stood closely by his friend as they walked. The air quickly felt too hot; there were too many people, and it was already warm outside. They got into the line people had been standing in to get their rations. 

“Hmph, why do we have to share with all these refugees, the titans could’ve at least eaten a few more,” Reiner glanced over at the Garrison soldier who had made the comment, looking at the line of refugees. “Now there’s even less food-” 

The soldier grunted in pain, Bertholdt and Reiner turning and seeing a young boy with brown hair kick the Garrison soldier in the shin. 

“Ow! What are you doing, you stupid kid?” The Garrison soldier kicked the brown-haired boy, the second soldier kicking him while he was down. 

“You don’t know what it’s like! Watching them eat people!” The kid screamed, Bertholdt sweating as he recalled the sight of his village being consumed. A blonde boy ran in between the soldier and the kid, his arms out defensively. 

“We’re sorry! He’s just tired, and hungry. He isn’t normally this rude to adults,” Reiner blinked. The blonde kid was defending the other one. They must be friends. “We’re really, really sorry,” 

“Even a kid should show gratitude. We’re the ones keeping you fed, after all,” The soldier walked away, the blonde boy and a girl with a scarf leading the argumentative one away. 

They got to the front of the line, the soldier looking at them sadly. She grabbed a third small loaf and tore it in half, giving them each a little extra. Reiner smiled at her as they walked away, both of them taking a bite out of their food as they walked back to the storehouse they were going to be staying in. 

“I don’t need this!” The brown-haired kid threw his loaf of bread at the blonde. 

“Eren, you have to eat or you’ll starve!” Reiner stopped walking and stood behind a stack of boxes, listening to the conversation. Bertholdt joined him, mindlessly nibbling on the extra half he was given. 

“We can’t just keep depending on them!” 

“We have to, we can’t beat the titans! It’s impossible, we can’t do anything but stay inside the walls. If you do something stupid you’ll die like mom and dad!” Oh. This boy’s parents were dead before the walls fell? Poor kid. 

“Then live your life like cattle, you weak-” The yelling was cut short as the girl punched the boy the blonde had called Eren. Reiner looked surprised at the sudden movement on her part as he peeked over the crate. 

“Mikasa?” 

“If Armin is weak we are too. We couldn’t run ourselves, we couldn’t get this food ourselves. We can’t do a thing,” Bertholdt sighed. She was right. They were all weak. They were. He was too. And Reiner. “All we can do is survive. I promised your mother I would keep you alive. Eat, and live,” 

Bertholdt and Reiner slipped back into the storehouse from behind the crate. They made their way to their mat, Karina and Tobias sitting there. They looked absolutely exhausted, and Bertholdt could tell Tobias had been crying a great deal. 

Karina brought both of them in for a hug, an arm around each and a hand running through their hair. “Bertholdt,” 

“Yes, ma’am?” Karina chuckled at that. 

“I’ve told you for years to just call me Karina,” She let the two of them go, both opting to sit cross-legged beside Karina and Tobias. “I’m… sorry. That we couldn’t save your parents,” 

“It isn’t your fault, Karina,” Bertholdt mumbled, Reiner chewing on his bread and rubbing Bertholdt’s back up and down. 

“We’ll take care of you,” Tobias added, producing two extra loaves of bread and handing one each to Reiner and Bertholdt. “We got some extra because we have kids, so eat,” 

“Bertholdt. I know we aren’t your parents, but...” Karina stroked Bertholdt’s cheek as he cried silent tears, wiping them away carefully. “You’re still family to us,” He nodded into her hand. “Reiner had an old book with him when I grabbed him, he said it was yours. I kept it safe for you,” 

Bertholdt turned to Reiner, who was sipping some water. “It was the one your dad gave you,” 

“Oh. Thank you,” Tobias got up, telling the other three he was going to try and find some work in the meantime. If they had some extra money, maybe they could procure some extra rations. 

Reiner leaned against Bertholdt and closed his eyes. 

  


The food shortage only got worse as time went on. Eventually all refugees were sent to plow the fields in an attempt to produce more food, the conditions harsh given the impending winter. The work did little to alleviate the food shortage, as there were still so many mouths to feed and so much less land to work. 

Eventually they just got used to the hunger pains, until they just stopped noticing it or it went away. 

For a long while, Bertholdt cried himself to sleep every night. Reiner would hold him while he cried; Bertholdt had lost more than him, and he still had his mother and uncle to care for them. If Bertholdt needed someone to be strong, he would do it. 

The next year, however, the central government had made a declaration. All refugees over the age of seventeen were to be sent out on a recovery mission to take back Wall Maria. Reiner had just turned thirteen, Bertholdt still twelve; they would be left behind while Karina and Tobias were sent away. 

Reiner had thrown up when he learned the news. 

The day had eventually come, though, when all the refugees were sent away. 

Reiner stood near the open gate, Karina and Tobias standing in front of him. Bertholdt stood behind Reiner, Reiner looking at the ground sadly. Karina held Reiner’s cheek as tears flowed down his face. 

“Reiner… I love you,” Karina pressed a gentle kiss to Reiner’s forehead, him now slightly taller than her after a growth spurt. She took off her scarf that she wore over her head and wrapped it around her son. “Please, stay safe. You and Bertholdt both. Stay alive, and…” Karina’s head lowered to the ground, Reiner reaching forward to wipe away his mother’s tears and smiling a sad smile at her as she sniffled. 

“We’re both so proud of you, and I know wherever she is Marie is too,” Tobias added, his beard rubbing against Reiner’s face as he hugged him. “Live lives you can be proud of. I’ll miss you… both of you,” Tobias removed his wedding ring, placing it firmly into Reiner’s hand. He took off his hat and put it on Bertholdt’s head. 

The Military Police soldier nearby cleared his throat, getting their attention. Karina and Tobias nodded at him, Karina pulling Reiner back in to kiss his cheeks. “Please, Reiner, go on and live a happy life. Don’t ever forget I love you,” 

“I’ll miss you, Uncle Tobias. And mom,” Reiner held his mom close. “I’ll live on,” 

“Thank you,” Karina pulled away, turning her back to her son and Tobias following suit. Bertholdt noticed Reiner’s form quivering as Karina and Tobias disappeared into the crowd, moving towards the open gate into territory outside Wall Rose. He put a hand on Reiner’s back, Reiner turning around and burying his face into Bertholdt’s chest as he cried. 

How many nights had Reiner held him after he lost his parents? He needed Reiner to be strong for him then… he could be strong for Reiner now. Bertholdt held tight, his eyes burning as the two who cared for him as well disappeared from their lives forever. He stroked Reiner’s hair delicately as he felt his own face wet with tears. 

  


Only about one hundred people returned from the mission to retake Wall Maria, of the over 250,000 sent. Their sacrifice did help to relieve the famine, hunger pains fading from Bertholdt and Reiner’s daily reality as time went on. They started gaining weight and growing more as they blossomed into adolescence. Reiner managed to get much more muscle than Bertholdt despite doing the same amount of work, while Bertholdt was consistently the taller of the two with each growth spurt. 

They found themselves wandering and taking up work wherever they could get it, eventually coming to stay at a noble’s estate and working the fields there. They had a place to live, and they had food to eat. Sometimes at night, Reiner would go outside and sit under the stars, Bertholdt joining him as they watched the sky move together. Occasionally, Reiner would lean against Bertholdt and close his eyes, Bertholdt’s heart beating just a little faster when that blonde hair rustled against him. 

“Bertholdt,” Reiner started as they sat outside one night. It was warm and clear, mid-summer. The stars shined and twinkled overhead as he leaned back against the side of the small shack they called home on the estate’s property. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, feeling the air was too warm and he had worked too hard that day to bother. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” 

“About what?” Bertholdt ate a piece of sweet roll, a rare treat from the noble they served for working the land. 

“I was thinking… maybe we should enlist in the military,” Bertholdt’s eyebrows rose, Reiner looking worried. “O-or just me, if you didn’t want to,” 

“Why do you want to enlist?” They hadn’t ever really talked much about the military. They didn’t live in a city nor along the edge of the wall; Bertholdt had gone days and weeks at a time without ever seeing a soldier. 

“I… want to feel safer,” Reiner admitted. “Sometimes I think about that kid we saw when the wall fell. He wanted to kill all titans, but I don’t care about them. Or revenge. I just want to protect what _I_ care about,” 

Bertholdt handed a piece of sweet roll to Reiner, Reiner smiling as he took it and bit into it. “What do you want to protect?” 

“The two most important things to me. My life. Your life. If we enlist, we could work hard and try to make it to the Military Police,” Reiner took another bite and savored the sweet flavor. Maybe he’d save some of the money they got from working the fields and he could buy them some extra sweets. 

“The Military Police?” Bertholdt thought, stroking his chin. No hair. Reiner got stubble, but always shaved it off. Surely he could have a beard if he wanted one. “Do you think you’d be happy?” 

Reiner looked seriously at Bertholdt at the question, turning to face him completely. Bertholdt couldn’t even begin to read Reiner’s expression. Reiner put his hands on Bertholdt’s shoulders, squeezing them. 

“Bertholdt. I’m happy now. I… I’ll be happy wherever I go, if you stay with me,” Reiner’s face flushed as he looked at the ground. Bertholdt felt his face get warm at the sight of Reiner looking down nervously and his hands squeezing. 

“I’m happy with you too, Reiner,” Bertholdt managed to get out. “Being Military Police with you… that would be nice,” Reiner looked back up at Bertholdt, his mouth open ever so slightly. He swallowed, his throat dry, as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Bertholdt’s softly. 

Bertholdt stared at Reiner in surprise, Reiner’s expression turning to one of distress at Bertholdt’s lack of reaction. “I-I’m sorry, Bertl, I-” Bertholdt put his hand on the nape of Reiner’s neck, leaning forward and pushing his lips against Reiner’s, closing his eyes. When he pulled back away and opened his eyes again, Reiner’s mouth hung open slightly with stars in his eyes. 

“Reiner. Let’s enlist,” Bertholdt put his own hands on Reiner’s shoulders, rubbing his thumbs along the base of Reiner’s neck. “We’ll join the Military Police. Maybe we’ll get stationed all sorts of places, and we can travel the inside of the walls together,” 

Reiner laughed, feeling moisture prickling at the corners of his eyes. “Yeah. I want to see this world, with you,” Reiner sat down on the grass, laying back and staring at the sky. Bertholdt laid down beside him, nuzzling closer. Reiner’s head rested in the crook of Bertholdt’s neck as they watched the stars. “The stars are the same as they were when we went out back home,” Reiner sighed. 

“They are. They’re gorgeous,” Bertholdt’s eyes fell half-shut as he remembered watching the stars with his father and mother. “Reiner, thank you,” 

“For what?” 

“Staying with me,” 

“I could say the same,” Reiner chuckled softly. “Thank you. I think the next time to enlist is in a few months,” 

“Let’s do it. Together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got another chapter down, I wanted something up beyond the prologue while I work on that other fic of mine.  
I have a mini vacation from work soon so I might be able to get more written next week.


	3. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco understood then why Shadis passed them up in the entrance ceremony.

Reiner grit his teeth, hard, straining and pushing against the pole he and Bertholdt were using to uproot the tree stump in the ground. He eased up after a moment, Bertholdt pushing from the other side. The stump was in the way for where the next plot for crops was to be planted when growing season began again, and it was their job to do the uprooting. They were significantly younger than many of the others working the fields on the noble’s estate, so harder labor often fell on them because their bodies could handle it. 

With a heavy grunt, the stump finally came out, Bertholdt wiping at his brow and looking at their work with satisfaction. “Finally got that one done,” Reiner nodded at Bertholdt’s words, wiping his own brow. “I’m getting tired of uprooting trees, though,” 

“You and me both,” Reiner grumbled as he rubbed his shoulders. There were still more stumps to uproot, and it was getting cold outside, snowflakes fluttering down in a very light flurry. “After we finish we need to do our sit-ups again,” 

They still had a little more time before they were going to enlist, both of them choosing to begin exercising in the meantime when they weren’t working. Everyone wanted to join the Military Police, after all. Best they start getting themselves in top shape before everyone else, so they’d start a step ahead of everyone else. 

“Do you think they’ll move us to the interior?” Bertholdt asked as they walked over with their poles to the next stump. Some of the others working the field started to move towards the stump they uprooted to prep the ground for tilling. “I mean, it’s not like the MP are going out fighting titans anyways, but still,” 

“At the very least MPs get paid a bit more than the Garrison and the Scouts. We’ll be able to live comfortably,” There were Military Police in every major district, including the outliers like nearby Trost. They very well could make Military Police and still not wind up in the interior. 

“Reiner? Can I ask you something?” Reiner shoved the end of his tool into the ground underneath the tree stump, pushing down hard to start uprooting. He glanced up at Bertholdt once he was sure the tool wouldn’t slip out on him. 

“Hng… yeah… what is it…?” Bertholdt shoved his own tool under the stump to help. 

“Before everything happened… what did you want to do? We never even thought about the military. Soldiers never stopped by our village. We weren’t even on the map,” 

Reiner leaned against his pole as he caught his breath, winded from working all morning and afternoon. “I never really thought about it. I just wanted things to stay like they were forever,” He paused and stared at the ground. “I wanted to meet my new cousin, I thought that was as close as I’d ever get to a brother or sister. I wanted to finish that dumb little fort you and I kept putting off building, eventually,” 

“We’d be way too big for it by the time we finished,” Bertholdt laughed, Reiner chuckling as he nodded in agreement. 

“I just wanted to live with everyone I cared about, really,” A chill wind blew, both of them shivering despite the long-sleeved smocks they wore. If they could just uproot these last couple of trees they could go back to their shack and rest. “…Still do,” 

Bertholdt blushed at the addition, Reiner not acknowledging it if he noticed. He grunted and strained as he worked at uprooting the trees again. 

They’d probably start at the top of the class in upper body strength at the rate they were going with these damn trees. 

  


The sun was blistering above them, the sky perfectly clear. All the new cadets stood in perfect rows, their hands held low behind their backs. Bertholdt wanted to glance over and see what Reiner was doing, what sort of expression he had, anything really. Just to make sure he was doing whatever he was supposed to be doing right. 

There were _a lot_ of cadets, Bertholdt’s stomach already twisting in anxiety from enlisting but even more so thinking about the fact that they’d need to beat out almost all these people to make it to the top ten and get to the Military Police. What if Reiner made Military Police and he didn’t? 

Of course Reiner would choose the Garrison and stay by his side. Right? But he’d be holding him back from doing what they had been talking about for months now. 

He steeled himself instead, showing no emotion despite his racing thoughts. Surely Reiner was doing the same. 

It was hot out, and the uniform jackets weren’t helping. 

“We will now begin the enlistment ceremony for the 104th Cadet Corps!” A bald man barked loudly in front of the entire group of new soldiers. It was surprising how his voice carried over even a large distance. Could he ever yell that loud, Bertholdt wondered? “My name is Keith Shadis, and I was the unlucky sonofabitch assigned to train you worthless bastards! I am _not_ here to welcome you!” 

Shadis approached one of the soldiers in the front row, glaring at her before walking down the line and looking at all the new cadets. “They told me I’d be training soldiers, but all they’ve sent me is titan food! You’re all worthless as it stands right now, the best of you perhaps a hair above worthless! Over the next three years I’m going to beat your asses into shape! You decide, in three years will you still be worthless? Or will you be one of humanity’s soldiers cutting down those bastards?” 

He started running down the front line, Shadis verbally tearing down cadets as he walked past. Reiner blinked as he watched. Shadis was intimidating, but… what could he say or do that was worse than his mom and uncle being sent away to die? What could he do that would be worse than watching Aunt Marie and Liza and Elric all get torn to shreds? 

He glanced over at Bertholdt when he was sure Shadis had his attention focused elsewhere. He seemed to have the same thought process, his eyes glazing over the more Shadis berated. 

…Oh? He was passing some of the cadets up. A blonde girl with her hair tied up in the back. A boy with sandy blonde hair, and a red-head with an undercut. A girl with long black hair. 

“Who the hell are you, sideburns?” Shadis barked, the blonde man staring straight ahead and not meeting the instructor’s gaze. 

“Thomas Wagner of Trost, sir,” 

“Speak up! I can’t hear your puny ass!” He walked forward more, coming to a girl with black hair in pigtails. “Where the hell did you come from?” 

Reiner and Bertholdt listened to the verbal abuse, Shadis eventually making it to their line. He looked both of them dead in the face, staring for a quick moment before moving on wordlessly. Why was he skipping some people and not others? 

“And what do we have here?” Shadis zeroed in on a man with light brown-ish hair. 

“Jean Kirschtein sir, of Trost district,” the man answered. 

“And why the hell are you here?” 

“To join the Military Police, the best of the best,” 

“Oh, you want to go live in the interior?” Jean almost seemed like a smile ghosted over his face before he answered. 

“Yes—“ Shadis immediately headbutted Jean, Bertholdt and Reiner’s eyebrows both raising and their eyes widening in surprise. Jean crumpled to the ground. 

“Stop sitting down, Kirschtein! Nobody told you to take a break! How are you going to make it to the Military Police if you can’t get your shit together?” 

Shadis moved on to the next one. “What are you smiling at, you freckled idiot?” 

Reiner and Bertholdt shared concerned glances. It’d probably be best not to make it known their goal was the same as Jean’s. 

A short, bald man was being berated for saluting with the wrong hand when Shadis fell completely silent, dropping him on the ground. A red-headed girl was eating a potato? Here? _Now?_ Shadis stared at her and approached her. Bertholdt couldn’t help but swallow in anxiety at the sight. She saw that he was looking at her, but still took another bite, looking away as he approached. 

“You’re at the very top of my shit list, you runt! Who the hell do you think you are?!” 

“Sasha Braus of Dauper Village, sir! Reporting for duty!” 

“Sasha Braus? What do you have there in your hand?” 

“A potato, sir! It was in the mess hall begging to be eaten, so I took it!” Reiner’s mouth fell open at her admission of theft. What the hell? Bertholdt’s face sported a look of alarm, like he wanted to leave the area immediately. Other cadets looked the same way, almost everyone around stony silent and still waiting to see what would happen next. The breeze seemed loud as a tornado as Shadis processed what she was saying. 

…Maybe a lot of these people _wouldn’t_ be too hard to beat out to make Military Police… 

  


That girl, Sasha, wound up having her meal privileges taken for a few days, and she had to run until the sun went down. He sort of felt sorry for her, but Bertholdt couldn’t muster too much sympathy when she acted _like that_ at the damn enlistment ceremony on the first day. 

He and Reiner finally got to change out of those damn uniforms, into more comfortable clothes they could wear normally. The clothes that they were provided didn’t really fit right. His proportions were weird for a 13-year old. 

He leaned over the railing of the porch, a large crowd of other cadets on the other side. The side he and Reiner was on remained relatively quiet, except for some idle chatter. Two of the new cadets, Galliard and Grice, were talking to one another some distance away from everyone else. On the other side was Jaeger, Springer, Arlert and Carolina watching Braus run. 

Jaeger, or Eren as he seemed to prefer, was talking about the titans at dinner time. There was a crowd around his table; Reiner stared down into his bowl of soup listening to the conversation. There had been two abnormals that attacked; one so big it could look over the wall, and another covered in armor that no attack had damaged. Eren seemed to have seen all of it; he was from Shinganshina, where Wall Maria was breached. 

“He’s trying to sound cool over there…” Reiner grumbled. “Just another titan to him?” He sat next to Bertholdt, with Marco Bodt and Jean Kirschtein sitting with them at their table. Someone seemed to have asked him something that struck a nerve, Eren falling completely silent. 

“Come on, that’s enough guys. I don’t think he wants to relive what happened,” Marco piped up, Bertholdt staring into his soup. 

The image in his head of his father being pulled into that titan’s mouth brought itself to the forefront. His mother’s legs on the ground, her blood on the wall. That child being pulled out of the neighbor’s house and swallowed. Liza’s laughing face forever frozen into a look of horror as the top half of her body lay on the ground of town. 

Bertholdt brought a hand to his mouth, struggling to breathe. Reiner turned to him, a hand on his back rubbing back and forth. “It’s okay, Bertl, it’s okay,” He said quietly, nobody except Marco seeming to pay any mind as Eren started again. The titans aren’t that big a deal? Payback time when they master the ODM gear? Jean rolled his eyes, his cheek resting on his hand. Bertholdt leaned his head down onto Reiner, those rubs on his back and Reiner’s sturdy presence soothing him. 

“Are you nuts?” Reiner and Bertholdt looked to Jean as he spoke at Eren. “I know it isn’t my business, but signing up for the scouts is a death sentence.” 

“I’ll see about that while you’re too cowardly to try, running and hiding with the other MPs.” Bertholdt was frustrated at that statement. Was it wrong? To live with Reiner, and see the world within the walls… well, it required _being alive_ to do. Was it really cowardly to try and join the Military Police for the safety it offered? 

“You’re being a braggart tough-guy. Stop acting like you aren’t just as scared of them as the rest of us,” 

“Stop it!” Marco’s words fell on deaf ears. Reiner and Bertholdt frowned at the arguing, Reiner crossing his arms in frustration. Maybe he just thought the other soldiers would be more… disciplined? What did these people do over the last two years? 

It looked like there was going to be a fight until the chiming bells ended it before it even began, Jean calling for a truce before pulling his hand away. Eren walked outside, Jean approaching the girl that had been with Eren in the meantime. 

Some of the other cadets started milling around outside, but truthfully Bertholdt just wanted to curl up in bed. “Do you want to go lay down?” He asked Reiner, getting a nod in return. 

“I think we need to rest up. After all, we start ODM gear training tomorrow,” The two of them made their way to the bunkhouse, most of the beds claimed during the early morning hours before the enlistment ceremony had actually started. They had opted for a top bunk, next to each other. A couple of other people that knew each other had also claimed adjacent spots; Eren and Arlert, or Galliard and Grice, for example. 

Reiner took the bunk closer to the wall, Bertholdt laying down by the ladder. The oil lamp below was still on, and the other cadets would need it soon anyways. No sense in extinguishing the light. 

They laid on their sides facing one another. Bertholdt sidled up closer to Reiner, Reiner pressing a tiny peck to Bertholdt’s cheek. They didn’t kiss much, and even then rarely on the lips. They weren’t even really sure what they _were_. But it felt right regardless. 

“I’m glad you came here with me, Bertl,” Reiner and Bertholdt turned to look as the door opened, a couple of other cadets filing in. Jean and Marco, the ones they sat with at dinner. Fellow hopeful MPs, at that. Reiner glanced at Bertholdt. “We can talk later. Don’t want to be too mushy in front of a bunch of strangers,” 

“O-oh, right,” Bertholdt watched as Jean and Marco laid down in their own bunks, across the bunkhouse from one another. Other cadets started filing in after a few moments, in droves. Bertholdt yawned as he pulled his covers up, resting his head on the pillow. He faced away from Reiner, towards the door, but he felt a hand on his shoulder squeeze before it pulled back away. He smiled at the touch and closed his eyes. 

  


It was easier than he thought it’d be, Reiner thought, as he kept his focus and balanced in the ODM gear. He twitched on occasion, working to keep himself hanging. After the first couple of drills, though, it got easier. He just sort of… hung there. His body had to work really hard, all his muscles working together to make it happen. But he did just fine. 

Bertholdt didn’t seem to have any issues either, if anything doing better than Reiner. He turned at smiled at Reiner as they got used to the feeling of having the ODM straps on their body. It was weird, not touching the ground. The earth was steady and unmoving, keeping them grounded. Hanging there was freeing… but a little scary. 

The two of them stood next to one another chatting as the next group of cadets to be strung up were prepared. “It’s kinda fun,” Bertholdt said, scratching his cheek. 

“Yeah, I—“ Reiner started, before the two of them heard a thud. 

“Ow!” 

They turned to see that one guy, Jaeger, dangling upside down. Several people looked at him, a couple of the cadets who were strung up looking at him in surprise and losing their balance themselves. Jean stayed focused, Springer fell. 

“Can’t even keep balance? How’s he gonna kill all those titans like that?” Galliard said, his arms crossed. Grice stood next to him, watching Jaeger struggle. 

“I guess he proves passion doesn’t get you where you need by itself,” Grice observed. 

“Guess we’ll see how he fares, but if he doesn’t get it together they’ll ship him off to the fields,” Galliard added. Reiner thought about the time in the fields with Bertholdt. He personally would prefer not to return to that life, but he’d manage. But unlike Jaeger he wasn’t that desperate to go kill titans, either. He wasn’t a suicidal maniac, that was for damn sure. 

Galliard shrugged his shoulders. “Oh well. Sucks to be him,” Galliard put his hand on his hip and walked away, Colt staying where he was at before smiling at Bertholdt and Reiner. 

“Good job out there, guys,” Colt adjusted his jacket, dusting it off. 

“You too, Grice,” Reiner added, Grice shaking his hands at him. 

“Just call me Colt,” Bertholdt smiled at the gesture. 

“In that case, you can call me Bertholdt, and he's Reiner,” 

Another thud as Jaeger tried again. Colt looked worried as he watched. 

“He’s going to get a head injury at this rate,” 

“What’s your goddamn problem, Jaeger?!” Ah. There goes Shadis again. Lots of the cadets were watching him and snickering. Bertholdt couldn’t help but feel bad for him. How embarrassing it must be, acting that confident the night before only to be smashed back down to earth so quickly. 

“I think… you and I will be fine,” Reiner said, Bertholdt nodding in agreement. 

  


They sat with Marco and Jean again in the mess hall, the four of them seeming to naturally gravitate towards one another. Reiner dipped his bread in the soup they were served, Bertholdt choosing to eat them separately. 

“Hey, so why did you guys join the military?” Marco asked, Reiner looking up at him. “Shadis passed you two right up during the enlistment ceremony, so you didn’t get asked,” 

“Oh. Right,” Reiner thought back to the ceremony. Why wasn’t he asked? “We’re here to join the Military Police,” Bertholdt chewed his bread, letting Reiner speak for him. 

“Really? Do you want to serve the king, too?” Reiner glanced over at Bertholdt, who looked back at him. The king never once crossed either of their minds, truth be told. 

“Ah, no…” Bertholdt wiped his mouth with his napkin. “We wanted to get away from the titans, live a better life than on the fields,” Jean raised an eyebrow at that. 

“You and everyone else here. Where are you from?” Jean asked, not in the judgmental tone he had used when addressing Jaeger, interest actually in his voice this time. 

“We were from a village called Hillfar. It was to the southeast of Wall Maria,” Reiner explained, Marco and Jean looking surprised. 

“So… you saw them?” Marco asked quietly. 

“Yeah…” Bertholdt started, closing his mouth and swallowing. “I don’t want to fight them or see another one. I just want to live my life and never see another one again…” 

Bertholdt started to tense up, squeezing his bread. Reiner noticed and turned to him, rubbing his back like he normally did when Bertholdt got worked up. The incident two years ago had been on his mind much more the past couple of days than it had been in a long time. 

“Bertholdt, calm down,” Reiner whispered to him. “Don’t get too worked up,” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Marco started, Reiner nodding at him. 

“It’s okay. You didn’t mean anything by it,” Reiner’s eyes seemed to darken. “It’s just… harder to remember some days than others,” 

Marco understood then why Shadis passed them up in the entrance ceremony. 

  


“Checkmate!” Reiner frowned as Bertholdt beat him this round of chess. That made them even in victories, Reiner’s lead taken from him. They cleared the board, getting ready to set the pieces up one last time before it was time to go to sleep. Winner take all, loser has to give the other a shoulder rub after ODM training the next day. 

They’d both probably help each other anyways, but it was more fun this way. 

“Hey, guys?” Reiner and Bertholdt looked up at each other, crawling to the edge of the bunk and looking down to see Arlert and Jaeger looking up at them. “Can we come up there and speak with you?” 

Reiner turned to Bertholdt and cocked an eyebrow, confusion written on his expression. Jaeger had a bandage wrapped around his head. 

“Uh, sure?” Bertholdt responded, the two of them falling back and putting up their chess pieces while Jaeger and Arlert climbed the ladder. Looks like tonight there wasn’t going to be a chess champion. Bertholdt moved to sit next to Reiner, Reiner’s legs and arms crossed. He really could come across unapproachable at times. 

Jaeger had a desperate expression on his face, Arlert casting concerned looks to his friend. “Guys, I need your help,” 

“With what? Did you lose something?” Bertholdt asked, pulling his knees closer to his torso and resting his arms on them. 

“With ODM gear training,” Reiner blinked. What? 

“I need your help. Bertholdt. Reiner. I heard from a lot of cadets that you’re both really good at it,” 

“There’s not a lot of advice I can give about just hanging there. There isn’t a special secret trick we use,” Reiner closed his eyes, Bertholdt glancing over at him. “I don’t want to be harsh but if you want advice I’m not really the best guy,” 

Jaeger sighed in defeat, Arlert putting a hand on his knee. “Let’s just hope it comes to you tomorrow. I believe in you,” Arlert said reassuringly. 

“I hope so, Armin,” Eren sighed, the pair starting to get up. 

“Wait. Aren’t you two from Shinganshina?” Bertholdt asked, Arlert and Jaeger sitting back down. 

“Yeah, we are,” 

“Then you know how awful the titans all really are. Why do you want to be soldiers? Or scouts, at that?” 

“I didn’t see what Eren did, he saw the titan’s horrors firsthand. But me… I couldn’t just sit by and do nothing while the government sent hundreds of thousands of people to die in a sham mission to retake Wall Maria,” Armin trailed off for a moment, biting his lower lip. “My grandfather… took care of us until then, when he was sent away,” 

“I see,” Bertholdt said, Reiner watching him as he spoke. He… couldn’t agree with Eren’s reasoning. He valued his own life too much to just want revenge. But Armin’s… if he could fight back and stop Karina and Tobias from being sent away, he would. Reiner, too, he was sure. 

“What about you two? Where are you from?” Armin asked. 

“Reiner and I? We were from a village called Hillfar, southeast of Wall Maria. It was so small it wasn’t even on the maps,” 

“Wait, does that mean you saw them too?” 

“Our village wasn’t along one of the rivers, we weren’t very prosperous,” Reiner said, looking down at the bunk. “We didn’t know that the wall was breached, and the titans showed up out of nowhere one morning,” 

“Reiner and I went to build a fort that morning. It was right at dawn. When we were walking back to the village the livestock was overly restless, the horses in a panic. There were rumblings that kept getting louder and louder,” Bertholdt looked down between his legs. “I was so afraid. My mom told me to go tell my dad she was handling the horse. I went to my father, but I opened the window and… I saw it…” 

Armin swallowed listening to the story, Eren’s brows focused as he listened. 

“It grabbed dad… and when I went outside mom was gone too. I think I just panicked and ran. Reiner’s mom and uncle came in on their horses and saved me. Everything after that is a blur,” 

“Hey, Bertl… take it easy. You’ll get worked up and upset again,” 

“Sorry. You’re right,” Bertholdt ran his hand through his hair and rubbed at his eyes. “The point I’m trying to make is we all aren’t like a lot of the others here,” Reiner put his hand on Bertholdt’s knee and held it. Lots of the cadets were sitting together now, laughing and playing games in big groups. 

“Let’s go for a walk to get some fresh air,” Reiner suggested, his hand patting Bertholdt’s back. Eren nodded in agreement. 

“That sounds nice,” Eren said. The four of them put their clothes on, going outside and grabbing their lanterns. Bertholdt walked ahead of them, Reiner and Eren behind him, Armin taking the rear. 

“A lot of the people are here because they don’t want to seem cowardly,” Bertholdt said as he walked ahead towards the trail he and Reiner had found earlier. “I’m… not different, I wanted to join the military police to go to the interior as well,” 

“What if you fail?” Armin asked, wincing when Reiner turned around and shot a glare at him before wordlessly turning back around. 

“I guess… I’ll go to the Garrison. I don’t have the fortitude or courage to join the Survey Corps,” 

“There’s nothing wrong with caring about your own life, Bertholdt,” Armin said, Eren silent but Reiner agreeing. “We all care about our own lives, more than pretty much anything else,” 

“Do we, though? I’m going to protect the ones I care about, no matter what. That’s all I care about now,” Eren noticed Reiner’s gaze focus on Bertholdt’s backside as they walked, his expression softening. “I _will_ do it, even if it costs me my life,” 

Bertholdt knew Reiner meant him. He… didn’t really like that Reiner seemed so willing to discard his own life to protect him. He needed to think about something else. He didn’t want to have that conversation with Reiner right now. 

“So why did you join the military?” Bertholdt asked Eren as they walked forward, looking back at Eren. Eren’s expression darkened as he looked down, like he was remembering something he’d rather forget. 

“I decided I’m going to kill them all,” Reiner turned to look at Eren at the words, Bertholdt’s walking pace slowed as he listened. “Every single one of them. I won’t stop until they’re all gone,” 

“You know what they can do, but you still want to try and kill them?” Reiner asked incredulously. They finished climbing the rocks, coming to a small plateau overlooking the lake below, the forest circling around it. 

“Damn right. I just… have to,” Eren said, his face falling after a moment. “But after the way training went today, I don’t know if I can,” 

“You have what it takes, I know,” Reiner said, Bertholdt moving to stand next to him and nodding. “I can tell by looking at you. You have the drive,” 

“Yeah, I know I can do it,” Eren’s expression turned to one of more confidence. 

“We’ll help you, we’ll all be experts by the time morning comes. We can start from the very beginning all the way to wherever it is you have trouble,” Bertholdt decided, they could all use some extra training. Tomorrow was just more ODM gear training, what’s the harm in doing some extra training at night? 

“Thank you, Reiner. Thank you, Bertholdt,” Eren said, all of them turning to look at the lake. The clouds in the sky parted, the moonlight peeking out from behind and sparkling over the water. Bertholdt leaned his hand over and slipped his hand into Reiner’s, Eren and Armin not seeming to notice as they looked to one another. 

Were they like what Reiner was to Bertholdt? 

All four of them returned to the camp after a few minutes, Bertholdt releasing Reiner’s hand. Once they returned, all four of them made their way to the training pulley. They would start from the beginning. 

  


Bertholdt and Reiner stood in the front of the crowd of students watching Eren try to use the ODM gear. It was… kinda cruel, Bertholdt thought, all these students watching Eren to see if he was going to fail while other stations had cadets practicing and that would be available for use shortly. 

Thomas turned the crank at Shadis’s instruction, lifting Eren into the air. He seemed to be struggling an awful lot, but he was holding steady. A smile crossed Reiner’s features, immediately running away from his face when Eren flipped again. Even after everything last night…? Even Armin improved dramatically… 

Shadis said nothing as Eren began to panic, before he spoke. “Wagner, switch your gear with Eren’s,” 

“Oh, okay,” Thomas let Eren down and switched gear with him, Eren’s gear passed off to Shadis as he was reattached to the pulley. He was lifted again, Eren dangling perfectly when he was lifted. Bertholdt breathed a sigh of relief, the smile coming back to Reiner’s face at Eren’s success. 

“Your belt was malfunctioned, Jaeger,” Shadis started, examining it in his hands. “Looks like I’m going to have to crack some damn skulls at the supply room later,” 

“You did it!” Armin shouted, Mikasa watching by his side. 

“I knew he had it in him,” Reiner said as he leaned over, talking quietly to Bertholdt. 

“Yeah, he does. Maybe he will be able to fight back against the titans,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Third chapter up! I'm probably going to post a second mini-fic collection at some point for stories in this AU that show the relationships between the characters I want without making everything too long here. This chapter wound up being a bit longer than I meant it to.


	4. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “O-cean? What’s that?” Bertholdt asked, not saying the name right. Armin spoke too quickly to follow completely. 
> 
> “The ocean. A big lake of water, it’s full of salt water. There’s so much salt in it that an entire team of merchants could spend their whole lives harvesting salt and it would never run out!”

Despite spending the extra time with them that first day to help with ODM training, Reiner didn’t really train much with Armin and Eren. They still hung out together during their free time, Reiner kicking Eren’s ass every time he was challenged to a game of chess, but most of the time they ran in separate circles. 

Bertholdt, on the other hand, had developed a solid friendship with Armin; he was such a fascinating person to talk to, and Armin had so many hopes and dreams for the future and what a wonderful time it would be. He admired that about Armin; in spite of what happened, he still saw beauty in the world. After the destruction of their home… it was almost like all the wondrous colors of the world were muted and dull. The world shone for Armin with a brightness Bertholdt lost a long time ago. 

Eren seemed to be developing a good relationship with Colt, but Galliard was still very much aloof. Colt was developing a reputation for being something of a big brother to a lot of the cadets. Galliard was incredibly talented physically, but he seemed to slack with hand-to-hand and had a little more trouble with lecture. 

He also got incredibly defensive about his own abilities. What was that about? 

He and Bertholdt found themselves preferring to train with Jean and Marco instead. All four of them had the same goal in the end, albeit for different reasons. Marco wanted to serve King Fritz, Jean wanted to live in the safety of the interior, behind Wall Sina. Bertholdt and Reiner wanted to live in safety, even if it wasn’t necessarily behind the innermost wall. MPs were never deployed against the titans anyways. 

In spite of their reasoning, all four of them had a drive to join the Military Police in the end. 

“So if you rely on inertia, you can save gas and use your ODM gear more effectively,” Jean elaborated at the table, his three friends nodding at his suggestion. 

“That sounds like it might be hard to get used to doing,” Bertholdt said, thinking about his ODM skills up to this point. He had made excellent progress, being one of the best in the class. But if he wanted to make it to the MP, he’d need to step up his game. He wasn’t the best in the world at the lectures, all three of his friends consistently scoring higher than he did. He did really well at hand-to-hand combat, but they weren’t scored on that… 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Bertholdt,” Reiner started, patting him on the back. “You’re ranked third in the class for ODM gear, you’re only behind me and Jean,” 

“Yeah, you have a lot to be confident about,” Marco added, smiling genuinely at him. “At the rate things have been going the past few months, all four of us will make it to the Military Police,” 

“I hope so. But we still have two and a half more years of training, so we can’t let up,” Reiner said, thinking about how long the road ahead seemed. It felt like they had been training forever. It really was a long road to the MP, wasn’t it? 

They all finished their dinner, Marco and Jean parting ways with Bertholdt and Reiner once they had their table cleaned up. The other pair went to the small library on the training grounds, intending to do some extra studying in order to brush up before lecture in the morning. 

“Where are you going, Bertl?” Reiner asked, Bertholdt stepping off the porch and turning to look at Reiner. 

“Oh, Armin invited me to go read some books with him at the library, I’m going to meet him at the bunkhouse,” Bertholdt didn’t even think to ask Reiner if he wanted to come. “Did you want to come?” 

“No, I’m good. Have fun,” Reiner said, smiling and giving a small wave to his friend before he was approached by Connie. He laughed boisterously at Connie’s plan to prank Colt, Bertholdt feeling relief wash over him as he left. 

He got to the bunkhouse relatively quickly, Armin waiting for him. “Hey, Bertholdt!” Armin grinned as his friend approached. Try as they might, neither he nor Reiner were ever able to best Armin at chess. “How are you?” 

“I’m good,” Bertholdt looked around for a moment. “Where’s Eren?” 

“Oh, he’s out with Mikasa right now. He and her like to go spend time together every now and then,” Armin replied, he and Bertholdt stepping outside the bunkhouse and heading towards the small library. It wasn’t huge, and its contents were strictly monitored, but it kept the cadets happy enough. 

“What sorts of things do you like to read about, Armin?” Bertholdt combed around, looking at the books in the small library. There were a lot about the military and the walls. A few on different attractions within the walls, some on the different plants and animals within the walls. 

“Well, do you promise not to make fun of me or anything like that?” Armin asked as he pulled a book about military strategy off the shelf, filling out the check-out card inserted inside of it. Bertholdt looked around, seeing Marco and Jean on the other side of the small library but looking preoccupied. 

…They were sitting really close to one another, Bertholdt noticed. 

“Yeah? Why?” 

“My grandpa had a book about the outside world when I was younger, before Wall Maria fell!” Armin’s eyes turned starry at the memory. 

“Outside the walls? Wouldn’t that have been illegal?” Bertholdt asked, Armin nodding his head. 

“It was. But that didn’t matter then! I loved reading about the outside world so much,” Armin put the check-out card in the box on the table. Shadis made sure everything was always in place. “On the outside, most of the world is covered in the ocean! I want to see it one day,” 

“O-cean? What’s that?” Bertholdt asked, not saying the name right. Armin spoke too quickly to follow completely. 

“The ocean. A big lake of water, it’s full of salt water. There’s so much salt in it that an entire team of merchants could spend their whole lives harvesting salt and it would never run out!” 

“What!? That much salt? That’s impossible,” Salt was one of the most valuable commodities of all, and Armin was saying a giant lake was _that_ full of it? 

“But that isn’t all! On the outside, there’s a liquid that burns everything it touches! It’s called lava. Whole lands made of nothing but ice, sparking all the time and never melting. Fields made of nothing but sand, apparently scorching hot!” 

“Is that why you want to join the Survey Corps?” Armin had a blush on his face as he spoke in a hushed voice. Armin nodded his head excitedly. 

“I want to see the world outside the walls. I wish I could do it safely, but…” Armin’s voice trailed off. “If I want to fulfill my dream of seeing the outside world, I have to take that risk. To see the ocean,” 

“So you think it all really exists? Do you think the world could really be that big?” For the better part of Bertholdt’s life the world was just Hillfar and a couple of villages nearby. The space within just Wall Maria seemed so big. Even now, it seemed like the space contained within Wall Sina and Wall Rose was massive. 

“Of course,” Armin added. “There’s so much out there… I made a promise with Eren when we were kids we would see it all. Starting with the ocean,” 

“The ocean… if something like that exists, I’d want to see it one day,” Bertholdt thought about it. What was outside beyond the walls? Could the world be that different inside the walls? Even within the walls there was variation. Snowy mountains to the north. The Forest of Giant Trees that was in the southern region of Wall Maria. “I bet it would be beautiful,” 

“Why not join the scouts?” Bertholdt frowned at the question, bringing to the front of his mind the reality of their situation. 

“I… can’t. I want to live safely. With Reiner,” Bertholdt said, thinking back to the events of two and a half years ago. “I lost my family to the titans. He’s all I have left. If we joined the scouts…” 

Armin put his hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Bertholdt. I think the same about losing Eren and Mikasa sometimes,” Armin’s eyes drifted to the floor. “I’m terrified of dying and being eaten by a titan. But… I think it’s something I’ve been called to do,” 

“I see…” Bertholdt thought about Reiner. And his parents. Karina and Tobias. Liza and Elric. He couldn’t dream of joining the Survey Corps. He had to live. For Reiner. For everyone that died before him. And for himself. “I don’t think I have the nerve for something like that,” 

“I told you before there’s nothing wrong with valuing your own life, Bertholdt. Your own life and those you love,” Armin’s face flushed, but Bertholdt didn’t think it his place to ask about it. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah, what’s up?” Armin scratched behind his ear before he spoke again. 

“How long have you and Reiner been a couple?” 

“W-What?!” Bertholdt sputtered, a blush covering his face and Armin looking confused at his reaction. “We aren’t seeing each other like that,” 

“Really?” Armin cocked his head, looking deep in thought. “Everyone thinks you are. As much time as you spend together. Is he like a brother to you, then?” 

“No… that’s not right,” Even as kids they never saw each other in that light. Reiner made a comment when Marie was pregnant that he was going to have something like a sibling, so clearly Reiner didn’t see him that way either. 

“Oh, okay. Just close friends then, like me and Mikasa? I love her, but not like a sister and not romantically,” That didn’t seem right either, though. Friends didn’t just kiss each other sometimes, did they? But it wasn’t just kisses on the hand, Reiner had kissed him on the lips before, too… They weren’t dating, though, they never called each other boyfriend. He wasn’t even sure what Reiner’s intentions were. 

But just being friends. The thought of it didn’t sit right with him. 

“That doesn’t feel right either,” Bertholdt scratched the back of his head sheepishly, Armin smiling sympathetically at him. 

“It took me a while to understand what my feelings for someone close to me were. You’ll be alright,” Bertholdt felt some type of way at the direction the conversation had gone. What _were_ he and Reiner? “If you need to, talk to him,” 

“That’s probably a good idea,” Bertholdt took his mind off the issue by changing the subject, looking over the books on the shelves with Armin. In the end he filled out the check-out slip card for a fictional book about the different tourist destinations inside the walls. That would be fun to read with Reiner one night. 

The two of them spent some time at the library, the moon having moved across the sky somewhat as they walked back to the bunkhouse. There was still an oil lantern lit inside, but a lot of the cadets were out due to their training that day. Even Bertholdt found himself feeling groggy when they went in, him immediately parting ways with Armin and climbing the ladder to his bunk. 

Reiner was laying on his side snoring softly, his face to the wall away from the door. Bertholdt quickly changed into his sleeping clothes, laying on his side and looking at Reiner as he breathed. He scooted closer, putting his hand on Reiner’s shoulder. 

“I… I love you,” Bertholdt said, leaning down and kissing Reiner’s cheek, his lips barely making contact with the skin. What was Reiner to him? Not a brother… he would definitely say Reiner is his friend, but by itself that doesn’t feel right… but they weren’t dating. What did Reiner feel? The blonde started to stir at the kiss, his movements fading when Bertholdt pulled away. Reiner’s breathing returned to normal almost immediately. 

  


“Hmm? The outside world?” Reiner raised an eyebrow at Bertholdt’s question. Did he ever think about it? “Not really… I always just thought whatever was out there was the same as what’s already in here, just stretching out further,” 

“I was just wondering is all. I was talking to Armin about it and he thinks there are all sorts of things out there,” Bertholdt turned the page of the book he was reading, sure to help for their next written exam. He wasn’t stupid by any measure whatsoever, but there were a lot of really smart people here. It was hard keeping up… 

“I suppose it’s possible. There are a lot of different things and sights and animals inside the walls, who knows how big everything out there is,” Reiner added, reading up on the anti-titan manual he had taken from the library. “I just don’t think the risk of joining the Survey Corps is worth it. Everything I need is already inside the walls,” 

“It would be pretty, though, if all the things Armin says could be out there really are,” Bertholdt thought out loud. Burning sands, whole sparkling lands filled with ice, the ocean. Reiner’s eyes seemed to narrow, his expression unreadable. “If they’re all real, I’d like to see them one day,” 

“Hey, hey… Bertholdt…” Reiner closed his book and turned over on the bed, putting both his hands on either of Bertholdt’s shoulders and looking at him seriously. “You aren’t thinking you want to join the scouts, are you?” Concern washed over his features, Reiner sporting a look of serious anxiety. 

“No, of course not… joining the scouts is like a death sentence,” Bertholdt bit his lip thinking about it. A lake as big as the ocean would be beautiful… and absolutely crawling with titans, most likely. But if he joined the scouts, Reiner would follow him straight into hell. Without even thinking about it, about the Military Police or anything like that. Reiner was so headstrong about defending him, too. What was it he had said? Even if it cost him his life? “Hey. Can we talk later? About something important?” 

”Of course we can. Did you want to get some food in you before?” Reiner joked. They had been reading and not-so patiently waiting for the bells to announce dinnertime. They continued reading in silence, both of them remembering some of what they read from the lecture the day before. 

Dinner went by smoothly enough, they sat with Eren and Armin and Mikasa instead of Jean and Marco, who opted to sit with Sasha and Connie and Colt that night. Eren was telling all sorts of stories about when they were kids. 

Growing up in a big place like Shinganshina sounded nice. Hillfar was such a tiny village, they saw the same people over and over again. But Armin and Eren and Mikasa would see people they didn’t know all the time. And soldiers were all over the place! Wasn’t it weird? 

“It’s a really clear night out tonight,” Reiner observed when they left the mess hall, he and Bertholdt going back to the bunkhouse to retrieve their capes to keep them warm. They joined the military in the summer; six months in and it was getting cold. They’d reduced the amount of time they spent with physically demanding training outside as a result. Everyone was still drilled, just not as often. 

“Yeah, not a cloud in the sky. Maybe it’ll snow soon,” Bertholdt added. They hadn’t spent time in the snow with friends since their village was destroyed; the following winters they were working the fields and didn’t have time to enjoy it. “If it does I want to make a snowman,” 

The trail to the lake was becoming familiar at this point, both of them enjoying coming up to watch the stars and the water. It was nice, especially when there was a full moon. There was always a small rush of adrenaline when they snuck through the barbed-wire fence, a reminder they were absolutely not supposed to go out that far. 

“It’s always so nice up here,” Reiner turned to Bertholdt. “What did you want to talk to me about?” 

“Reiner… you have to stop,” Bertholdt said firmly, a bad feeling in his belly. He always went along with Reiner, he was the more assertive one. He wasn’t used to being assertive like that. _Especially_ towards Reiner. 

“Huh? Stop what?” Reiner frowned, unsure of anything he did different lately. 

“You need to stop with saying you’d give up your life to defend me,” Bertholdt’s brows furrowed when he spoke, Reiner sporting a look of confusion. 

“But I would, you’re the most important person in the world to me,” There wasn’t anything wrong with defending Bertholdt. He would do it in an instant. 

“I don’t want you to do something like that, Reiner,” Bertholdt’s voice started raising, Reiner’s frown deepening. “So stop saying you’d do it,” 

“What, do you want me to lay down and let you die if push comes to shove?” Reiner crossed his arms. 

“Of course not! I’m not saying be apathetic,” He wasn’t getting it, was he? “Why are you so adamant that you would do something like that anyways?” 

“I can’t live without you around, Bertholdt! If I could stop something from hurting or killing you, I would!” They were both shouting at this point, anxiety on both ends replaced by frustration. 

“So it’s okay for you to do that and leave _me_ alone instead?” Bertholdt grit his teeth in frustration. “That’d be so easy for you, wouldn’t it? Never getting left alone at all? How could you be such a selfish bastard?” 

Reiner didn’t even respond, his mouth hanging open. Bertholdt immediately felt guilty, but the anger was still bubbling inside him. Hurt seemed to cross Reiner’s face, his mouth closing and him swallowing. 

“I’m… sorry…” Reiner stared at the ground. “I never meant anything like that… I just wanted to keep you safe no matter what,” Bertholdt blinked in silence. Reiner’s form started shivering. “I didn’t mean to be a selfish bastard,” 

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Bertholdt admitted, pulling Reiner into an embrace. Reiner stood there and didn’t wrap his arms around Bertholdt’s form, instead wiping at his eyes. “I just… don’t understand why you’re so adamant on defending me is all. Do you think I’m weak?” 

Reiner looked up at Bertholdt, his eyes moist but not crying. “Of course not, Bertl. You’re so good with the ODM gear and you’re better than me at hand-to-hand. You aren’t weak at all, you’re strong,” Reiner sighed deeply and pushed his face back against the chest in front of him. “You’re stronger than anyone else. Way more than me,” 

“Then why?” Bertholdt was still frustrated. He hated that he hurt Reiner. His heart was cracking seeing Reiner on the edge of tears because of what he said. Reiner clutched at his cloak tightly. “I don’t understand,” 

“Because I love you! Isn’t it obvious?” Reiner started shivering more, wrapping his arms around Bertholdt and holding him tightly. He kept his face buried in Bertholdt’s chest, the taller one unable to see his face. “I want to defend you because I care about you, so much,” 

“Reiner…” Bertholdt rubbed up and down his back as Reiner cried into his chest. 

“I’ve been kissing at you for almost a year,” Reiner sniffled an ugly sniffle, his nose red. “I always mean you when I say the ones I love, and I know you know that meant you… if you didn’t you wouldn’t have started this whole conversation,” 

“What?” 

“I’ve never said ‘I’d die for Bertholdt!’ It was always for the ones I love, but clearly you knew that meant you because you brought me up here to tell me to stop,” Reiner choked out another sob and wiped at his eyes. 

“Reiner, I’m… I…” Bertholdt didn’t know what to say, but he also wasn’t sure Reiner was looking for a response. Reiner pulled away from him and turned his back to Bertholdt, wiping at his eyes before taking several steps forward, crossing his arms and staring at the lake instead. 

It was irritating as fuck that Reiner always pulled away when he got distressed. The first few weeks after Karina and Tobias were sent away, he started bottling his feelings and would just go off by himself and stop talking. There would be an initial outburst of feelings, and then he would close off completely. 

Bertholdt swallowed thickly. He couldn’t have Reiner closing himself off. Not here, not now. 

With that in mind, Bertholdt walked forward to where Reiner was standing, grabbing his shoulder and turning Reiner around. Reiner looked up at him with frustrated, teary eyes. “What the hell are you doing?” 

Bertholdt leaned down and kissed Reiner, hard, wrapping his arms around Reiner so he couldn’t pull away. And he tried for a moment before he stopped, standing still instead. Reiner made no move to resist, no effort to reciprocate. Bertholdt looked down seriously at Reiner, the blonde clearly confused. “I love you too,” Bertholdt pecked at Reiner’s cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” 

Reiner wiped at his eyes again. “That’s not fair, Bertl… I never told you either,” Reiner leaned his head into Bertholdt’s chest, Bertholdt running his fingers through the blonde hair. 

“But you showed me,” Bertholdt kissed Reiner’s temple, Reiner closing his eyes. He hated feeling so vulnerable. At least it was Bertholdt and not someone else. “…I was too confused by my own feelings to see it,” 

Reiner wasn’t saying anything in response. He looked stressed out, truth be told. Bertholdt kissed Reiner’s cheekbone, moving to kiss his lips again. He held Reiner’s face in his hands delicately, Reiner’s eyes half-opened through the kiss and watching Bertholdt intently. Reiner moved to hold onto Bertholdt’s torso, the taller man looking down at him. 

The tears had subsided, Reiner’s cheeks were still flushed, his eyes puffy. “Reiner. I love you,” 

“I love you too,” Reiner replied quietly. Bertholdt held Reiner’s chin in his hand, looking down affectionately before closing his eyes and brushing his lips against Reiner’s again. Reiner kissed back, his eyes sore from crying. 

“Here, let’s sit down,” Bertholdt sat on the grass and patted the ground next to him. Reiner sat beside him and leaned over onto Bertholdt’s shoulder. “Don’t want to go back to the training grounds with you looking upset, we’ll get a bunch of people asking what’s wrong,” 

“Yeah… I’m not in the mood to deal with a lot of people right now,” Reiner admitted, closing his eyes and listening to the ambient sounds of nature. He shivered after a moment, the night air cold. Bertholdt moved Reiner into his lap, wrapping his arms around him and leaning his head against Reiner’s back. “Bertholdt. If you want me to stop, I’ll stop,” 

“I know you love me, just remember I love you too,” Bertholdt listened to Reiner’s breathing. “I don’t want anything to happen to you. I know you’d die for me. But I’d die for you too. So let’s just not think about dying at all,” 

“I’d like that. It stays on my mind, in my nightmares, when Eren talks about the titans. I remember mom and Aunt Marie and Uncle Tobias. But,” Reiner turned back around, looking at Bertholdt. “If we’re in the Military Police it all won’t matter anyways,” 

“Yeah, that’s right,” Bertholdt laughed, pecking Reiner on the lips chastely. Reiner nuzzled his face into the crook of Bertholdt’s neck. 

“Bertholdt?” 

“What is it?” 

“What are we?” Reiner asked, his eyes closed. He’d be out like a light as soon as they got back to their beds. 

“I don’t know. I guess…” Bertholdt looked at Reiner’s face, running a thumb along his cheek. “I’ll be yours. If you’ll be mine,” 

“That sounds nice. I’ll be yours,” Reiner kissed Bertholdt again, Bertholdt tightening his grip and hugging Reiner against him. “Let’s go back to the bunkhouse. I’m tired,” 

“Yeah. It’s getting late,” Reiner stood first, getting out of Bertholdt’s lap before the taller man stood. Reiner leaned onto Bertholdt’s side, grabbing hold of his hand. 

That felt right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still probably going to make that fic with side-stories for this AU. I just need time since I go back to work tomorrow.  



	5. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, there’s an easy way to guarantee you’ll get posted together,” Marco started, Jean’s face flushing heavily as he looked at the floor. “Just get married, spouses always get posted together!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter. I don't want to feel like I'm rushing into graduation and Trost, but at the same time there's a lot I want to do and I don't want to spend too much time meandering. I'll probably wind up dumping a lot of drabbles about the Cadet Corps years in the side stories fic.

“Do you think we might all get stationed together one day?” Marco chirped happily, the four of them sitting together in the small library on the training grounds. “That would be nice, except we would all have to compete for the same promotions,” 

“When I’m commander of the Military Police, I’ll see to it that we’re all stationed in Stohess. I’ve heard that’s one of the nicest districts to live and work in, apart from inside the capitol itself,” Jean replied, his eyebrow cocked and his smirk so infuriating yet charming. Marco leaned into him and put his hand on top of Jean’s, running his thumb along the back of his palm. “But then you have all the nobility breathing down your neck,” 

“Oh? You’re going to be the next commander of the Military Police? I guess that means Eren’s going to be the next commander of the Survey Corps, too?” Bertholdt asked sarcastically, Marco chuckling while Jean’s eyebrow twitched in response. 

“I’m not a suicidal blockhead like him, I’m playing it smart! If he were too he’d be trying to join the Military Police,” Reiner nodded at his words, his arms crossed on the table as he skimmed the book in front of him. He was doing decently well at lecture. Not as well as some of the others, but there were more than a few smart cookies in their class. 

“I would say he’s more passionate than suicidal,” Reiner started, the other three turning to look at him. “He doesn’t want to die. If he dies it’ll be because he’s too reckless. He wants to live, clearly,” 

“I wish he would think more about those around him. Mikasa and Armin would both be devastated if something were to happen to him,” Marco closed his eyes and leaned his head onto Jean’s shoulder. “I know Armin is going to join the Survey Corps too, he’s talked to me about it. So they’ll be out together. But I can’t imagine living every day wondering if the one I love is going to die on the next mission,” 

“You don’t need to worry about me, Marco,” Jean added, running a hand along Marco’s backside. “We’re going to the Military Police, and we’ll be fine, you get to serve King Fritz and I’ll be able to live in the interior and move mom in with me,” 

Reiner and Bertholdt looked to one another and had the same thought, how nice would it have been to move their moms into the interior. Neither one of them was going to throw a wet blanket on Jean’s rare moment of selflessness; it wasn’t his fault that their moms were eaten by titans. He should take the chance to care for his while he can. 

“Do you think we could all four get moved to separate posts?” Bertholdt asked nervously. The thought had crossed his mind recently. Reiner frowned at him, having never even considered the possibility. 

“Well, there’s an easy way to guarantee you’ll get posted together,” Marco started, Jean’s face flushing heavily as he looked at the floor. “Just get married, spouses always get posted together!” 

“W-what?” Bertholdt sputtered, Jean still looking at the floor. “Are you two getting married?!” They had only enlisted a year ago! And that’s the day they would’ve met! 

“Hmm? No, we aren’t engaged,” Marco added, sensing Jean’s nervousness at the conversation. “We’ve only been together for a few months. But when we graduate in two years, I would hope so?” Jean coughed at the conversation, a blush on his face. “He gets nervous thinking about being Jean Bodt is all, he’s fine,” Marco chuckled. 

“I never really thought about getting married…” Bertholdt started, Reiner staring at the table, clearly in thought. “We never had a conversation like that,” 

“I would be fine getting married, but…” Reiner put his head in his hand, leaning against the table. “I wouldn’t want to do it just for military reasons. If we would have to, we’d have to. I’d just prefer that not to be the case,” 

The thought of being married to Reiner started floating through Bertholdt’s mind, him not even hearing whatever it was that Marco was saying to Reiner. Being married. Would it really be any different than what they were going to do anyways? They had talked about living together in the interior and being Military Police. Get a few promotions under their belt. Reiner wanted to get another cow, and name it Raspberry. Maybe even adopt a kid, if the situation _really_ felt right. But they never said they’d get married. 

“Earth to Bertholdt…” Marco snapped Bertholdt out of his thoughts, waving a hand in front of his face. “Are you okay?” 

Bertholdt laughed nervously. “Hehe, yeah… just thinking was all,” 

“About what?” Reiner prodded, an eyebrow raised suspiciously. 

“Just the future and the Military Police is all,” Bertholdt stretched out. “Maybe we’ll see some of our friends in the Garrison too. I heard the commander of the Military Police and the commander of the Survey Corps used to be really good friends too,” 

“Used to be, or still are?” Jean asked. He had given thought to some of the others in their class as well. He wouldn’t mind seeing Sasha and Connie every now and again. 

“Oh, I don’t know. I just heard they used to be friends, sorry,” Bertholdt scratched the back of his head. 

“Well, we’ll all be friends forever, I’m sure of it,” Marco added. “Especially if we do all get stationed together. Maybe in Stohess,” Jean closed his eyes and smiled at the addition, holding Marco’s hand in his own. 

“Yeah. It’ll be great,” Reiner agreed, leaning his head onto Bertholdt’s shoulder. “Being in the interior with my buddies and my number one guy,” 

“Well, we’d better study harder if we want to make it. Mikasa has surpassed all of us in ODM training and hand-to-hand,” Jean said, going back to the book he was reading. The other three agreed, going back to their studying. 

  


“Reiner?” Bertholdt asked after dinner ended one night. They had decided to sit apart that night, Reiner sitting with Colt and Porco while Bertholdt sat with Ymir and Christa. Bertholdt was blushing furiously, and in that moment Reiner knew whatever it was had to do with Ymir. Did he need to confront her or was it nothing? 

“What’s up, Bertl?” Reiner asked, Bertholdt standing behind him sheepishly and looking at the ground. 

“Can I ask you something?” Bertholdt mumbled, Reiner frowning. What was up with Bertholdt? He was edging into the “confront Ymir” camp. 

“Of course, why wouldn’t you be able to?” Reiner asked, him and Bertholdt heading outside. Bertholdt wouldn’t look him straight in the eyes, so he took Bertholdt behind a building where they would have at least some semblance of privacy in the barracks. 

“A-are you… attracted to me?” Bertholdt asked, covering his face with his hands at the question. Reiner raised an eyebrow in confusion at the question before he crossed his arms. 

“Bertl… what did Ymir say or ask you?” Reiner put his hands on Bertholdt’s shoulders, Bertholdt not quite looking him in the eyes. He looked nervously to Reiner, his eyes seeking an answer. Reiner sighed, a blush crossing his features. “Yes… I am,” 

“Okay…” Bertholdt fidgeted with his fingers. “Ymir… she uh, asked if we’ve done it, and I said no, and she started asking more questions, but all we’ve really done is kissed, and I got nervous…” 

“She needs to lay off, if you asked about Christa she’d get all huffy,” Reiner said, Bertholdt still looking anxious. 

“Reiner?” Reiner raised his brows, prompting Bertholdt to continue. “I’m… I think you look good, too,” It felt like Reiner’s gaze was staring straight into his soul in that moment, and Bertholdt had never been more nervous. Reiner looked around his surroundings before pushing a kiss to Bertholdt’s mouth. 

Bertholdt squeaked, especially when he felt Reiner’s tongue lick nervously at his lips. Both of their eyes were open, looking at the other. Bertholdt opened his mouth, Reiner anxiously easing his tongue inside and rubbing it against Bertholdt’s. He pulled away after a moment, his face redder than Bertholdt had ever seen. 

“I don’t know how to kiss like that,” Reiner admitted, a hand on his face as he looked away. Bertholdt put his hands on Reiner’s shoulders. 

“We can figure it out,” Bertholdt mumbled, Reiner’s expression flustered. Bertholdt lowered his face, brushing his lips against Reiner’s. He licked Reiner’s lips, Reiner putting his hands on Bertholdt’s side and opening his mouth. Bertholdt’s tongue very awkwardly rubbed against Reiner’s, both of them holding the other. Reiner pulled away and buried his head into Bertholdt’s form. “Are you okay, Reiner?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Reiner got out, Bertholdt noticing the edge in his voice. Something was wrong. 

“You’re lying,” Bertholdt said bluntly. “What’s wrong?” 

“Kissing you is, uh, making me... hard,” Reiner mumbled into Bertholdt’s chest. Bertholdt froze, unsure how to react, except to clutch when Reiner tried to pull away. 

Being a teenager with teenage desires… that wasn’t something that the cadets really talked about much. Everyone touched themselves, and everyone was a hormonal mess all day every day. And putting so many horny teenagers together like in the barracks proved to be a breeding ground for trouble and hushed shenanigans. It was a miracle that none of the girls had gotten pregnant yet. 

“It’s okay, Reiner,” Bertholdt said, holding Reiner against him. “It’s normal,” 

“I know, but it’s embarrassing,” Reiner said against his chest. 

“It’s just me, nobody else needs to know,” Bertholdt tried to maintain his composure. He was a fucking mess and a ball of nerves right now and knowing Reiner was aroused wasn’t helping him at all. “We can… figure it out,” 

“What?” Reiner asked, his eyes confused and his demeanor meek; bizarre, for Reiner. “What are you saying?” 

Bertholdt kissed Reiner again, Reiner’s movements far less confident than before. Reiner pulled away, biting his lip, when he felt a large palm rub his pants. 

“I was saying we can figure it out together,” Bertholdt said, pinning Reiner against the wall. He let his hand fall south, Reiner offering no resistance at all, only looking to the side to make sure nobody else was around. 

  


“Where have you two been?” Eren asked when Reiner and Bertholdt came back into the bunkhouse, the last two to come in. Reiner looked at Eren and grinned a contented smile. 

“Training, obviously, if we want to make it to the Military Police we have to keep at it!” Reiner lied, Eren none the wiser as he nodded. Armin raised an eyebrow, and Bertholdt noticed, but neither said anything. 

“Can I ask you guys something?” Eren asked, Reiner and Bertholdt going to sit at their bottom bunk. “Do you guys ever think about going back to your hometown?” 

“Hillfar?” Bertholdt asked, raising a hand to his chin. “I can’t say I’d really thought about it,” 

“I can’t say there’s nothing to go back to. Even for you with Shinganshina it’d be a shell with nothing there. But as far as I know there aren’t any other survivors from home except us,” Reiner thought about it. He hadn’t seen anyone else from Hillfar when they made it to Wall Rose. And anyone over seventeen would have been sent off anyways. “Our town was so small. It would be so lonely to go back,” 

“We weren’t even along a river, so it’d be hard to convince anyone else to go settle it with us if Wall Maria _were_ to get retaken,” Bertholdt thought back to it. “I would like to see it again one day, if the titans did get eliminated. But I don’t think that’ll ever happen,” 

“If Wall Maria were retaken we could go finish that fort though,” Reiner laughed, earning a grin from Eren and Armin. 

“I guess logically you’re right. Why would anyone move back to a town that’s remote and not along a river,” Armin started, thinking about it. “But people settled there before, so maybe they would again,” 

“Yeah! When we retake Wall Maria, we’ll get some people to move back to your hometown and rebuild!” Eren said, determination in his voice. “This isn’t just about Shinganshina to me, I want everyone to go back to the homes taken away from them,” 

“Really?” Bertholdt was surprised. It always seemed like Eren’s motivations were quite selfish. He just wanted to eradicate all titans. Hearing him say he was going to take back their home too was nice. “I know you’re set on going to the Survey Corps. I can’t say I have the courage to do the same,” 

Reiner put his hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder. “We’ll both be rooting for you when the time comes,” Armin laughed meekly at that. It was rare having someone not dismiss their aspirations. “If you retake Wall Maria we’ll let you into our fort,” 

“That would be nice,” Armin leaned against Eren’s shoulder, Eren ruffling the blonde hair. “It’ll take a lot of effort to rebuild our home. And it’ll take a lot of resources. Maybe Hillfar would be a good place to settle while Wall Maria recovers from years of wasting away,” 

“Well, we can make plans for you guys staying at our place whenever Wall Maria is retaken. Although I doubt they would station MPs to a remote village to rebuild, truth be told,” 

Reiner had a point, and Armin knew it. But why ruin the fun of fantasizing? Retaking Wall Maria… that was a tall order by itself. And the threat of the armored titan and colossal titan still loomed. But for now… 

“Well, we’ll just need to set up shop in your fort if you can’t stay to rebuild, then,” Reiner and Bertholdt chuckled at the suggestion. 

“We’ll see what we can make happen, then,” Eren stretched out his arms and yawned. “We still have two and a half years of training, then we’ll be certified titan slayers. It’ll be over before we know it,” Eren’s voice seemed to drift away at his own words. “Then we’ll set out on taking back what’s ours,” 

Reiner and Bertholdt nodded at his words. It would be nice to take back their home. Nice, but nigh impossible. 

“Hey, hate to leave but we need to go to sleep. It’ll be over before we know it, so we need rest for training,” Reiner said, him and Bertholdt leaving and heading back to their own top bunk. The two of them laid down, scooting their pillows together. Bertholdt snuggled into Reiner’s chest, feeling one strong arm hold his side and the other hold his head tenderly. He wrapped an arm around Reiner’s torso, holding his back. 

“I love you,” Bertholdt said into Reiner’s chest. The hands holding him tightened against him in a hug. 

“I love you too, Bertl,” Reiner whispered back. 

In the morning Bertholdt’s foot would be in Reiner’s face and his other leg would be dangling off the edge of the bed. But for now, the snuggling was enough to lull them both to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is graduation! Looking at maybe a week? I'm starting my long work week tomorrow and I need to work on finishing my other big fic.
> 
> I actually wrote an explicit scene in this chapter but this is rated M and I took it out. I might post missing smut scenes since I like writing them figuring it out but it'd have to be a separate fic so I can keep the rating down here.


	6. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was sixth, Reiner was fifth. Thank the stars they made it, all the work wasn’t for naught, it was really happening.

“Do you think we’re going to make it?” Bertholdt asked Reiner, Jean and Marco at their usual hangout spot. Two years and eleven months had passed, their time in the Cadet Corps drawing to a close. It had been a long time coming, the intensity of their training increasing as the years went by. Friendships were forged, some broken. Relationships blossomed, some withered away. 

Competition for the top ten spots seemed to get more intense the closer they got to graduation, all four of them forced to step up their game. Mikasa flew to the top of the class, but Colt and Galliard and Annie became ruthless in their quest to rank highly. Almost like they felt they had to. Didn’t they know they could stay safe working with the Garrison too? Maybe not as safe, but safe nonetheless. 

That was four people likely to make it already; and there were four of them, but only ten spots open. 

“I think we’ll be fine,” Reiner replied, Marco holding Jean’s hand on the table. His arms were crossed, the chessboard between him and Jean showing Reiner to be the superior chess player. “We’ve all worked so hard, I can’t imagine any of us not making it,” 

“Yeah, we’ll all be fine,” Marco said, him knowing the best move to make against Reiner but not telling Jean. That’d just make Bertholdt get help from Reiner next time. “I can’t believe in just a month we’ll all be Military Police and I get to serve King Fritz!” 

“I admire your dedication,” Jean teased, that damned irresistible grin crossing his features leaving Marco unable to even try to retaliate. “I’m going to be glad to get to the interior. Mom will need to wait a bit while I get settled in,” 

“My parents are adamant about staying back in Jinae. They’ve lived there since they were born, and insist that’s where they’ll live when they die,” 

“Sounds like how some of the people back home used to be,” Bertholdt thought out loud. What was the old lady’s name again? Oh, right. Elza. She always said she’d come into this world in Hillfar and she’d leave this world in Hillfar. 

Well… she hadn’t been wrong. 

“I know, I remember that even Elric used to say he’d stay there forever. It seemed so small though, even then,” Reiner smirked before Jean even realized how bad a mistake he had made. He moved his knight, taking Jean’s queen. “I wonder, if Wall Maria never fell, if we would have stayed,” 

“I don’t think we would’ve,” Bertholdt said, idly picking up Jean’s fallen queen piece and looking at it absentmindedly. “We always wandered off into the woods, or up the side of the mountain. We were always wanting to go check out new places,” 

“Hehe, you’re right,” Reiner chuckled, Jean in distress now that his most powerful piece had been taken away from him. “I always wanted to see the Forest of Giant Trees. Mom and Uncle Tobias talked about saving up to take us there one day,” 

“Jean, I don’t think there’s much coming back from that…” Marco said, studying the board before them after Jean lost his queen. 

“I got this!” Jean said, frustration in his voice. He most certainly did not have this. 

“So I heard one of the instructors talking to Shadis, apparently all Military Police that enlist from our class are going to be stationed in Stohess,” 

“Stohess? Really? Why not Ehrmich District?” Bertholdt asked. Ehrmich was directly north of Trost, the outlier district of Wall Sina lying in the Southern Region. Cadets in the Southern Cadet Corps almost always wound up stationed in Ehrmich. 

“Apparently there was some sort of corruption out in Stohess that led to a ton of MPs being ousted. An officer was caught overcollecting taxes and took too much from a family that was too influential, and he ratted out pretty much everyone involved,” Marco explained, his features troubled. All he wanted was to honorably serve the king and dedicate his heart. Avarice has no place in the military like that. 

“That wound up taking out so many MP that they have to pull the Southern Region cadets?” Reiner asked incredulously, raising a brow. “I can’t imagine how high up that must have gone,” 

“The commander of the Military Police is supposed to have moved his station to Stohess to monitor the situation. It’s bad,” 

“Well, at the very least it means we can all be stationed together,” Bertholdt chirped, Reiner smiling at him. 

Marco and Jean were going to be married soon so they could be stationed together. They kept it very hush-hush, neither of them particularly affectionate in front of other people. They had been together for nearly two and a half years, so it wasn’t really a surprise so much as expected. That way there was no risk of being stationed apart, even in the future. 

Bertholdt glanced over at Reiner. They weren’t engaged or anything. It had come up a couple of times over the past two years, but never particularly seriously. Reiner had a knack for figuring things out as they went along, though he clearly spent a lot of time thinking about possibilities for the future. Getting to graduation was their first priority, they could figure out the rest later. Especially since they’d all be going to Stohess anyways. 

For a while, too, based on the sounds of it. Military Police usually didn’t get shuffled around much without the soldiers requesting it anyways. 

Maybe they could request being moved to Orvud District for a while, to enjoy the colder weather and hot springs that were supposedly nestled in the mountains to the north. There were too many places to go and things to see! How could they do it all? 

“I’m looking forward to Stohess. Mom’s going to be thrilled to get to move from Trost,” Jean moved his bishop, Marco raising his brow at the move. He wasn’t sure where Jean was going with it, but Reiner simply smirked. It was already over for Jean whether he knew it or not. “She’s like you two. Always wanting to move from her hometown. Spending your whole life in the same place… it almost sounds like that stuff Jaeger always goes on about,” 

“I understand why Eren feels how he does. Being cooped up can be crushing. But there’s plenty inside the walls for me,” Reiner moved his own bishop, taking Jean’s much to his friend’s dismay. “Check,” 

“Well, as soon as we graduate I think I’ll send a letter to my parents informing them of my decision. I… want to wait until I’m actually in the Military Police before I make plans,” Marco rubbed his arm, a tiny flash of anxiety crossing his features. 

“Don’t worry, Marco. If I make the MPs and we get married you’ll be stationed as Garrison in Stohess with me. It’ll be fine,” Jean said, flashing one of his famous smarmy grins. Marco laughed, a blush on his face. 

“Yeah, I guess so…” 

  


“Are you willing to dedicate your hearts?!” The instructor barked, all graduating cadets saluting and offering their affirmation. Of the cadets that had enlisted five years ago, a little over two hundred of them ultimately graduated. “You have three options open to you from here on out!” 

Bertholdt’s knees felt like they were shaking, him standing in a line in front of all of the other cadets. Reiner was at his side, placing one spot ahead of him in the top ten. He was sixth, Reiner was fifth. Thank the stars they made it, all the work wasn’t for naught, it was really happening. 

“The Garrison Regiment reinforces the walls and defends against the titan threat! The Survey Corps travel outside the walls to take back what once belonged to humanity! And the Military Police maintain the laws within the walls under the orders of His Royal Majesty!” 

“Only the top ten cadets in the class are eligible to join the Military Police! They are the ones you are to aspire to, the ones you can all learn from!” Shadis cleared his throat before continuing. “Mikasa Ackerman! Porco Galliard! Colt Grice! Annie Leonhardt! Reiner Braun! Bertholdt Hoover! Eren Jaeger! Jean Kirschtein! Marco Bodt! Connie Springer! You are the top ten! Make sure you show everyone what a top candidate is capable of!” 

  


Bertholdt immediately tackled Reiner as soon as the graduation ceremony had been disbanded. “We did it! We get to join the Military Police!” Reiner caught Bertholdt in his arms, laughing and holding him tight. “I thought this day would never come,” Reiner leaned up and pecked Bertholdt’s cheek, both of them all smiles. 

“I know. We’re going to Stohess, we’re going to stay fed, we’ll have a nice place to live,” Reiner nuzzled his face into Bertholdt’s shoulder. “You’ll be safe with me,” 

“Hey! Get a room, you two!” Reiner broke away from Bertholdt to see Connie and Sasha approaching them, Connie laughing at them. Sasha chuckled, her hand stifling a small laugh. “I heard all the MPs are going to Stohess, I guess I’ll see you there!” 

“That’s true, all the MPs are headed to Stohess. I’m glad you’ll be there with us,” Bertholdt said, Connie looking up at him with a cocky expression. 

“Having a genius like me around will keep the MPs focused. I can’t wait to visit Ragako and have my folks see me now!” 

“Genius? Ha!” Sasha laughed heartily, putting her hand on top of Connie’s shaved head. “Maybe at getting into trouble,” 

“Hey! All the trouble I got into was with you anyways!” Connie crossed his arms and turned away from Sasha. “They’ll tell you all about the trouble I’m not getting into in Stohess,” 

“I don’t know about that, Connie. You did plenty of things without Sasha being involved,” Reiner added, his arm still around Bertholdt’s waist. “Seems to me like Bertl and I might just have to keep our mouths shut,” 

“What!? Bertholdt, back me up here!” 

“…Sorry, Connie,” Bertholdt blushed as he spoke, Connie’s expression dropping. He really couldn’t be helped. He’d never say it out loud, but he wasn’t really sure how Connie had made it to the top ten, truthfully, over other cadets like Ymir. 

“Quit going on about nothing, Connie! It’s time to go change into our regular clothes and go eat!” Sasha said, pulling Connie’s arm back towards the living quarters. Reiner and Bertholdt both grinned as the two went away, both of them turning to walk behind them. 

“I guess it’s nice knowing who we’ll be stationed with. I think everyone might be going to Stohess,” 

“Except Eren. I’m sure he’ll join the scouts,” Reiner said, thinking about the others in the top ten. “…Maybe Mikasa, too. She always sticks with Eren,” 

“Yeah, that sounds right,” The two of them quickly made it back to their living quarters while they were in Trost, changing their clothes and heading back to the mess hall. It was nicer here than it was at the barracks, cleaner and around more shops and things to do. 

It was all smiles all around, all the cadets happy to have finally graduated. They were even serving meat, a rare luxury since Wall Maria fell. Sasha had practically inhaled her ration, begging others for just a little bit of theirs. 

Reiner would’ve impaled her hand with his fork if she even thought about taking his. 

Jean sighed, looking down into his mead. Soldiers didn’t usually drink much, but tonight was a special night. “I can’t believe I placed below Jaeger,” Marco rubbed a hand on his back, a content expression on his face. 

“There, there, Jean…” Marco leaned his head onto Jean’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about that, we’ll be married this time two months from now, and you’ll be on your way to being an officer in the MP. With me and Bertl and Reiner,” 

“Are you out of your mind!?” All four of them looked up from their food at Thomas’s voice. Oh, it looked like he was talking to Eren. It was probably about the Survey Corps, then. Of course he’d get pushback, being eligible for the MP and presumably sticking with the scouts. 

The hush was awkward, the entire mess hall quieting and looking at them. 

“We can’t beat the titans. We lost hundreds of thousands of people. Doesn’t that tell you anything?” 

“We’re a hell of a lot better off than we were when the wall fell five years ago. I trained to be a soldier, not to cower behind these damn walls,” Eren crossed his arms as he spoke. “We know more than we did then. Every lost battle we learned more, got a step closer to beating them. Are you telling me to lie down and accept all the losses, forget about the sacrifices of all those that died before?” 

“Eren, I’m not-“ Thomas started, being cut off again. Bertholdt swallowed, Reiner putting down the glass of mead he had pressed against his lips when Eren started his rant. 

“Our future is outside these damned walls! I’ll pave the way myself if I have to. I’ll kill every last titan, and I won’t stop until we’ve won. I’ll make sure that nobody died a meaningless death if nobody else will!” Eren growled lowly, angry tears welling as he turned and left. Armin and Mikasa followed after him, the mess hall eventually returning to its low hum of activity. 

Jean shook his head and stared back into his mead. “Good luck to him. He’ll need it…” 

Reiner awkwardly turned to Bertholdt, a troubled expression on his face. Bertholdt shook his head and rubbed his hand along the back of Reiner’s palm. 

“We’ll be headed to the interior in three days. We’ll get there, Reiner,” He said softly. 

“I know. I’m just worried about him. He’s our friend, after all. I don’t want to see him killed because he’s too reckless,” 

“Reiner. Let’s go outside,” Bertholdt suggested, their plates already cleaned. They finished their mead before leaving, not wanting to part with that luxury either. They saw Armin and Mikasa sitting with Eren on the steps outside, instead choosing to stand against the wall of a secluded alleyway. “That was something else,” 

“Yeah…” Reiner crossed his arms and looked down at the ground. “He wants to make sure all the soldiers before died with purpose,” He brought a hand up to his face, shaking his head. “Mom and Uncle Tobias… did they die with purpose? Being sent to die on a mission like that, knowing it was hopeless,” 

“I know. Mom and dad… they died senseless deaths. Meaningless ones. Nobody cares that they’re gone besides me and you. Everyone I cared about is gone,” Bertholdt sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “But I don’t know that retaking Wall Maria would give their deaths any meaning anyways. They weren’t fighting for humanity. They were just civilians,” 

“Bertholdt. Even if everything we do is meaningless…” Reiner turned, facing him and looking at him seriously. “If we’re cowards staying in the interior. If everything is meaningless. No matter what happens to any of the other cadets. Wherever you’re at, I’ll be with you,” Reiner’s eyes bore straight into Bertholdt’s soul. He bit his lip, his eyes burning as he pulled Reiner against him. 

“I love you,” Bertholdt mumbled into Reiner’s shoulder. Reiner nuzzled his head against Bertholdt’s. The warm summer night air was comfortable, the two of them holding one another. Eventually the two of them parted, looking up at the sky. The wall was there, same as always. Above the wall, the stars danced in the night sky, twinkling beautifully. 

“I love you too, Bertholdt. So much,” Reiner took Bertholdt’s hand in his own, the two of them returning to the street. “Let’s just walk together. Nobody else,” 

“I’d like that,” Bertholdt said, the two of them looking back at the sky and stars as they walked hand-in-hand. 

  


Reiner and Bertholdt watched from the top of the wall as the scout regiment left, them stationed far away along the western side of the wall. “There they go again,” Reiner thought out loud, observing the wagons of supplies behind them. “Do you think they’ll ever retake Wall Maria?” 

“I don’t know. They’ve been going out and establishing those supply bases outside the walls pretty consistently over the past couple of years. I think they’re planning to try and retake within the year,” Bertholdt finished cleaning the inside of the cannon, moving on to the next one. 

“Officially they’re supposed to try in about two years,” Marco said, Jean and him both performing routine maintenance on the ODM gear at the top of the wall. “That’s what’s been going around, anyways,” 

“I hope everyone stays safe during their expedition,” Krista said, Ymir leaning her arm on her shoulder. 

“That’s my Krista, always worrying about everyone,” Ymir grinned and put her hands on Krista’s shoulders. “You need to think more about yourself sometimes!” 

“H-hey! It’s okay to worry about others, Ymir!” Krista protested, Ymir laughing in response. 

“I am worried about someone besides myself. You!” Ymir wrapped her arm around Krista’s shoulder, a blush forming on Krista’s face. 

Eventually the Survey Corps faded from sight. All of them were anxious to get officially assigned to their regiments. They had graduated the night before, and the next day they were supposed to head on out. 

“I’m going to miss it here, at least a little,” Reiner said, helping Bertholdt with the next cannon. “Going to the interior. I guess part of me feels like I’m going even farther away from home,” 

“It’s okay, Reiner. We’ll have a new home together soon enough, where we can live peacefully,” 

As soon as Bertholdt finished talking, a large crack of thunder sounded in the distance. Everyone turned to face the direction the sound had come from, the southern wall where the Survey Corps had left through earlier. 

Reiner and Bertholdt’s eyes went wide, pits forming in their stomachs at the sight of a massive, red, skinless titan big enough to peer over the wall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write more about their training years, but most of it was just character building and I could meander about little things they all do while growing up forever. I'll still write them but they'll go in the side stories.
> 
> Seasonal depression is killing me, so this might not update as often as I'd like. I go back to work soon, so hopefully I can get another chapter posted next week sometime.


	7. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner was lying. He might’ve been good at lying to other people, even their friends, when he needed to. But Reiner couldn’t dream of lying to Bertholdt and succeeding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really long wait between last chapter and this chapter! :(  
When I posted the last one I was still writing my smut fic, and I was getting self-conscious about not getting it done quick enough and that my writing wasn't that good. Plus I always have issues getting things done in the winter time, especially now that I work night shift and was literally going days at a time without seeing the sun.
> 
> But now that one fic is done and winter is winding down so I've felt a little more relaxed. There definitely won't be as long a delay before the next chapter.

“Is… that…” Bertholdt started to stutter, his hand shaking when he pointed at the massive titan. 

“The colossal titan,” Reiner finished, swallowing at the sight. Jean and Marco both stood still, their mouths hanging open in shock. 

“Is that a soldier trying to kill it?” Ymir said, noticing what looked like a tiny speck swiveling around to get to the titan’s nape. It expelled steam, and blew the soldier away. “He doesn’t stand a chance.” 

The titan reared its leg back, then kicked, opening a massive hole into the wall. It pulled back its massive arm, knocking away all the cannons lining the top of Wall Rose. Reiner and Bertholdt both went pale at the sight, along with all the other soldiers. But then there was a crack of lightning again, and the colossal titan just… vanished? What the hell? Where did it go? 

“It opened up a hole!” Everybody looked at the outside of the wall, where the titans had been roaming since Wall Maria fell five years ago. There were already titans near the hole, several of them making their way inside. 

“They, they breached the wall again,” Krista said quietly, holding her hands over her mouth. Ymir stood behind her protectively, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

“…Ha, ha ha, ha ha ha…” Jean started laughing nervously. “Really? After all these years of peace, it happens on a day like today?” He stared up at the clear sky, puffy clouds drifting around aimlessly. Off in the distance, a sheet of clouds looked as though they were moving in. 

Bertholdt only stood still, looking down when he felt Reiner move in to cling to him. He clung to Reiner as well, the two of them staring in horrified silence when titans started pouring into the wall. 

A Garrison soldier made his way to the wall where all the cadets were standing, landing promptly. “Attention cadets! The response plan for the reappearance of the colossal titan is in effect! I expect each and every one of you to partake!” 

All of them nervously saluted, following the soldier to HQ with their ODM gear. Bertholdt swallowed when he looked down whilst flying overhead; church bells were ringing, and already dozens of Garrison soldiers were evacuating the citizens below. He never realized just how many people lived in Trost until he was confronted with the vision of all those hundreds of families fleeing in terror. 

Surely just as many people ran five years ago in Shinganshina. 

Established, experienced Garrison soldiers made their way to the top of Wall Rose, manning as many cannons as they could to eliminate titans before they could make their way inside. Others had set up a large net in front of the hole after taking care of a small titan that had toddled inside. It wasn’t lost on them that the colossal titan had taken out the cannons where the hole had been made. 

Titans weren’t supposed to be intelligent, but a plan like that implied it knew what it was doing? That was so much scarier than normal mindless titans that just _were._

Reiner and Bertholdt quickly got all their supplies in order, standing next to one another. Reiner leaned into Bertholdt, Bertholdt holding him back. 

“Reiner. We’ll… we’ll make it through this. We have to. Besides, we’re better off than we were five years ago, right?” Reiner glanced up and looked at Bertholdt’s eyes. 

Liar. Reiner could see the panic and abject terror behind that soft smile of his. But what good would panicking do besides ensuring they’d be dead within the hour? He couldn’t panic, couldn’t slip up when failure could mean his Bertholdt meeting a terrible end inside some titan’s belly. 

“Yeah, we’re better off. And then we’ll join the Military Police and live on our farm.” Reiner said, Bertholdt squeezing him. They needed a distraction from the panic around them. “And I’m going to name my horse Peaches.” A chuckle from Bertholdt. Bertholdt started to open his mouth to respond when they heard nearby panicking. 

“We’re as good as dead! The human race doesn’t have the engineering capabilities to seal up that hole given its size. The materials we’d need to seal it aren’t available. Our only hope is that boulder close to the wall, but we could never lift it! The armored is going to come back, we’re dead!” 

Hearing Armin’s truthfully valid points was like having a wet blanket tossed on them. Instead the two of them turned away and walked away. They couldn’t think like that. Even if it was a fantasy, the thought of Reiner and his Peaches was what Bertholdt needed right now. 

All the soldiers were led out of the supply room and lined up in rows outside, within the walls of HQ. More than anything Reiner wanted to reach a hand over and stroke Bertholdt’s hand, but they were forced at attention. The Garrison captain was speaking at them, barking orders about the current situation. 

Okay… the elite soldiers were taking the back to ensure safe evacuation of civilians. That made sense. The cadets were comfortably in the middle, with Garrison soldiers in the front defending the gate. 

“With all that said, the front guard has been wiped out! The outer wall is done for, and the titans are inside the city! Vanguard, be ready for the titans! Middle guard, be ready!” 

Bertholdt glanced down and to the side at the heavy exhale out of Reiner’s nose. He always did that when he was nervous. Reiner caught him looking at him, giving a nervous smile in response. 

“We’ll be fine, Bertl.” Reiner’s words were soft, not noticeable among the chatter from other soldiers. “We’ll stay safe.” Reiner was lying. He might’ve been good at lying to other people, even their friends, when he needed to. But Reiner couldn’t dream of lying to Bertholdt and succeeding. 

“Keep in mind you can be punished with death if you desert! Lay down your life if it comes down to it! You are all dismissed!” As soon as they saluted the two of them grabbed one another, then broke apart. 

“I guess we should, uh, get to it.” Reiner said, scratching the back of his head. Bertholdt didn’t say anything, noting Jean walking by them. Daz collapsed on the ground and was vomiting. Bertholdt couldn’t blame him; part of him wanted to vomit as well. 

Reiner and Peaches and Military Police. Keep it in mind. Jean and Marco were going to be stationed in Stohess with him and Reiner. It’d be nice, having friends close by. Bertholdt still needed to think of a name for his own horse. They just have to get through today. 

“Damn it, damn it all, why today? I was supposed to be going to the interior tomorrow! Damn it all…” Jean walked past them, his eyes closed and him paying them no mind. Reiner couldn’t blame him. 

Oh? Eren and Jean started arguing again. Even in a situation like this they’re still going at it? 

“We made it through for three years, why are you so worried about one day? The Military Police will be there tomorrow and you can go hide in the interior for the rest of your life if you want! Just get through this one day! Isn’t that what we’re trained for?!” Eren barked at Jean. Jean grit his teeth and walked away. 

“I guess we should see what squads we’ve been assigned to.” Reiner said, the two of them going to get their assignments. Both of their stomachs dropped when they were assigned to completely different squads, practically across the city from one another. 

Bertholdt was with Eren and Armin, and it looked like Thomas and Mina too. Reiner was with Ymir and Krista and Connie, but he didn’t even recognize the other two names. 

“We’re being split up…” Reiner turned to Bertholdt, throwing his hands onto Bertholdt’s shoulders and squeezing tightly. “Bertholdt. God, please… just stay safe. _Please_ stay safe out there. Come back to me alive so I can tell you why the name you picked for your horse isn’t that good.” 

Bertholdt smiled a little at Reiner’s awkward attempt to be comforting. Sometimes his humor could be misplaced, but he couldn’t even start to be mad about it. 

“I know. Stay safe for me, Reiner. You know more about taking care of animals than I do. I… I love you. Stay safe and come back to me, please.” 

“You know I will. I love you too.” Reiner pulled Bertholdt in for a kiss, Bertholdt reciprocating. Normally they were disdainful of too much overt PDA, but really… these were mitigating circumstances anyways and as much as both of them said they’d see the other soon the fear they _wouldn’t_ see each other again wouldn’t go away. 

  


Bertholdt stood on the roof alongside his squad. Armin had been assigned to be their leader, but he was staring nervously off into the distance while Eren stood closely by. The sky was still crystal clear and beautiful, although off in the distance a sheet of clouds was still creeping closer to them. 

“If we prove our worth here we can skip being rookies and doing grunt work all together! We’ll go right up through the ranks, Armin!” Eren said confidently, slapping a hand on Armin’s back and giving him a bright, toothy smile. Armin looked at him for a second, then smiled. 

“I’m with you. Thanks, Eren.” Armin said, the pink dusting on his face not lost on Bertholdt. Armin needed someone to support him. Good thing Eren was in the squad with him, because otherwise… 

Was it bad that he knew he was stronger than Armin? He didn’t need to have Reiner around to stand on his own. Armin was never good in combat, and though he was incredibly intelligent, intelligence in this moment wasn’t particularly useful. They weren’t tacticians, they were foot soldiers right now. As selfish as it was… he hoped Armin wouldn’t become a liability. As long as Eren was here hopefully that wouldn’t be the case. 

“Hey, hey, now! You might’ve made the top ten but don’t think that means that you get all the credit! We’re getting in on this too!” Mina chirped confidently, a hand on her hip. Thomas laughed and joined in. 

“Yeah! One with the most kills gets bragging rights! Don’t think you and Bertholdt have an advantage just because you two are in the top ten!” Before Bertholdt got a chance to respond, a nearby Garrison soldier ordered them to move out and support a specific vanguard squad. 

This was really, _really_ bad. The number of titans walking around down there, mindlessly marching inside the wall. Is this what it was like in Shinganshina all those years ago? 

“Everyone look out! An abnormal!” Bertholdt’s eyes zeroed in on the titan on the roof ahead of him, quickly moving out of the way when it jumped and landing on his feet on the roof. The others in his squad landed as well, apart from Eren, who was suspended on the side of the building. 

…Where was Thomas? 

They all looked at the titan, who had its arms wrapped around the tower of the building. It peeked over, Bertholdt’s eyes going wide when he saw Thomas in the titan’s mouth. The titan reared its head back, swallowing Thomas whole. 

Watching someone get eaten by a titan… Bertholdt had seen it before. Watched his dad get eaten. But seeing it again. It was messing with him. Why did he almost have a feeling of _“better you than me”_ bubbling up in his stomach? Shouldn’t his reaction be different, more selfless? But still, he was just relieved it wasn’t him that had died. 

Bertholdt swallowed instinctively, but he found he wasn’t shivering like Mina and Armin were. Eren stared for a moment, before he barked at the titan. “I’ll kill you! I’m going to kill you for killing my friend! How dare you kill Thomas?!” Eren quickly sped off, Armin shouting his name in the meantime. 

“Wait!” Bertholdt shouted, Mina looking at him nervously for a moment before speeding away as well. They couldn’t just act rashly like this. They’d die. Bertholdt stood for a moment, taking a deep breath and following them at a distance. Eren sped ahead, an abnormal jumping up and biting off his leg. 

Bertholdt bit his lip, seeing Eren collide into the roof like that. Another titan grabbed Mina, and another grabbed another solider. He suspended himself from the top of a tower, watching the carnage below. Mina was screaming, the titan pulling her into its mouth and biting down. 

Why was Armin standing still like that? The bearded titan picked him up easily, holding him over its mouth and opening wide. Eren reacted to the sight, hobbling up and winding over to the titan as soon as it dropped Armin inside. Eren reached inside its mouth and pulled Armin out, tossing him to the roof. The titan bit down, swallowing Eren. 

Bertholdt frowned. Why was Armin not moving?! He shot an anchor next to Armin, flying down as quickly as he could and scooping up the blonde while he screamed. He couldn’t just let Armin die like that. But he wasn’t about to chance trying to kill the titan in the meantime. Just get Armin and run. It was hard to maneuver carrying Armin, especially with him screaming like that. 

"Stop it, Armin!" Bertholdt shouted, not getting any response in return. He anchored himself to the top of a church tower and flew to the top, adjusting himself and Armin so that he could try and fly better with the other one panicking like he was. Bertholdt reached a hand down and smacked Armin's face, Armin quieting in response. "Snap out of it!" 

…Maybe Armin was a little bit of a liability. Especially if Eren was gone. 

But would he be any better if he watched Reiner get eaten in front of him? He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t be sure. And because he couldn't be sure, he couldn't really be mad at Armin. 

There were lots of soldiers standing on that roof over there. Bertholdt quickly maneuvered to meet up with everyone. He could put Armin down and let Armin try to relax and calm down. 

  


“You’re our rock, Reiner. Solid and strong.” Reiner blushed a little at Krista’s compliment, Ymir coming up behind her and putting her elbow on Krista’s shoulder. “That should be the last one of this group of titans, anyways…” 

They had encountered a group of titans that were causing heavy losses as they moved through the area. Unfortunately, their squad was down two soldiers. One of them their leader, actually. But working together, Reiner and Connie were able to take down the biggest titan while Ymir and Krista took out another. Ymir and Connie had no synergy, though… luckily he and Krista were able to take out the one that they only injured slightly. 

“It’s too bad about Ludwig and Mia…” Krista lamented, sad that she had been unable to prevent their deaths. Hearing him beg for mercy was one of the worst things she’d ever heard. Reiner and Connie stayed silent, Ymir shaking her head. 

“What’s past is past. Let’s just keep moving forward.” With that, the group of them moved on. They noticed the number of soldiers flying through the air had thinned significantly. The immediate area was free of titans, at least. 

How was the evacuation going? They couldn’t pull back behind Wall Rose to rest and recuperate until the evacuation was finished. Surely at the rate the evacuation had been going it shouldn’t be too much longer? 

How was Bertholdt? Reiner couldn’t help but worry, and was trying to keep busy to keep himself from worrying too much. Was Bertholdt still alive? No… he had to be alive. No wondering about it. Bertholdt was definitely alive. 

“Hey! There’s a squad struggling to the west! We need to provide support!” Reiner shouted, the other soldiers following him. Jean was struggling, his gear malfunctioning and him desperately trying to fix it while Sasha was trying to provide a distraction. Reiner shot an anchor into the titan’s shoulder, flying forward and slicing the titan’s nape. 

“Reiner! Help me!” Jean called out, Reiner going down and grabbing Jean. He took his friend to the rooftop, Jean desperately trying to fix his ODM gear. “I was out here when my gear just quit working!” 

“You’re lucky we saw you!” Ymir said, crossing her arms and giving Jean a smile. “I don’t suppose you’ll thank me with a reward, hmm?” 

“Cut the bullshit, Ymir! Now isn’t the time!” Jean barked, working on fixing his gear and finding the issue. He quickly worked at making the emergency repairs, readjusting his gear once it was fixed. “Sasha and I are the only two left alive from our squad… damn it!” 

“We need to rendezvous with other soldiers. I think I saw a few on that rooftop over there!” Connie said, pointing to the east. Reiner squinted and looked. Yes… it looked like there were a fair few soldiers over there. “Are we ready? Good to go?” 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Reiner said, shooting his anchor and heading towards the group of soldiers while all the others followed behind him. The dark clouds were moving in quickly, Reiner blinking when he felt a couple of drops of rain hit his face. 

He landed with a thud, his squad landing behind him in the meantime. There were a few other soldiers around. Reiner looked around, feeling his body flood with relief. “Bertholdt! You’re alive!” His feet moved automatically, Bertholdt turning around at his voice and smiling. 

“Reiner! Thank god you’re okay!” Bertholdt kissed Reiner’s cheek, feeling the trunk of his body getting crushed in Reiner’s grip. “Are you hurt?” 

“No. I’m fine. Are you okay?” Reiner pulled away, his eyes scanning Bertholdt’s body. No obvious injuries. Bertholdt looked a lot more exhausted than he did the last time they were together earlier today. 

“Who cares? You’re safe…” Bertholdt squeezed Reiner. They weren’t the only ones clinging to one another but he didn’t even care if anyone was watching them at this point. Ymir and Krista, for example. 

“I care, Bertl. I care so much.” Reiner stroked Bertholdt’s cheek with his thumb. “Where’s the rest of your squad?” 

“They died. Eren and Mina and Thomas all got killed. Pretty much at once. It was awful…” Bertholdt closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “Armin is over there. He just shut down when Eren was eaten. I grabbed him and put him down over there.” 

“Oh, Bertl…” Reiner put his hands on Bertholdt’s shoulders. “I just… I’m so glad you’re safe. I hate what happened but god… you’re safe. I almost can’t believe it.” 

“It’s okay. We just need to make it through today. We can go live on our farm, Reiner.” Reiner smiled at Bertholdt’s words. 

Yes, they’d go live on their farm. What was it that Eren had said to Jean a few hours ago? If they could just get through this hell they’d be on their way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about doing more of Trost in this chapter but I didn't. It'd been too long and I wanted to get something posted. I originally considered doing a really long chapter and doing almost all of Trost at once but it wouldv'e been ridiculously long because I didn't realize how long the battle for trost was until I started rewatching the anime to write it.  
I think the pacing will change a bit whenever Trost is over because everything is through reibert's point of view while the anime is eren's.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It might’ve been boring… but I’ve had a good life. I want you to go on, Reiner.”  
“No, Bertholdt. I can’t let something happen to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trost is really hard to write because it's not a part of the story I'm super interested in. Oh well.

“I’m glad to see that your squad survived for the most part, Reiner.” Bertholdt said, taking stock of the situation. His squad had been nearly wiped out; Jean’s squad had been nearly wiped out. Reiner’s squad was doing pretty well, only down two. There were several squads unaccounted for, though, and there was no telling how they were doing. Or if there was even a squad _to_ be accounted for. Was Marco’s squad okay? He had Colt and Annie. Was Galliard’s squad okay? He was probably cursing being stuck with Daz. 

“Yeah, me too. I guess… should you come with my squad? We—” Reiner’s words were cut off by shouting, and Connie calling Ymir a bitch. Bertholdt winced a little; he knew how Ymir could be but didn’t really find the name-calling appropriate at the moment. Of course everyone was frazzled and upset. Observing everyone made that apparent. Ever Reiner was fidgeting more than usual, and Bertholdt could see where Reiner had been chewing on his lower lip; old nervous habits die hard. Surely Reiner’s lips would be bleeding by the end of the day. 

Armin stood up suddenly, marching steadily towards the edge of the roof. Reiner and Bertholdt watched him silently, their brows raised. “I’m sorry for causing problems! Let’s go meet up with the rear guard and evacuate!” Armin shot an anchor out and sped away, Ymir and Krista coming up behind Bertholdt and Reiner. 

“Oi. Guess he got tired of being useless. Let’s go, Krista.” Ymir took her arm from around Krista’s shoulder and set off towards their destination. 

“Hmm. They’re all headed towards the wall. Once the evacuation is complete we can fall back too, so I guess we should just go. Surely the evacuation is almost done by now?” Reiner thought out loud, running his hand along his chin. 

“I don’t think so, we haven’t heard a peep from the rear guard about orders to fall back.” 

“But what would hold up the evacuation?” 

“I don’t know. But let’s go ahead and head on that way so that when the orders to evacuate come we aren’t all the way out here. I want out of here as quick as possible.” Reiner nodded at Bertholdt’s words, the two of them a little behind the other cadets where they had stayed and talked for just a moment. 

“Hey, Bertl, there’s some people down there! We need to help!” Bertholdt looked where two soldiers were on the ground, one obviously dead while the other kneeled next to them. The two of them dropped to the ground, approaching the soldiers. Was the kneeling one slapping the one on the ground? 

…Oh? The man standing up had a Military Police uniform on. The woman on the ground did too, but he was slapping her face over and over again. Bertholdt grimaced when they got closer, the woman’s body bitten in half. 

“Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” The man kept ordering, smacking the corpse’s face over and over again. Reiner swallowed. What was Military Police doing out here? “God damn it all Sylvia, open your eyes! Please!” The man wailed and cried, hugging her before he went back to smacking her. 

“Sir…” Bertholdt started, the man turning around and seeing the cadets. 

“Thank god! Help! I can’t get her up, I don’t know what to do,” Slyvia? Was that her name? Her body was losing its color from time passing and blood loss. But still the man tried to wake her up. “Why? Why?! Why did this happen?” 

“Hey, we have to get out of here, it isn’t safe.” Reiner said, approaching and leaning down to grab the man’s arm. The man jerked his arm away and gave Reiner a half-heartbroken, half-enraged look. 

“Don’t tell me about safe! I’m an MP! Why am I out here?! Why is she…” The man reached down and hugged the dead woman to his chest and cried again. “My wife and I became Military Police ten years ago and she still wound up like this! Why?! What’s even the truth anymore?” 

Bertholdt’s head snapped up when he felt distant footsteps approaching. “Reiner.” 

Reiner knew. They couldn’t stay, they _had_ to leave. If this man didn’t want them to save him, if he wanted to stay… so be it. 

A man and his wife who were both Military Police… sent out to fight the titans. Reiner couldn’t help but find himself shivering, rattled at the sight. But at the same time, he could just see himself kneeling there slapping Bertholdt’s face. 

The two of them landed on a rooftop after a minute, Reiner shaking his head and leaning against a wall while Bertholdt stood next to him, his arms crossed. It was humid, the warm summer air saturated with moisture as rain fell from on high. Reiner crossed his arms and glanced at Bertholdt, but his stomach turned a little when he stood up again. 

“Bertl?” Reiner asked, checking his gas supply. He was running low. He wasn’t even sure he had enough to make it back to the wall, which by itself _shouldn’t_ be an issue, but… “Have you seen any logisticians? I need more gas, I’m running low.” 

“…Now that you mention it, I haven’t.” Bertholdt checked his gas supply. He was running low too. He swallowed, glancing at Reiner and noticing his worried expression. “We both did a lot of titan fighting. Let’s just head towards the wall and see if any of the other soldiers have extra gas to give us.” A nod, followed by the pair of them flying closer to the wall. 

The evacuation bell started ringing, the pair of them seeing almost all the cadets gathered on rooftops. Oddly, none of them started moving when the bells rang/ Bertholdt landed first when he spotted Jean, Reiner following behind just a little. “Jean! Why isn’t anyone evacuating?” 

“We’re all dead.” Jean deadpanned, looking up with a blank expression at his friends. “The order finally came but we’re all out of gas. How are we supposed to climb the wall?” 

“Out of gas? Everyone? Where are the logisticians?” Reiner asked, a frown on his face and his arms crossed. “I haven’t seen any of them, and I’m so low on gas there’s not a chance of me getting up the wall…” 

“I get the logisticians losing the will to fight, but abandoning all of us and holing up in HQ… I almost can’t believe it. Almost.” Jean’s expression fell to one of defeat. 

“Come on! I know it’s desperate but the only thing we can do is fight the swarming titans! If we die there it’d be no different than us dying here because we’re stranded.” Connie said, getting looks from all three of his friends. 

“Wow, you really do have a brain every once and a while, huh? You’re right. But look how dispersed we are. Who on earth could lead a mission like that?” Connie frowned, knowing Jean had a point. 

“Look… there’s us four, we’re all in the top ten of our class! We can do it…?” Connie said, getting blank looks from Reiner and Bertholdt and Jean. 

“It was a boring life.” Jean said, laying down on his back and staring at the sky. “I guess that’s just the way it is.” 

“Reiner, Bertholdt! Say something…” Connie said, getting tense silence back in return. The pair of them checked their gas, then glanced at HQ where the rest of the gas was. Reiner’s mouth set into a hard line. 

“Bertl… if you take my gas you should be able to make it to the wall.” Reiner started taking off his gas, Connie’s mouth opening in horror. 

“No! If you take my gas you can make it.” Bertholdt insisted, the two of them meeting each other’s eyes with determined expressions on their faces. “It might’ve been boring… but I’ve had a good life. I want you to go on, Reiner.” 

“No, Bertholdt. I can’t let something happen to you.” Reiner insisted. Bertholdt started to open his mouth when a loud voice cut through the air. 

“Let’s do it, everyone! I’ll provide support in the front, we can take back HQ!” Sasha said with fake enthusiasm, everyone looking at her blankly. She tried to get Armin up to help, but he only stared blankly at her. 

“When do you want us to go on, Galliard?” Colt asked, himself and Annie landing alongside Galliard on the rooftop. Galliard frowned and crossed his arms. 

“We need to wait for them to gather a little more.” Bertholdt raised a brow. They must be strategizing on how to get up the wall without using gas. If they all gather the titans would be easier to avoid. Were they gathering at HQ? 

Reiner jumped a little in surprise at the sudden sound of feet slamming into the rooftop as Mikasa landed. She walked straight to Bertholdt. “Bertholdt. You were in the same squad as Armin and Eren. Where are they?” 

He needed a drink. Bertholdt swallowed and looked down at her. “W-well, Armin is over there…” Bertholdt pointed, Mikasa leaving without a word and running over to Armin. Reiner turned to Bertholdt and gave him a worried look. 

“Think she’s going to take it badly?” Reiner asked, Bertholdt closing his eyes and shaking his head. Reiner nodded wordlessly and looked back in the direction of HQ. If Bertholdt look his gas surely he’d be able to swap out and make it out of this hell. But he didn’t want to die. Was that selfish? But that meant living with Bertholdt in some titan’s belly. “What do we do, Bertholdt?” 

“Why don’t you two just play rock paper scissors to see who takes the gas?” Jean replied dryly. “You two will just fly around in circles on who should live if you keep it up.” Jean’s gaze drifted to Marco, who was talking to Mikasa. “…Maybe he should live, if I can’t?” 

Reiner and Bertholdt looked heavily at each other, then to their hands. Would that solve anything, really? Would it be a curse to lose and be doomed to death or to win and know the other was dead? Reiner looked at the gas on his sides, then to the gas on Bertholdt. 

“Should we…?” Bertholdt frowned and ran a hand down his face. 

“I… there’s no sense in both of us dying. But we don’t have enough for both of us. I think I’m going to be sick.” 

Both of them balled their hands and laid their palms flat, the two of them counting to three together. 

Oh, Reiner chose scissors but Bertholdt chose rock. Reiner started to undo the gas on his side, horror crossing Bertholdt’s face while he watched before they heard a loud voice cut through the air. 

“I’m so much stronger than all of you! If I have to drive them all out myself, so be it…” Mikasa raised her blade towards the sky, the rain starting to pick up again. “You’re all a bunch of cowards. But not me. If I lose I die, if I fight I might win. I’ll fight no matter what. If I don’t fight, I can’t win.” At that, Mikasa turned around and started to speed off towards HQ. 

There was stunned silence for a moment before Reiner put his gas back on, giving Bertholdt an odd expression. 

“Come on, let’s go! We can’t let one of our own fight alone!” Jean ordered, following behind Mikasa and speeding off towards HQ. 

“Reiner. We gave up.” Bertholdt shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. “We’ve never given up before. That’s why we made top ten. What’s wrong with us?” A heavy exhale, a hand making its way to Bertholdt’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know. We need out of here. This whole situation is really starting to fuck with me.” Reiner leaned up and pecked Bertholdt’s cheek. “Thinking every ten seconds that you’re going to die or that I’m going to die is stressing me out. I want to scream. Let’s just see if we can see this through and get out of here.” 

“Right. I’ll be right behind you, okay?” Reiner gave Bertholdt a confident smile. 

“Okay. You’re my squad now, then.” Bertholdt crossed his arms and took stock of the situation. “Let’s try to avoid titans so we don’t have to fight and use gas. Just focus on getting inside HQ and then we’ll figure it out.” 

“Right! Let’s go!” The two of them followed behind some of their other comrades, others following behind them. Colt and Annie and Galliard flew ahead of them, but Sasha was still behind them. Those three must have been more prudet with their gas; they didn’t seem concerned the way everyone else did. Bertholdt envied them. 

Their comrades were running out of gas. Reiner averted his eyes at the sight of poor Tom stuck on the ground. He couldn’t risk himself to save Tom and get them both killed. Instead he flew forward, the sounds of his comrades screams going to haunt his dreams for sure. But they flew forward, using the swarming of titans to downed soldiers to avoid the beasts. It was a close call, but the two of them braced themselves and flew through the glass windows of HQ, landing with a hard thud. Bertholdt gnashed his teeth when he lost his footing at the landing, feeling his face light up in pain when he fell onto the shattered glass. 

“Bertholdt!” Reiner ran over to Bertholdt, frowning and moving to shield his boyfriend as glass continued to shatter, their comrades making it to HQ. Reiner turned Bertholdt, a couple of stray tears dripping out of Bertholdt’s eyes. There was a deep gash along his right cheek going from his cheekbone down to below his mouth. Reiner quickly looked around, grabbing a bandage from a terrified logistician who had been hiding out. 

“It hurts, Reiner…” Bertholdt got out, his eyes burning from the tears involuntarily dripping out in response to the pain. Reiner pressed the sleeve of his jacket to Bertholdt’s face, the blood soaking through quickly. 

“H-here, let me…” A logistician came up with an emergency kit, Reiner gritting his teeth in anger when he was haphazardly pushed to the side. 

“Reiner! Bertholdt!” Krista yelled in concern shortly after arriving, running up to Bertholdt. “Are you okay?” 

“Well, we aren’t dead.” Reiner deadpanned, his gut twisting while Bertholdt bled. Jean was shouting at the logisticians that had barricaded themselves, but Krista just pushed away the logistician and took the emergency kit. Bertholdt wanted to smile at her, but didn’t want to move his muscles in his face. “Is he going to be okay, Krista?” 

“He should be fine. Bertl’s going to need stitches, but we aren’t really in a position to do that right now…” Krista took some bandages and alcohol from the emergency kit, a deeply troubled look on her face. “Bertl… if we get out of this I’ll fix your face, okay?” Krista put the gauze and bandages on Bertholdt’s cheek, making sure they wouldn’t accidentally come off. 

Jean had stopped yelling, turning around to see two titans staring him down through a hole in the wall. He swallowed, his eyes going wide when they were suddenly launched out of sight. 

“What the hell?!” Jean said, everyone looking towards where they had been. A loud roar sounded from outside, more windows breaking slightly when Armin, Mikasa and Connie flew through the windows. 

“Mikasa! You’re alive?!” 

“We made it! Right in the nick of time, too!” Connie said, tapping his empty gas tank. He joyfully turned to Armin and pat his back. “Your plan worked!” 

“You’re alive!” Jean said, relief in his voice. Annie had her arms crossed, approaching the three of them. 

“What plan do you have?” She asked, Colt and Galliard silent behind her. Galliard was staring out the window towards the wall, but Colt had his eye on the bandage on Bertholdt’s face. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Colt asked, Bertholdt nodding quickly and turning his attention back to Armin and Connie. 

“There’s an abnormal out there that’s killing the other titans! It has no interest in us!” Connie said excitedly, pointing out the window. Sure enough, there was a titan that was raging and killing other titans outside. “If we do it right we can use it to get out of here!” 

“Use a titan? Are you out of your mind?” Reiner asked, standing in front of Bertholdt protectively. The blood was seeping through the bandage on his face. 

“No. It’s our best chance. As long as that titan is rampaging we don’t need to worry about titans getting inside here.” Mikasa said seriously. “It’s our best bet to survive. And I have every intent on surviving.” 

Everyone gathered further inside, Armin coming up with a plan to handle the situation. Jean and Ymir gathered old Military Police supplies, namely buckshot rifles and ammo for them. Bertholdt took a rifle and loaded it, taking it into his hands. 

He hadn’t held a gun in years, since the last time he went hunting with his father. It felt comforting and empowering to hold a rifle again. Reiner smiled at Bertholdt inspecting the gun in his hands. Galliard and Colt approached Connie, who was loading a rifle next to Bertholdt. “Connie.” 

“Huh? What is it?” For once Colt was the quiet one, a serious expression set onto Galliard’s face. 

“How much do you and the other two know about that titan?” He asked, Connie cocking a brow. 

“Shouldn’t we worry about that once _we’re_ safe? I think it’s interesting too, but come on.” Colt laughed a nervous laugh and scratched behind his head. 

“That’s right, Galliard… safety first…” Annie shook her head at the two and walked away. 

The plan called for most of them to be lowered in the lift to draw the titans out, using the rifles to shoot the eyes of the titans. At that moment seven people hiding in the ceiling would kill the titans. 

“Stay safe in there, Bertholdt.” Reiner said, rubbing Bertholdt’s shoulder while he prepared to go down with the others not shooting. “You’re a great shot. Maybe you’ll shoot its weak spot and kill one!” 

“I wish I could go down there and help you out, Reiner.” Reiner shook his head. The bandage on his face had already been changed by Krista once while they got ready for Armin’s plan. Bertholdt didn’t need to be hopping around too much right now. 

“It’s okay. You are helping me. Let’s get out of here as soon as possible. I want you to get your face stitched up.” Reiner gave Bertholdt a quick peck, Galliard rolling his eyes at that while they moved to go downstairs. 

Bertholdt wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but he heard Reiner exclaim that the titans’ second weak spot was up their assholes. He chuckled to himself, getting his rifle ready and getting into the lift. Marco smiled next to him, the gun a little unsteady in his hands. They hadn’t been trained on gun use in the Cadet Corps. Guns were used by Military Police only and training was received after one was already an MP. 

The lift lowered, all of them holding their rifles steady as possible. Bertholdt watched the titan he set his sight on closely, staying focused while waiting for the order from Armin to shoot. “Wait… wait… wait… now!” 

Everyone started shooting, Bertholdt staying focused on the same one. He saw Reiner hop out of the ceiling and slash the one he shot at, the titan falling to the ground. All the titans he saw fell, but he heard some commotion from behind. 

Sasha had missed her mark, as had Connie. Luckily Mikasa and Annie intervened and prevented either of them from dying. Sasha immediately started groveling to Mikasa and crying, but Bertholdt ran past her and grabbed more gas as soon as he was out of the lift. 

“Reiner! We’re getting out of here!” Bertholdt said happily, his gas resupplied. He took more blades and put them into his scabbard for good measure, but he was far more concerned with the gas. Reiner did the same, making sure they were both fully supplied in every way. Krista and Ymir approached and got themselves ready as well. 

“Bertholdt! I’ll start tending to you as soon as we’re inside the wall!” She said, and for a moment Bertholdt and Reiner were sure that they were in the presence of an actual angel. Ymir shook her head and put her elbow on Krista’s shoulder. 

“Hey hey, you’re not thinking about yourself. You need a break too.” Ymir said, Reiner nodding in agreement. 

“Let’s worry about everything once we’re inside. Apparently that abnormal is still outside, so we have a clear path.” Reiner, Bertholdt, Ymir and Krista all ran up the stairs back to where they came in, all of them looking out the window. Reiner grimaced at the sight of the abnormal being cannibalized. He hadn’t heard of that before? 

That didn’t matter. The four of them quickly took advantage of the opening and quickly flew up the side of Wall Rose, retreating as quickly as possible. As soon as they were on the ground and safe they were escorted away from the immediate vicinity of the wall. 

“Bertholdt…” Reiner shivered, pulling Bertholdt in for a tight hug. Bertholdt hugged him back, feeling Reiner shivering against him. “We made it, we’re alive, you’re alive, it’s okay…” 

“I know, Reiner. I know.” Bertholdt squeezed Reiner and rolled his eyes when Ymir made a smartass joke. 

  


Bertholdt winced in pain as Krista tended to him, her taking care to stitch up his face after cleaning his wound and making sure he was going to be okay. Reiner and Ymir were idly chatting about nothing in particular. 

“I knew the moment I met you, you didn’t seem like the kind of guy who was interested in women. Didn’t even need to see you oogling that one over there to know.” Reiner let out an amused grunt at that. 

“Yeah… and you don’t seem like the kind of girl who’s interested in guys, even without that one around.” A laugh from Ymir. The two of them were staring at Wall Rose, the rain having stopped by now. The sun was shining, though it was getting low in the sky. 

“There… all done. It’s going to scar, but at least it shouldn’t get infected. I’m sorry I can’t do more for the pain, Bertl.” Krista repacked the emergency kit she took from HQ and set it off to the side. They had all been ordered to remain in squad formation. 

“So everyone we trained with that isn’t here right now is gone, huh?” Reiner said, crossing his arms and looking around. Their numbers were heavily thinned, that was for sure. He shook his head a little and thought back to graduation just a couple of days ago. 

“Yeah. …I guess I’m glad I’m still alive, though. No use damning my own life.” Ymir said, glancing at Jean. He was pacing nervously. “Oi! Jean! Did something happen to Mikasa and crybaby? Where are they?” 

Jean met her eyes and looked at the ground. “I’m under a gag order. I can’t talk about it. I’m sure it’ll all get out soon enough, though.” 

Galliard, Annie and Colt all sat, looking distressed like Jean. Galliard and Colt looked especially troubled. What was it that happened? 

Oh, Daz and Sasha just vomited while Marco tried keeping them calm. Bertholdt wanted to smile but couldn’t. 

Suddenly a cannon fired, jarring Bertholdt and making him jump in surprise. Reiner looked in the direction of the cannon fire, his eyes wide. Ymir did the same, her mouth hanging open just a little. 

“Cannon fire? There aren’t any titans this side of the wall…” Krista thought aloud, Bertholdt looking down at her. 

“I don’t know, Krista. Let’s just try to keep calm for now.” Bertholdt stood and went to sit next to Reiner. Reiner smiled when Bertholdt leaned his head onto his shoulder. He put an arm around Bertholdt’s shoulders, content to just have him by his side. Ymir held Krista, Krista’s eyes full of concern. “Reiner. Do you think this is almost over?” 

“I don’t know. I think we’ve lost Trost. The armored titan hasn’t come back yet. I’m scared shitless if you want me to be honest.” Bertholdt hummed. 

For some reason Galliard shot his anchor and sped onto a rooftop, followed quickly by Annie and Colt and Jean. Bertholdt closed his eyes. Truthfully he was curious about what was going on too. But more than anything he just wanted to take this moment to rest on Reiner’s shoulder. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I go on vacation at the end of the month, so I'm hoping to get more written then. Thanks for reading! <3


	9. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt couldn’t help but wonder how many of his comrades in arms were inside the titans below. He bit his lip; it’d be best not to think about something like that now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was combing through old manga chapters and there was very little information on what most soldiers were actually doing when Eren moved the boulder, but a diagram in the manga suggested groups of soldiers gathered to draw titans away inside Trost. I tried to work with that... ^^;

Bertholdt sighed and closed his eyes while he stood next to Reiner in the formation. No sooner than he started to relax while Reiner held him, they had been ordered into squad formation with no further directives. His feet hurt, his head was pounding, and his face hurt so much where Krista had stitched up the large gash. Reiner looked absolutely exhausted next to him, and Bertholdt was sure he must look the same. 

There was a lot of chatter and fidgeting among the soldiers; a far cry from the previous times they’d been in formation where stepping out of line would have resulted in severe discipline and humiliation. Even their superiors seemed to not care, though Captain Woermann still stood far ahead of them before the formation. With all the fidgeting and talking and shuffling, Bertholdt saw no harm in reaching a hand over and grasping one of Reiner’s. 

A comforting squeeze. Bertholdt smiled ever-so-slightly and looked over. Reiner’s eyes were sunken, and he was clearly a nervous wreck. His hair had been messed up where over and over again he had run his hands through it. They all had their own coping mechanisms; Bertholdt had bitten his fingernails down to the nubs since the day had started. 

“What do you think they’re going to do, Reiner?” Reiner shook his head and squeezed Bertholdt’s hand again. More for himself, really. He was just desperate to feel the comfort of Bertholdt’s hand in his own. It was almost impossible to hear anything due to the chatter of the few remaining soldiers. 

“I don’t know, Bertl… what _can_ we do? We lost so many soldiers, we can only make use of those of us left…” The trainees had been decimated, but so had the long-established Garrison that had been stationed within Trost. There weren’t too many Military Police in Trost, since most lived within the interior. But even the scant MPs that lived here had been nearly wiped out. 

A roar of chatter started from the front and made its way back down the rows of soldiers. Eventually, the news that they were going to be going back into Trost in order to reclaim the city made its way back to them. Bertholdt frowned, then looked around at the panicking soldiers he stood among. 

“If we go back in there we’ll die! How do they expect us to kill the titans with less soldiers than we started with?!” A female soldier said behind them, her grabbing her hair and shaking her head. “I thought it was done, we could just defend Wall Rose and write off Trost…” 

“We don’t even have the technology to seal up the hole! The titans will just keep coming in until we’re all dead!” A male soldier to Reiner’s right shouted. Reiner felt Bertholdt start to squeeze uncomfortably tight, but he didn’t want to pull away. If Bertholdt needed him, he would be there for him. Simple as that. 

“They’re right, Reiner, we can’t seal up the hole.” Bertholdt shook his head and clutched at his hair. This was too much, _all of this_ was all too much. When he and Reiner joined the military three years ago, it was to secure a position in the Military Police and live comfortably on a farm! That was all they wanted! Even this morning that was the plan! They weren’t supposed to die now! 

“No! I can’t go back there and die! I won’t! I want to see my parents and my sister!” Daz started shouting frantically, drawing the attention of all the soldiers around him. A superior officer from the Garrison overheard his outburst and approached quickly, a look of anger on his face. 

“What was that, boy? You think you can abandon your duty like this?!” The superior shouted at Daz. Unlike all the times they’d seen him shrink away from authority at the slightest raised voice during the last three years, for once Daz stood firm and held his ground. “You know, I could execute you for treason right now!” 

“Go ahead and kill me, then!” Daz half-shouted, half-sobbed. He drew his own blade, and Bertholdt couldn’t help but draw in a sharp breath. He was surprised when the superior officer simply walked away; Daz’s life was spared by the circumstances, because any other time drawing a weapon like that would’ve left Daz a pile of mincemeat on the ground. 

Bertholdt glanced to his side at Jean. Marco was by Daz trying to calm him down, but Jean simply had a stony expression on his face while he blankly stared at the top of the wall. To see Jean look so defeated was… odd. But then again, Reiner looked beat down too. And Krista, and Ymir… and Sasha and Connie… 

They all really were getting ready to go straight back into the pits of Hell, weren’t they? The alternative was execution for desertion, and the officer just proved he was willing to do it. 

“Do you think anyone is going to defect?” 

“If they do, maybe they can choose how they die…” 

“I want to just see my mama one more time!” 

“I was supposed to be a Garrison leader like my dad! And his mom!” 

The murmurs around them almost made Bertholdt want to grab Reiner’s hand and run away. He wasn’t sure how far they would get, but maybe they could share a few moments together before ending their lives in a much less horrific way. 

Except… Reiner had too much of a sense of duty to do that. And he did, too. He couldn’t abandon his comrades. The ones who stayed needed him. And he needed them. 

Reiner started to turn to Bertholdt to say something about the commotion, but before he had the chance both were startled by the sound of a booming voice calling them all to attention. They turned and saw a man standing on top of the wall looking down at them, with Eren standing by his side. 

“Eren…? But… I saw him die…?” Bertholdt mumbled to himself, and he felt a chill go up and down his spine. Eren had two arms, but when he rescued Armin from that titan he _knew_ that titan bit down and took off one of Eren’s arms. And despite getting eaten, he seemed to not be exhausted at all? 

This whole damn day was too much… 

“I will now explain our strategy to recapture Trost! We will be plugging the whole in the gate created by the colossus titan!” There were tons of hushed murmurs wondering about the logistics of undertaking such a task. The corps of engineers didn’t have the resources to plug the hole, and even if they did they couldn’t do anything with so many titans roaming around! “We have a method of plugging the hole, but first I would like to introduce Eren Jaeger of the Training Corps!” 

“E-Eren?!” Reiner gasped, his mouth hanging open. He looked to Bertholdt, then his other friends in the crowd and noticed they seemed just as shocked as he was. Reiner glanced to Bertholdt. “I thought you said he died?!” 

“He did! I watched him get eaten!” Bertholdt whisper-yelled at Reiner. Reiner swallowed and stared at the top of the gate while their friends murmured. 

“We in the military have been conducting top-secret experiments on titan transformation, and Eren Jaeger is our first success!” Bertholdt couldn’t help but frown and think. When would they have been experimenting on Eren? He’d been with all of them for the past three years in training. Could it have been on their rare off days? But if he were being experimented on, wouldn’t Eren have had some noticeable behavior differences? “He can assume the body of a titan! Moreso, he can control it and retain his intellect!” 

The commander, Commander Pyxis, further elaborated that Eren’s supposed titan was going to pick up a massive boulder to plug up the hole. They were supposed to protect Eren’s titan from all the mindless titans roaming inside the walls. But no sooner than the plan had been announced, soldiers began grumbling and doubting the plan set forth by the commander. 

“Do you think it’s really possible?! Of course not! I’m leaving, I have to see my sister again before humanity is wiped out!” Daz cried, him turning and walking away in spite of the threats from the panicking superior that deserters would be killed. Maybe it was the other soldiers trying to desert as well that kept an execution from taking place on the spot? 

“Deserters will not be executed! If you cannot face the titans, your place is not here!” The commander shouted, much to the surprise of Captain Woermann and the elite officers trying to control the frazzled crowd. “If you want your siblings, parents, spouses, and loved ones to die as well, leave!” At that, many of the soldiers stopped walking. Even Bertholdt couldn’t shake the mental image of Reiner being gobbled up by a titan and forgotten. 

He couldn’t walk away knowing that was the fate his beloved would face if they left. 

Pyxis started openly admitting that the citizens sent to reclaim Wall Maria were but human sacrifices to stop war within the walls, and Bertholdt noticed a tear slide down Reiner’s cheek. A tiny murmured “mama” was lost in the commotion, and Bertholdt knew that even though Karina had been gone for four years, it terribly hurt Reiner to hear his mother spoken of as a sacrifice. 

Reiner sniffled and remembered the last time he saw his mother. The feeling of her wrapping her scarf around his head. Kissing his cheek in a final goodbye. Watching her and his uncle disappear into a mass of faces never to be seen again. Doomed to be forgotten by all but him and Bertholdt. She didn’t deserve such a cruel fate. Nobody did. 

Soon enough, all of them were sectioned off into squads to reenter Trost. Or makeshift squads, at least. Their only goal was to keep Eren safe and thin out the number of titans within the overrun city. Bertholdt clung to Reiner for a moment just to feel his reassuring grip. It wasn’t safe to go it alone, so they paired off with Christa, Ymir and Connie. 

Annie, Porco and Colt seemed to quickly bunch together and made their leave, with Jean, Marco and Sasha following behind them. 

It was a mess, all things considered. The makeshift squads quickly fell apart due to lack of direction and leadership. Annie seemed to break away from Porco and Colt, while Marco stayed behind them. Connie drifted away into a group with Sasha and Jean, while Ymir and Christa stayed with Bertholdt and Reiner. Bertholdt couldn’t help but feel worry for Annie going off by herself, but that was her own choice. 

“Ymir! Watch out!” Reiner shouted when an abnormal seemed to notice her. Christa heard Reiner’s warning and made haste, slicing the titan but barely missing the nape. He zoomed in quickly after her and killed the titan, all four of them eventually shooting an anchor into the wall and dangling close to one another. “Shit…” 

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be engaging the titans… didn’t the commander say that we just had to keep Eren’s titan safe? How will we know where he is?” As if to answer Christa’s question, a loud crack of thunder boomed through the air and all four of them watched lightning come down towards the middle of Trost. “Is that him?” 

“It’s gotta be. What else would make a show like that?” Ymir observed. The three of them watched a massive gush of steam rise through the air, then heard a roar in the distance. “This better work. I’m not here for pipe dreams.” 

“I’m sure it’ll work, Ymir! It has to!” Ymir glanced at Christa and wanted to roll her eyes at the optimism that maybe didn’t quite fit with the atmosphere. Oh well, that was her Christa. Ever the optimist. One day she’d have to marry her. 

“Killing titans over here won’t do anything to protect him. They wouldn’t even know he was over there. We need to move closer to his titan so that we can kill the ones that are a threat to him.” Reiner said, earning a glance from Bertholdt. 

“But if we go to Eren’s location, won’t we just lure the titans over here into going to him? That would make the situation much more dangerous than it already is.” Protecting Eren seemed like a simple enough order. They haven’t been ordered to _kill_ at all. Just to protect. 

“I’m going with your twig of a boyfriend, Reiner. I’d rather stay here and avoid them. Besides, they have the more elite Garrison soldiers closer to Eren anyways.” Ah. He was outnumbered. Christa certainly wasn’t the type to advocate dangerous missions. And after the day’s losses, Reiner supposed they were right. They would let the advanced soldiers deal with the titans closer to Eren. He seemed pretty far away, anyways. 

And there were plenty of squads to lure away the titans. They were just one piece in the grand scheme of things. Porco, Colt, Marco, Jean, Sasha, Daz, Connie, Samuel, Annie… plus all the other trainees and Garrison soldiers! They were doing their part luring their own group of titans. 

“If this cluster gets to be too much, we’ll need to kill a few of them.” Bertholdt nodded at Reiner’s order and watched. They hung from the side of the wall and stared down. It was like staring into the gates of hell, watching the titans open their massive mouths and reach for them. 

Bertholdt couldn’t help but wonder how many of his comrades in arms were inside the titans below. He bit his lip; it’d be best not to think about something like that now. 

“What if the mission is a failure? Will all of these lives have been wasted?” Christa asked. She could see Colt and Porco scale the wall about fifty meters closer to the front of Trost. A small group of titans followed after them. Oh, it looked like Annie had joined them? No sign of Marco, but in the chaos he had probably joined up with Sasha and Jean. 

“If the mission is a failure, we’ll have lost Trost. The best we could do is fall back behind Wall Rose and prepare for an attack from the armored titan. It hasn’t shown up today, so maybe it won’t.” Reiner chewed his lip. 

A reappearance of the armored titan had been on everyone’s minds, but truthfully the anticipation was the worst part. When was it finally going to happen? _Was_ it going to happen? When Shinganshina fell, supposedly the armored titan destroyed the gate to Wall Maria almost immediately after the colossus titan destroyed the gate to Shinganshina. 

“Maybe the bastard won’t reappear. I hope not, this whole situation has me more wound up than I need to be.” Ymir dangled and rubbed at her temple with her free hand. “If Eren is supposed to be this secret weapon, why didn’t they use him from the start? We could’ve taken care of this before titans overran Trost!” 

“I don’t know, Ymir…” Bertholdt clutched tightly at his blade when an eerie growl came from the 15-meter titan that was reaching for him in vain. “I _know_ I saw Eren get eaten. I _know_ I saw him lose his arm. There’s _something_ they aren’t telling us.” 

“Damn bastards. Asking us to risk our lives and not even giving us the full story behind our operation.” Reiner agreed with Ymir. If they were going to die, they at least deserved the truth! What if this was all some sort of pipe dream by the commanders for a chance to save face? 

It felt like an eternity they hung there. “I wonder if everything is okay?” Christa wondered out loud. They could see clusters of titans all along the wall at various points reaching up for the positioned soldiers. Even further off, they could see soldiers flying with their ODM gear. 

“Well, we haven’t seen a black smoke signal. So it hasn’t been declared a failure yet.” Bertholdt closed his eyes. His arms, no, his entire body was starting to ache. The physical strain of their ODM gear on the body couldn’t be overstated. “I wonder how long it would take to move that boulder? It wasn’t too far away from the gate, but I can only imagine how heavy it must be.” 

“In any case, Eren is still alive. You’re right, there hasn’t been a black signal.” The longer they dangled, the fewer soldiers they saw buzzing about towards the front of Trost. Hell, they couldn’t actually see the front of the city anyways. Either the soldiers were dead or they were just out of sight. 

Regardless, at least the titans they were distracting weren’t giving chase to the front of Trost. 

Suddenly, a green smoke signal. As if acting totally on instinct, soldiers from all positions on the wall started to fly towards the top to safety. Reiner made it up first, then Christa. Ymir and Bertholdt followed not far behind. No soldier dared to move, however, all of their gazes fixed in the direction of the gate. 

“Is it safe? Did they plug it?” Bertholdt asked, running up behind Reiner. Reiner furrowed his brow. 

“I think so? They would use black instead of green if it failed.” Reiner said. Both of them noticed a body running towards them; Daz barrelled past them towards the back of the wall. 

“It’s over! I’m going back inside! I have to!” As he ran, soldiers seemed to follow Daz back in the direction of safety. The four of them composed themselves and started moving back to safety. Would it be faster to use their ODM gear than to walk along the top of the wall? Certainly. But their bodies had been pushed to the absolute limit; walking was easier and helped their heart rates lower. 

“What are we going to do now, Reiner…?” Bertholdt mumbled. He felt bad asking Reiner so many questions that, deep down, he knew Reiner didn’t know the answer to. 

“I don’t know, but god… I just want to sleep. I can’t do this anymore. If I do I’ll collapse, I know I will...” They made their way back behind the wall where, much to their relief, they were all being ordered back to their living quarters. The Survey Corps had arrived early from their expedition and would take care of anything that couldn’t wait until morning. Trost would be sealed off until all titans were eliminated and the evacuees could return home. 

The silence when Bertholdt and Reiner got back to their room was tense. There had been eight of them living here. Them, plus Ludwig, Felix, Lukas, Daniel, Thomas, and Milleus. Only they returned. Reiner couldn’t help but just observe all the property belonging to giddy soldiers that they’d woken up with that morning. Thomas had a half-written letter home to his father. Lukas had a bracelet sitting on the table that his girlfriend had supposedly given to him. A half-finished game of chess between Reiner and Milleus sat on the table. 

Bertholdt scooted his bed so that it was flush to Reiner’s. Yes, there was a gap between the two twin-sized beds that meant they couldn’t actually hold one another while they slept. But just being closer to one another was what they both needed, now more than ever. They both wordlessly stripped off their uniforms and changed into their sleeping clothes, then crawled into bed. 

“Bertholdt…” Reiner mumbled. His voice was unbelievably quiet, especially considering they, for once, had total privacy. Bertholdt hummed and scooted closer to Reiner. Reiner rested his forehead against Bertholdt’s and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Bertholdt…” 

“For what, Reiner…?” He could see the tear prickling at the corners of Reiner’s eyes, and exhausted as he was, Bertholdt reached forward and wiped them away. Reiner sniffled and shook his head. 

“For dragging you into all of this. It was my idea to join the military… if I’d have known all of this was going to happen, all of this was going to happen to you, I would’ve just said we should live our lives on that old noble’s farm. It was hard, but we were well-provided.” Reiner choked out a sob and leaned his head when Bertholdt rested a hand on it. Reiner’s eyes cracked open when he heard Bertholdt let out a pained whine. 

“It’s okay, Reiner… you didn’t force me into this.” Bertholdt nuzzled into Reiner and found himself close to falling asleep in spite of his tears. “It’s not your fault. You’re the reason I’m alive now. Let’s just get some sleep. We… we fought and we get to live another day.” 

“Yes, another day. I love you, Bertholdt.” 

“I love you too, Reiner.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the very long wait for this chapter! I've been caught up with other stuff... but writing this chapter re-energized me! I've struggled because I don't like Trost...  
I'll try to get another chapter up by the end of the month!!


	10. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if they were a bit late to the mess hall in the morning, Bertholdt would let Reiner get five extra minutes in the morning if he needed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter was hard because there are so few details about the cleanup, and the pyre was a very short scene.  
I hope you like it!

Waking up was absolutely miserable. Bertholdt found himself gently woken up by Reiner, but his head was still hurting. It was all a fog, him unable to focus on much of anything. It wasn’t too bright, so Reiner must’ve woken him up extra early. Typically, when Reiner shook him awake it was less delicately and his eyes were fried by the sun as soon as they were open. Oh, their beds were pushed together… 

Bertholdt groaned and sat up, then wiped at his face. He was definitely waking up, but in spite of that he didn’t feel like he’d rested at all. He was never a morning person, but it was harder than usual scraping himself up today. He felt Reiner’s fingers delicately run through his hair. 

“Hey, Bertl… go ahead and get up for me. I know it’s early.” Bertholdt grunted. Reiner waking him up before he _needed_ to be up always frustrated him. The days when he was allowed to sleep in were the best. He just wanted to melt into his bed, go back to dreaming about him and Reiner riding on the back of an oversized cow. Named Raspberry, like Reiner wanted. With raspberry-colored fur, which wasn’t actually possible. “Come on, Bertholdt. I got your uniform ready in the chair by your bed for you.” 

“Don’t wanna get up… five more minutes…” Bertholdt was surprised by Reiner’s hum, then the mumbled ‘okay.’ If he weren’t unfortunately awake, he’d have thought he were still dreaming because Reiner _never_ let him get five more minutes despite him asking almost every day for the past three years. A delicate kiss landed on his temple, and Bertholdt smiled into the covers he’d pulled up over his nose. 

He found the strength to get up before Reiner came back from using the restroom. Oh, six empty beds… the events of yesterday started coming back to mind, and Bertholdt felt his stomach drop. All six of his and Reiner’s bunkmates were killed yesterday. Most of their stuff was still undisturbed from yesterday morning. When he glanced to the side, his uniform was neatly put on the chair by his bed. All six of the other beds were made. 

“Oh, you’re awake. I thought you were going to fall back asleep.” Reiner was already in his uniform, Bertholdt noticed. “Sorry I got you up early. I couldn’t sleep well. I just thought maybe you and I could get some food early before we have to get started with the day.” Bertholdt saw Reiner absentmindedly walk over to Thomas’s bunk and start to gather his things, delicately placing them into a small box. 

“What are you doing?” Reiner glanced back at Bertholdt and shook his head. Bertholdt stood and stretched out muscles that begged for more rest. He stripped off his clothes and put on clean undershorts, then reached for his shirt. 

“I wanted to pack up their stuff. If we don’t, soldiers that never knew them will just throw it all in a box and will probably get rid of anything that can’t be donated.” Reiner looked at Thomas’s diary and flipped it open. …Oh? He had a crush on Mina? Reiner closed the diary back. Thomas deserved privacy, even in death. He’d figure out what to do with it. “I don’t know what to do with it. But I wanted to think about it.” 

“Is that what you’ve been doing since you couldn’t sleep?” Bertholdt finished putting on his uniform, then walked up behind Reiner. Reiner turned around and put his head on his chest, as though listening for Bertholdt’s heartbeat. Confirmation that he was still alive. Reiner nodded and closed his eyes, letting himself listen to the rhythmic beats of Bertholdt’s heart. It was oddly soothing. 

“Yeah. I tried to go back to sleep. Then I watched you sleep for a little while.” Reiner chuckled a tired laugh when he pulled away, and Bertholdt saw the dark circles under Reiner’s eyes. “You looked like you were having a good dream, so I left you alone. What were you dreaming about?” 

“U-uh… you won’t make fun of me?” Reiner shook his head and put the box on the table. He’d already put away the game of chess he and Milleus would never finish. “Well, you and I were riding on a giant cow and it was raspberry-colored… I don’t know where we were going but it was sunny and warm, and we were just wearing our regular clothes.” 

Reiner laughed in a way that made Bertholdt’s heart skip a beat. Reiner turned around and for a moment, the weight on Reiner’s mind seemed to disappear. Bertholdt smiled a tiny smile and followed Reiner out of the room. “Oh, Bertholdt… that sounds nice. I don’t know where we would get a giant cow, or a red one, let alone a giant red one. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” It had seemed dark out the windows, but Bertholdt knew for sure that Reiner got him up early whenever they went outside and it was still dark. Off in the distance beyond the walls, surely the sun was peeping up over the horizon; they could see that the clouds to the east had a small smattering of color. “It’s too early to go to the mess hall, isn’t it?” 

“I think so. We can just go sit outside and wait for it to open up. I don’t mind.” The two of them walked in silence. The realities of their situation were creeping into their minds. They were only acutely aware of the deaths in their own room, because they saw the missing bunks. How many faces would they slowly notice missing? _Who_ would be missing in the end? 

“What’re you doing up so early?” Reiner asked when he and Bertholdt made their way to the mess hall. Porco was leaning against the outside wall to the mess hall with his arms crossed. He cocked a brow and glanced up at the two of them approaching, but then looked back down at the ground. 

“Couldn’t sleep. I just tossed and turned all night.” Porco closed his eyes and Reiner took notice of the dark circles. As aloof as Porco could be, Reiner could tell the events of yesterday were weighing heavily on him. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing anymore.” 

“I understand. Everything seemed so clear yesterday morning.” Porco grunted at Bertholdt’s words. 

“I thought I knew. Yesterday I thought I’d understood everything going on.” Porco leaned his head back against the wall and kept his eyes closed. “Experiments on titan transformation? How stupid does the brass think we are? Eren is the last person they would’ve trusted with such an important goal in mind.” 

“…I can’t say I disagree, Porco. As much as I like the kid, Eren is too headstrong and doesn’t think things through. Trusting such an important power to a person like him just seems like a mistake.” Reiner shook his head and crossed his arms. “The commanders are lying to us. I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.” 

Porco opened his eyes and gave Reiner a completely unreadable look, but he quickly closed his eyes again and let out a laugh. “You’ve never known what’s really going on, Reiner. Just go be the perfect obedient soldier like you always wanted to. I think some higher ups have boots that need licking.” At that, Porco turned on his heel and walked away. 

“What was that?” Reiner asked, anger rising into his voice. He started to walk after Porco, but Bertholdt grabbed his arm and stopped him. Reiner turned his head around and looked at Bertholdt, then grit his teeth. “The hell was that? Porco can be an asshole sometimes but _damn._ He almost gave Annie a run for her money there.” 

“I think he’s just coping with yesterday in his own way, Reiner… we’re all having a hard time. You haven’t held his snide comments against him these past three years, don’t start now.” Bertholdt squatted and rested his arms on his knees. Reiner chose to lean against the wall in the spot Porco had been in. A silence settled over them while they waited for the mess hall to open. The clouds to the east became brighter as the sun rose. “Reiner?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Uh. Do you think maybe our rations might be bigger because there aren’t as many soldiers to feed?” Was it an inappropriate question? Maybe. And it made him feel awful to ask it. But still… after all that happened yesterday, Bertholdt wanted to feel a full belly for the first time in a while. “I mean… all the food is still there…” 

“Maybe. Let’s see as soon as we can.” After a few minutes, other early bird soldiers started making their way to the mess hall. Reiner would be a regular with the soldiers who were up early every day, but he always let Bertholdt sleep as late as he could and went with him. Bertholdt’s eyes seemed to flutter shut a couple of times while they waited for the mess hall to open. “I thought Marco always came to eat early? I wonder where he’s at?” 

“Hmm. I don’t know.” It was a little grim to think about, so they didn’t think when larger-than-usual servings of food were given to them when the mess hall opened. They both got two bread rolls instead of one, and their bowls of porridge nearly overflowed from being full. The extra food didn’t need to be rationed out to the evacuees, because Trost didn’t fall. How fortunate, all things considered. 

The Survey Corps took care of the titan problem last night. Titans are somehow only fueled by the sun, so the elite of the elite soldiers led by a Section Commander Hange and a Captain Levi killed titan after titan into the night. Not having to kill titans again today was a welcome blessing for them both. 

He didn’t tell Bertholdt, but while he was asleep last night Reiner could only dream about his mother and uncle being eaten by titans outside the wall. Hearing Pyxis confirm their status as a human sacrifice made him feel so much rage that he almost couldn’t think straight. When he awoke with a start, his pillow was wet with tears. 

Best to let just Bertholdt dream about Raspberry the cow. 

They ate together, but the mess hall was silent for the most part even when more soldiers started filing in. Everyone was exhausted and demoralized. Lots of people were clearly lonely that their friends didn’t join them in eating. 

Eren’s absence didn’t go unnoticed, but nobody said anything. Best not to rock the boat, so to speak. 

  


“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Reiner glanced over his shoulder at Annie. She’d never been one to express herself much, at least not that he’d seen in the three years he’d known her. But that look she had on her face while she helped with the cleanup of Trost, Reiner couldn’t help but go to her and put a hand on her shoulder. 

“It isn’t your fault, Annie. You don’t need to apologize to them.” For some reason, Reiner felt her jerk her shoulder away, but then she wiped at her eyes and went to a body she was unfamiliar with. Reiner glanced down and saw the upper half of that one girl’s body. Mina Carolina. Vomited up by a titan, it would appear. 

That’s right… Mina was always bubbly and sometimes convinced Annie to loosen up from time to time. Annie sometimes even smiled around her. No wonder Annie was reacting like she was. 

It was almost as horrendous as facing the titans, just in a different way. Yesterday was pure, unbridled adrenaline while everyone scrambled around trying not to die. Damning everyone except themselves, and the ones they cared about the most. Hell, Reiner couldn’t even pretend that he wasn’t guilty of that. 

He’d seen a comrade get swallowed whole and was glad it wasn’t him. He certainly felt guilty about that now that they were scraping bodies out of the streets, but in the moments where death was a second away he couldn’t have been bothered. 

“Oh… oh, god…” Reiner felt a chill go up his spine at Christa’s tiny voice. “What is this?” The pile of bodies were stuck together with some sort of viscous fluid, almost in a ball shape. Reiner walked up behind Christa and looked at the ball of bodies with her. Nobody he could recognize. There were some disembodied limbs mixed in with horrified faces frozen in time. 

“Remember in class when they said titans don’t have digestive tracts?” Christa nodded and looked up at Reiner, a sad expression on her face. “There isn’t anywhere for the bodies to go, so the titans just throw them back up a few hours after eating. The bodies got stuck together in the titan’s insides.” Christa shook her head like she didn’t want to believe what he was telling her in spite of the reality right in front of them. 

“It’s so terrible, Reiner. All their dreams are gone. What about their families? And friends?” Reiner put his arm around Christa’s shoulder and let her lean on him. Yes, they knew Ymir and Bertholdt were safe. Assigned to clean up in the market district of Trost, while he and Christa were assigned to a residential area towards the back. 

The bodies were heavily condensed around the back of Trost because the titans migrated there as the day wore on; it made sense. Reiner and Christa started to help load the bodies onto one of the carts they had been provided. They had been keeping a log with names of people they were able to identify, to turn in later. 

The bodies would be cremated to prevent decay and disease from causing death more widespread than the titans had. The cart full of bodies was taken away shortly after they’d filled it up, and not much longer after that they had a fresh cart to fill up with corpses. 

Even after going at it all day long, they still had tons of work to do. 

Reiner reunited with Bertholdt in the mess hall for dinner. Still with larger-than-usual portions. Part of him wanted to be sick, and didn’t want to eat any of the food at all. But his body was screaming for _something_ to sustain it and so in spite of himself he ate all the bread and soup he was given. 

He and Bertholdt stripped off their uniforms the second they were in their shared room and huddled together under blankets meant for only one person. The tiny gap between their beds was annoying, but still they came together. 

The past two days had been absolute living hell and it was miserable. Bertholdt wrapped his arms around Reiner and let Reiner bury his face into his neck. He closed his eyes and put his nose into the mess of blonde hair underneath him. 

Reiner chewed his lower lip and felt guilt bubbling within his belly. “I’m sorry, Bertholdt…” Reiner mumbled into Bertholdt’s shoulder, Bertholdt feeling him move his head after a brief moment of silence. Reiner looked up at him, his eyes watery. “I’m so sorry.” 

“For what? I haven’t even seen you all day.” Bertholdt’s own voice was barely above a whisper. He was just so exhausted; it was taking everything he had not to fall asleep. Reiner breathed in deeply and sighed into Bertholdt’s shoulder. 

“For getting you involved in all of this. Look at this mess we’re in. Even Annie was shaken up, walking around apologizing to corpses.” Reiner clutched tightly at the fabric of Bertholdt’s shirt, shaking his head and sniffling. “Tomorrow we get to scrape up more of our friend’s bodies. And I feel… like we should’ve just worked the fields and avoided all of this. I can’t even say it’d have been hard. _This_ is hard. We had a good arrangement with that noble we worked for.” 

It _was_ a nice arrangement that they had with that old noble. Bertholdt would’ve been lying if he said he hadn’t been second-guessing their choice the entire time he spent cleaning up bodies. Even Colt had seemed rattled. 

“Don’t apologize to me. I just want to stay with you. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but as long as you're with me I'll be okay. …I’m scared, Reiner.” 

“I’m scared too. I don’t want to clean up more bodies tomorrow. But it’s our duty as soldiers and I can’t turn my back on all our friends now.” Bertholdt hummed, feeling Reiner squeeze the trunk of his body and nuzzle closer to him. “They deserve better than that.” A pause, Reiner fidgeting with the front of Bertholdt’s shirt. “Bertholdt?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I dreamed about them last night. Those MP’s we saw back in Trost.” 

“The man and his wife we found?” Bertholdt thought back to the sight. Truth be told, he hadn’t thought about them since they left the pair behind. There were too many other things to focus on. That Reiner remembered them was a surprise. 

“I dreamed about them, except it was me and you instead. They did what we’re doing. They did it a long time ago even before Wall Maria fell. I feel like there’s no escape.” Reiner looked seriously at Bertholdt. “Do you think this is the end? Of humanity? Do you think the armored titan and colossal titan will come back again to finish us all off?” 

“I don’t know.” Bertholdt admitted, closing his eyes and his stomach twisting. It was scary. The extinction of humans. Hardly a thought he wanted to dwell on. He squeezed Reiner’s body, closing his eyes in dread at the thought of him and Reiner meeting terrible ends because the titans were going to win. “If it is, just… stay with me until the end. Please.” 

“Yeah. I will. I promise.” Bertholdt kept his eyes closed, feeling Reiner’s body starting to rumble. He leaned back, causing Reiner to look up at him; Bertholdt noticed Reiner’s lip trembling. 

Reiner was always the strong one. That he was going to break… 

Bertholdt raised his brows in concern, feeling his own eyes starting to burn at the sheer amount of stress he was under. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want you to die. What are we going to do, Bertl?” 

“I don’t know. When those titans ate Thomas and Mina and Eren, I was just glad it wasn’t me. But then after it was all over I just… I don’t know. I can’t think about them right now. I just can’t.” Bertholdt practically squeezed Reiner against him, shaking his head. “Please stay with me. I thought Armin was weak needing support from Eren… but I need you.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Reiner breathed deeply and felt his cheeks getting wet. “I promise.” It was cathartic, letting himself cry after two days of trying to be strong. He had to be strong. He had to be there for his friends. He had to fulfill his duty as a responsible soldier, helping to protect innocent civilians. If he'd never joined the military, maybe he wouldn't feel such a sense of duty. But that was neither here nor there. 

But… it was hard. And he wanted to cry. So Reiner let himself choke out sobs into Bertholdt’s chest. After a few moments, Reiner felt a familiar nose bury itself into his hair followed by one hand cradling his head while the other rubbed circles into his back. 

“Sshh, Reiner… relax. It’s okay. It’s just you and me right now. I’m here for you.” Reiner nodded and let Bertholdt comfort him. 

Not even a few moments later, Bertholdt noticed Reiner’s breathing had completely evened out. He pulled back and saw that Reiner’s eyes had fluttered shut, and he was fast asleep. He truly was exhausted and at his limit. 

Even if they were a bit late to the mess hall in the morning, Bertholdt would let Reiner get five extra minutes in the morning if he needed it. 

  


Despite the fact that they were on the third day of cleanup, there were people that Bertholdt knew were still alive that he had yet to see. Ever since the hole in Trost’s gate was closed, he hadn’t seen Armin, Mikasa or Eren. He hadn’t seen Marco or Jean or Sasha, either. He’d been assigned to work with Ymir, Connie and Colt while Reiner had mostly been cleaning with Annie, Christa and Porco. 

“Hardly anyone has seen their friends even after everything ended. I only eat with Reiner and sleep with him. Besides that, I haven’t seen him.” Bertholdt said while cleaning with Connie. Maybe it was a bit macabre, but after two full days of cleaning up dead bodies he just got used to it. Sure, it was a bit jarring when they found the body of an old friend, but… how many old friends had they found? It was all blending together. 

“I know! I’ve only seen Sasha once, in the mess hall. Everyone is staying in their rooms. I can’t say I haven’t either, though.” Connie grunted and loaded up the body into the cart. He wasn’t sure who it was. He had a Garrison uniform on. Middle-aged, from the looks of it. Did he have a family? 

“This should be the last full day of cleanups where all of the Training Corps are being utilized to retrieve bodies. Captain Woermann said that tomorrow, we will start cremating all of the corpses. They want to make sure a pandemic is avoided, after all.” Bertholdt wiped sweat from his brow. “How awful that would be. Us securing Trost from the titans only to succumb to a pandemic.” 

“I’m not going out from some disease! I gotta go back home to Ragako and see my bro and sis! They’ll be so mad at me if I become a badass titan killer then just get sick.” Bertholdt smiled whenever Connie started rambling about his little brother and sister. He always wondered what it was like to have a little sibling, but his parents never had another. 

Bertholdt bit his lip and wondered if a baby sibling would’ve survived the day Hillfar was destroyed, but there was no sense wondering about a sibling that never even existed. 

“Is that Jean over there? He isn’t moving or doing anything?” Connie asked after a moment. Bertholdt glanced up and saw the shape in the distance. Yes, that looked like Jean. Starting late yesterday, some of the cleanup squads started encountering one another as the volume of bodies to recover decreased. 

“Yeah. Let me go check on him.” Bertholdt didn’t get a response, because Connie became distracted by something Ymir had said that drew an indignant reaction. It took a moment to walk over to Jean, but curiously he was still standing in the same spot. “Hey, Jean, I… haven’t…” 

…Marco? Was that Marco? 

Bertholdt’s eyes went wide, and he understood why Jean seemed frozen. 

Marco was bitten in half, it looked like. He was just laying there against the wall, his remaining eye open. He didn’t look like he’d been thrown back up, because it was just him. 

“Jean?” Bertholdt glanced behind him at Jean and saw him staring blankly at the ground. He walked up behind his friend and put his hand on Jean’s back. Jean glanced behind him, then shook his head and looked back at the body against the wall. “Jean? Are you okay?” 

“Marco… I knew I hadn’t seen him, but I hadn’t thought too much about it…” Jean trembled, but then put a hand on his head. A masked woman nearby was writing down something, then pointed to another soldier. “I hadn’t seen you, or Reiner, or anyone else really…” 

“Jean…” Jean turned and started staring at Marco’s corpse. He wasn’t sure what to do, or think. Bertholdt simply stood behind Jean and watched. He didn’t want to do or say anything that might upset Jean. The sound of a cart approaching caught Bertholdt’s attention, and he looked to the side to see a full cart being taken away. 

“We can get this one. Go ahead and put it on here for me.” The Garrison soldier said. Yes, another cart full of bodies had been collected, and was being taken away. Tomorrow they would start the process of cremating the dead. And now Marco would be one of many tossed into the pyre. Bertholdt glanced to Jean, then Marco. “Did you hear me? We can fit this one on the cart too.” 

“Jean… he needs to go. I’m sorry.” Bertholdt said softly, but Jean shook his head and walked closer to the corpse. He almost seemed to be putting himself between the body and the cart, like he didn’t want to face Marco being taken away. 

“Come on now, we need to get this cleanup wrapped up. We have thousands of evacuees waiting to come back home. We need to get the last of the bodies taken away.” The Garrison soldier seemed to be getting impatient by Jean’s lack of movement. “Come on, kid. We’ve all lost people we care about. We need to hurry it up.” 

Bertholdt was ready to pick up Marco’s body himself. Put it onto the cart so that Jean didn’t have to. Because deep down, he knew he wouldn’t want to be in Jean’s place. He knew he couldn’t pick up Reiner’s corpse and toss it into a cart to be taken away. But Jean reached down and scooped up the corpse, then walked over to the cart. He delicately placed Marco into the cart and stroked his hair before turning away. Bertholdt saw Jean wipe at his eyes, then he heard a choked sob. 

Jean quickly went back to work. To distract himself, it would seem. 

Bertholdt chewed his lip and watched one of his closest friends be taken away. Jean really was stronger than him. There was no doubt about it. 

  


“The Survey Corps captured a couple of titans and has them captive. The last two inside Trost to not be killed. They’re heavily restrained so they can’t move. Apparently one of the leaders in the Survery Corps is a titan researcher.” Reiner was making small talk with Bertholdt before the funeral pyre. The bodies had all been taken to an area cleared out for the purpose. “I saw them, actually. When I was leaving Trost to come here.” 

“Really? What was it like?” Bertholdt asked. They were cleaning themselves up after another long day of cleaning bodies. They’d be leaving shortly. Reiner shrugged his shoulders and thought back. 

“The leader who was in charge? They were so excited, shouting about how exciting it all was. Their assistant kept pulling them away from the titans because they kept getting too close. One of them was a small titan, the other was a bit bigger but not huge. There were dozens of spikes keeping them immobile.” Reiner paused for a second and then laughed. “Christa saw them, too. You know how caring she is, she wondered if being spiked to the ground was hurting them…” 

“That sounds like Christa.” Bertholdt put on his fresh uniform. All the uniforms they had been wearing were going to be decontaminated, but they’d be getting new uniforms shortly regardless. Then the 107th Cadet Corps would wear the uniforms they’d have had the past several years. They would begin training as soon as the 104th were gone. “Jean is upset. I don’t know how to help him.” 

“I don’t know, either. We can give him space, but be there for him when he needs it.” Reiner rested his head against Bertholdt’s chest and made sure the heartbeats were there. “I think I’m still in shock over all of this. Marco really is gone, huh?” 

“Yes. He’s gone. But we’re still here.” Reiner was silent, then nodded. 

“Yes, we’re still here. Me and you.” 

  


Reiner and Bertholdt stood, but Jean and Connie sat on the ground close to the pyre. How Jean sat so close, they couldn’t be sure. The heat would be unbearable, especially in the uniform jackets that they all wore. Sasha was standing next to Reiner, a blank expression on her face. 

There were too few pyres here for all the bodies that had been gathered. Maybe most of the bodies had already been burned. It didn’t matter anymore. Regardless of whether or not the bodies were burned, their comrades were still never coming back. 

Funerals were for the living, anyways. 

“We all trained so much over the past three years. All the teambuilding exercises, the survival, the ODM gear, the unarmed combat, the lectures… did it all mean nothing in the end? They graduated like we did…” Reiner’s pondering was quiet, but Bertholdt didn’t respond. His eyes kept drifting to Jean, who was absentmindedly clutching a charred bone fragment. He looked to be deep in thought. 

Was it Marco’s bone fragment? Had Marco’s body even been in this pyre, and not in one of the others nearby? Bertholdt had no way of knowing. Surely Marco’s body was somewhere in one of the pyres burning now. His corpse was collected well into the last day of gathering bodies. 

Again, it didn’t matter. 

The events of the last few days made Bertholdt anxious. Staring mortality in the face. Death was inevitable. He’d avoided it for now. He swallowed and glanced down at Reiner. How would Reiner die? In the line of duty, like Marco? Maybe they’d live long lives together… and Reiner would pass away peacefully in his sleep. On the farm that he and Reiner will have lived their lives together on. Would he die first, or would Reiner? 

He was only sixteen… he was supposed to have his entire life ahead of him. Bertholdt didn’t voice his worries to Reiner. Instead, he scooted just a little bit closer to Reiner to have him near. 

“What… what do I do now?” The words were mumbled so quietly, Reiner barely heard them. Bertholdt didn’t seem to notice. Reiner’s eyes darted over to Jean, who was shakily standing up. He was staring into the pyre and clutching the bone fragment tightly in his hand. “Hey… you guys…” 

Connie stopped clutching at his head. He’d been shaking his head while Jean had been eerily still while watching the fire. Sasha looked absolutely exhausted, the bubbly energy about her long gone. 

“Have you all decided which branch of the military you’re going to join?” A tense silence, broken only by the cracking sounds of bone coming apart into fragments in the fire. “Because… I… I’m going to join the Survey Corps.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm going to try and get another chapter up soon. I gotta make up for all the time I didn't update this story!   
<3


	11. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt swallowed thickly and looked to his side. Reiner was giving him an intense look, and the meaning behind his words the night before became apparent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the wait between chapters, I promise I'm trying to be better. This is my favorite project to work on, after all ^^

It was tense after the mass funeral. Tomorrow, they would be selecting the regiment they would be joining. The Garrison, The Military Police, or the Survey Corps. Bertholdt and Reiner tiredly laid down into their beds that they'd pushed together. Tomorrow would be their last night in the room they'd lived in with their comrades for the past few days. ...No, the last few days it had just been them two. Before the disaster in Trost, they'd shared it with their comrades. 

They were gone now. Gone, and never coming back. If they even _had_ bodies after Trost, they'd long been cremated. The families of those who couldn't be accounted for after the battle were still being contacted. Mr. and Mrs. Bodt in Jinae... did they know yet that they would never see their son again? That he made it to the Military Police and was going to fulfill his dream? Probably not. Jinae was a ways away from Trost. Long-distance travelling to inform civilians of their family member's deaths was not a high priority to the government at the moment. 

"...Reiner." The air was still, broken only by Bertholdt's soft voice. Even their breathing had been silent. Neither of them were close to falling asleep. Seeing all their comrades, their found family these past three years, being cremated had imparted unto them a sense of finality. Marco was gone, Thomas was gone, Mina was gone. The carefree days they'd had as cadets were over, and now they were about to start the rest of their lives as adults. Soldiers. It was weighing unbearably heavy on their minds. 

"Yes, Bertl?" Reiner replied gently. They were snuggled up to one another, clinging for comfort. They had barely seen one another the past few days. At least comforting arms awaited them both in the privacy of the formerly buzzing room. 

"...I want to go home, Reiner." Bertholdt sniffled and buried his head into Reiner's chest. "I want to go home so bad... I miss Hillfar. I miss mama and daddy, and the way daddy would read with me. I miss playing with you in the forest. I just want to go home." 

"I know, Bertl... I know. I want to go home too." Reiner was quiet, then laughed sadly to himself. "Remember the way mom would try and get you to feed Bucket but you didn't want to get her spit on your hands? But then after you fed her the first time you always wanted to feed her." Bertholdt exhaled through his nose and then let out a tiny chuckle at the memory. Why he was fine feeding his family's horse but not a cow was beyond him. "And sometimes Elric would go out into the forest with us looking for those mushrooms that mom liked to cook." 

"I remember. It was... nice. I just wish we could go back to those days. When we were carefree and the only thing that mattered was what we were going to play the next day. We never finished our fort." Bertholdt and Reiner both had the mental image of their hometown stuck in their heads. "Do you remember the way the sunrise looked when we would climb up the hills by our house? I wonder if it still looks the same now." 

"I'm sure it does. Just... well, just without Hillfar sitting at the bottom of the hill." Reiner paused and shook his head. "I guess our old houses are still there. Titans don't care about buildings. There are probably plants growing all over the houses now. You know, as macabre as it is... I bet it's still really pretty." 

"I want to go back to our hometown, Reiner." Bertholdt was practically walking around his hometown within his mind. He remembered where the houses were, the small shops... Liza lived really close to Reiner, and Elric lived by the shop where they bought books for his father. A smile crossed his face when he remembered going to Reiner's house and watching the chickens they owned walk around. "More than anything. I want to go back." 

"I know, Bertl, I know..." Reiner exhaled heavily and remembered their home. His mother waking him up in the morning and telling him to stop sleeping in so late. His aunt's swollen belly, and the baby cousin she carried. Uncle Tobias telling him to stop taking his hat. Bertholdt's father playing chess with him while Bertholdt trotted around the house following his mother. "I want to go back too." 

"Do you think we'll ever get to go home, Reiner?" The tense silence that followed made Bertholdt close his eyes and shake his head. The reality was that they lived in lost territory. The world beyond Wall Rose was gone, and deep down he knew it. And Reiner did too. "Reiner?" 

"Hmm?" He had been interrupted from his thoughts. He'd been thinking about his mother. How far did she make it past Wall Rose before she died? Did she die with Uncle Tobias? At the very least, he hoped she didn't suffer too much when she died. God willing, it was quick and painless. Reiner's tired eyes glanced down and met Bertholdt's. 

"Uhm... I was thinking about what Jean said earlier this evening. At the funeral. I... I think I want to join the Survey Corps, Reiner." Reiner froze and held Bertholdt against him, but said nothing. Bertholdt noticed the difference in the rhythm of Reiner's breathing. He braced himself for Reiner to get upset, to start yelling, to start calling him an idiot with a death wish. 

"Why?" All Bertholdt got was the softly spoken whisper. Reiner's eyes were immensely vulnerable, like they were desperate for answers. "Why do you want to join the Survey Corps, Bertl?" It wasn't what Bertholdt expected, but in all honesty he was relieved. Reiner clung tightly to him and Bertholdt realized he was seeking comfort. Bertholdt scooted up and let Reiner be the little spoon. 

"I just... everything that's happened the past few days. All those meaningless deaths. They died for nothing. Our families died for nothing. The commander of the Garrison himself said your mother and uncle died for nothing. I... I want to go home, Reiner. The only way to go home is to fight." 

"...I know you're right, Bertholdt." Reiner sighed and buried his head into Bertholdt's chest. "I remember what Mikasa said. If we don't fight, we can't win. But I'm so scared to fight, Bertholdt." Reiner squeezed at Bertholdt's shirt and looked up, and much to Bertholdt's surprise he saw tears leaking out of Reiner's eyes. "I'm not afraid of dying. I believe there's something other than this. I believe my mom is in a better place now. But I'm afraid of losing you, Bertholdt." 

"Reiner..." 

"I can't lose you, Bertl. I just can't. I've lost too many people I care about. The thought of going on without you is too much to bear..." It was a rare moment of vulnerability for Reiner. Bertholdt gently held his beloved and rocked him back and forth. "You're the last person I care about the way I do. I'd be sad if I lost more of my friends, Bertl, but if I lost you I don't know what I would do." 

"We can do it, Reiner. You're smart and strong. I know as long as you're by my side we can do anything. Even go home." Bertholdt ran a hand along Reiner's cheek and watched the stray tear drip down his cheek. Being told that his mother and uncle died for nothing was weighing heavily on his mind. "We can go home, and build it back. Then maybe we can have our farm, and raise cows like you want. We can even finish out fort." 

Reiner's unsteady breaths ensured the room wasn't silent. A deep exhale, then Reiner shook his head against Bertholdt's chest. "Do you think if Wall Maria were retaken, mom's death would still have been in vain?" A heavy question. Bertholdt closed his eyes and remembered the last time he'd ever seen Karina. A pointless death to "retake Wall Maria" as the government had said. No military training, no hope of defeating those monsters. The stragglers that came back seemed to wish for death. 

"I don't think it was in vain now, Reiner. She loved you and did what she had to to keep you safe. At least that's what I think." Bertholdt ran his hand through Reiner's hair. Whenever Reiner didn't say anything, he glanced down and noticed the now-steady rise and fall of Reiner's chest. Reiner must be absolutely exhausted, and he just couldn't take the stress of his situation. "Your mother and uncle would've done anything to make sure you were safe. In the end, knowing you and I were safe was probably enough for them." 

He felt a pang of guilt for upsetting Reiner. Bertholdt closed his eyes and delicately kissed Reiner's temple. 

What did the future hold? Would he ever get to go home? Reiner's shaky breaths slowed to steady inhales and exhales as he fell asleep. The events of the past few days opened up old wounds for them both. Bertholdt sighed and stroked Reiner's hair. 

As long as Reiner was there by his side, it didn't matter if they were Survey Corps, Garrison, or Military Police. It would be okay. 

  


"This is so damn stupid, why are we even here?" Reiner's eyes glanced to the side, where the disgruntled cadet complained out of earshot of the soldiers. The Survey Corps had captured two titans and were using them for experimental purposes to understand their nature. For some reason that nobody knew, an unknown assailant slaughtered both of them under the cover of night. 

Section Commander Hange Zoe apparently had a meltdown that was near-legendary. They apparently loved the titans, named Sonny and Bean. All cadets were rounded up and now their ODM gear was being examined. The person doing the examinations was currently scrutinizing poor Sasha. Anyone that knew her would know Sasha was too unmotivated to kill harmless titans for no reason. The person holding a clipboard noted there was a record of her last activity and moved on to the next person. 

Eventually they made it to Bertholdt. The man looked sternly at him, then down at the equipment. "When was the last time you used your equipment?" Bertholdt kept his breathing steady. He wasn't guilty of anything so he had no reason to be anxious. If anything, he was anxious about the recruitment solicitation ceremony. 

"...Okay, this young man's statements are in order." The men nodded and moved on from Bertholdt. Of course, Reiner's gear was in order too. As time wore on, it seemed everyone's gear was in order. It felt like a waste of time. Yes, the titans were valuable to the Survey Corps, but the whole situation seemed pointless when talking to every cadet yielded no culprits. 

How did they even know it was supposed to be a cadet? There were plenty of Garrison soldiers in Trost that would be able to kill two restrained titans. And plenty of them had all the reason in the world to kill the titans after the destruction of their home. The two of them left after the soldiers dismissed them. Some of the cadets were hanging out with one another, but all they wanted to do was get a snack before the ceremony. 

"Sweet rolls always make me feel so much better..." Bertholdt sighed happily when the sugar melted onto his tongue. Still rare treats, but maybe with their salaries that they'd be earning they could afford them more often. Reiner was mooching off Bertholdt's sweet rolls at the moment; he was saving money for some meat. He just needed to have some tender lamb, which was egregiously expensive now. He hadn't gotten himself anything in months. The dinner he and Bertholdt would make with it would be fantastic and worth the wait. 

"I was thinking about what you said last night, Bertl." Bertholdt glanced to the side and looked at Reiner. He was absentmindedly fidgeting with the cuff of his uniform jacket. For some reason, Bertholdt gave thought to the fact that they'd be getting new jackets shortly. "I want to go home too. Maybe... maybe we could go home someday. I mean, we survived in Trost even when it looked bad. And the people in the Survey Corps are skilled." 

"You don't have to join the Survey Corps just because of our talk last night, Reiner. You know I'll follow you wherever it is you decide to go." Reiner looked at Bertholdt, then shook his head seriously. 

"You have agency too, Bertl. I wish you would take the lead more often. You know I value what you think and what you have to say." There was a silence between them until it was time to head to the recruitment ceremony. It looked like Jean, Sasha, Connie and Annie had been talking to one another when they arrived. 

"Hey, Armin! I've barely seen you the past few days." Bertholdt said cheerfully when he saw Armin before the ceremony. Reiner had drifted off with Sasha, who was clinging to his arm. "Where have you been?" 

"O-oh, well... I'm not actually allowed to talk about it. Sorry, Bertholdt." Armin scratched his nose before he gave an awkward smile. "But I'm glad to see you again. I didn't get a chance to say hi this morning before they started examining our equipment. It's disappointing to know that they couldn't figure out who killed those titans." 

"Yeah... but I did hear it's a good thing we weren't there to witness Section Commander Zoe's meltdown. I heard you could hear their screams from several kilometers away." Armin laughed lightly and shook his head. It was definitely unfortunate, but the way things were going they would probably try to capture more titans in the future. "S-so, there's something I wanted to tell you." 

Armin cocked his head and looked up at his friend. Bertholdt fidgeted with the cuff of his sleeve then met Armin's eyes. "Huh? What is it, Bertholdt? You look anxious, did something happen?" 

"N-no, at least not yet. But I talked to Reiner... I might join the Survey Corps." Armin's eyes seemed to light up and a wide smile crossed his face, and before he knew it Bertholdt felt a pair of arms around his torso. Bertholdt relaxed and pet the top of Armin's head, then smiled nervously at his friend. "W-we're not for sure, yet... but I talked to him about it last night. About our home, our families..." 

"What did he have to say about it?" Armin crossed his arms, him processing the news. Most likely, if Bertholdt were following Reiner's lead, they would still head to the Military Police. But Bertholdt seemed to have a goal in mind, Armin could tell from the way he spoke. Bertholdt could be tight-lipped about his most intimate thoughts and feelings, and prying information from him would be a challenge. Armin let it be. 

"He said he wants me to have more agency. I don't entirely understand what he meant." The two of them went back to idly chatting, Armin bringing up the idea of seeing the sea one day to Bertholdt. It would be interesting to see. The thought of a lake so big and full of salt... but Bertholdt' priorities were elsewhere. There were plenty of things inside the walls to see. He just wanted to go home. 

Soon, they were all instructed to line up with the top ten in a line at the front. They were going to pick their regiments, and only the top ten would be allowed to join the Military Police. A tall and broad blond man went onto the stage before them, then crossed his arms behind his back. 

"Today, you will select the regiments you wish to join. I am here to formally invite you to join the Survey Corps. My name is Erwin Smith, Commander over the Survey Corps. I have been given supreme authority over all Survey Corps activity by King Fritz himself." Bertholdt swallowed when he looked at the man. So large, and with a voice so full of authority that he felt the need to just listen to every word this man had to say. He didn't seem to be looking at anyone in particular within the crowd, but at the same time it was almost like he was sizing up every single one of them. 

"I should let you know that the titan attack in Trost is similar to what the average excursion outside the walls is like. Every single person here knows what they are capable of. And what the titans are capable of. I will admit, I was absolutely terrified the first time I ever saw a titan." Reiner grit his teeth and stared at the ground. If this man, Erwin Smith, was terrified of the titans... what was it like for his mom? He remembered when he saw the titans as a child, how powerless he felt. 

"I'm not at liberty to discuss much, but as you all know we have an unprecedented path forward. Eren Jaeger transformed into a titan and sealed the hole in Trost. He has proven himself to me to be an ally willing to die for the sake of humanity. Within his home in Shinganshina lies the truth to the nature of the titans. I believe with his help, and _your_ help, we as humans will be that much closer to defeating the titans." 

There were hopeful murmurs among the crowd of cadets, and Bertholdt found himself uplifted. Those feelings were quashed when Commander Smith laid out the reality of Trost's gate being sealed: all the supply routes established over the last four years were lost. All that work was lost. And in that time approximately 90% of Survey Corps soldiers were killed. Hearing the crushing realities of the Survey Corps' mission and the mortality probability was disturbing. 

Fifty percent of new cadets die in their first expedition? The first expedition was in a month? The thought of his life ending in less than a month almost made Bertholdt want to vomit. But Reiner was standing next to him, stoic as ever. Bertholdt didn't let his anxiety show, instead standing straight and hiding behind the façade. 

"Most of you who stay here and join the Survey Corps will die. I cannot stress that enough. Most of you will be dead in the next four years. If you are willing to put your life on the line for humanity, stay. I will ask you: If I told you to die, would you do it?" 

There was a tense silence. The sound of the torches crackling was the only sound to be heard. 

"Anyone wishing to join another regiment, you are dismissed." Bertholdt and Reiner both glanced around, noticing most of the people around them were leaving. Bertholdt swallowed thickly and looked to his side. Reiner was giving him an intense look, and the meaning behind his words the night before became apparent. 

_Take agency._

Reiner was leaving it up to him. Were they going to join the Military Police, or the Survey Corps? 

Bertholdt squeezed his eyes shut and ground his teeth. He wanted to go home. He wanted to go back to Hillfar, with Reiner by his side. He wanted things to be different than they were now. He wanted all those deaths to mean something. 

His eyes opened when he felt Reiner's calloused hand slip from their resting position to grab his own, giving it a firm squeeze. Bertholdt knew what Reiner was trying to say without actually saying it. 

_I trust you._

With Reiner by his side, he was stronger. And Reiner was stronger with him. Bertholdt smiled at his companion, then they both returned to standing tall. Bertholdt knew what he wanted. He wanted to go home. He wanted to defeat the monsters that took their families away. And he knew they could do it. 

"I see... about twenty of you? Excellent! I welcome you all to the Survey Corps!" Commander Smith quickly gave a powerful salute, then boomed loudly. "Dedicate your hearts!" 

When he looked around, Bertholdt saw Krista ready to cry. She almost looked like she was shivering. Nobody else looked much better off. Jean seemed solemn, as did Connie and Sasha and even Armin. When he looked to the side, Reiner was staring at the ground as though he were in deep thought. When Reiner glanced up, he gave Bertholdt a nervous smile. 

"Bertholdt... I love you." 

Somehow, those three words didn't make him feel as good as they normally did. 

  


After the ceremony, the two of them returned to their room. Their first week's pay was to be disbursed tomorrow. Survey Corps weren't as well-paid as the Military Police, but they were paid better than the Garrison due to the immense personal risk the soldiers were putting upon themselves. Reiner was satisfied with the pay; along with his savings, he would be able to buy some meat for him and Bertholdt to enjoy. 

"They're moving us to Karanes tomorrow. We'll stay there the whole month before it's time for the next expedition." Bertholdt said quietly. It wasn't too tense, and Bertholdt realized that Reiner really had put his full faith into him. Reiner pulled him close, then buried his head into Bertholdt's shoulder. "It's almost sad... I'll miss this room. You and I have spent a lot of time together here..." 

"With some of our money, we could rent a little apartment in Karanes for a month instead of staying for free in the barracks." There was an awkward silence while Reiner thought to himself. "Apparently one-month rentals were common in Trost because Survey Corps soldiers left from Trost. I think Karanes will probably do the same." 

One-month rentals for the soldiers who would die and never come back. Bertholdt almost didn't want to entertain the thought, but being alone with Reiner was preferable to spending their time crammed in barracks like the past three years. 

"Yes, we can do that. We'll have more privacy that way. ...It's like today is the first day of the rest of our lives." Bertholdt changed into his pajamas and sat on the edge of the bed. Reiner followed suit, then sat next to him. "Reiner. We're going to go home. I promise you. We'll go home." 

"I know, Bertl, I know." Reiner was quiet, then stood and went to his box with his meager belongings. He seemed to rummage for a moment, then grabbed something in the palm of his hand. Reiner sat back down next to Bertholdt and exhaled heavily. "Bertholdt. I wanted to talk to you about something. Especially now that we've joined the Survey Corps." 

"What is it, Reiner?" Reiner took Bertholdt's hand and squeezed it, then met his eyes. His eyes were vulnerable, and he almost seemed afraid. "Reiner?" 

"Bertholdt. The last few days have made me realize how short life can be. Marco, Thomas, Mina... Mama, and Uncle Tobias... and now that we're joining the Survey Corps, I'm afraid of losing you. I don't want to miss out on anything with you. I can't bear the thought of losing you." 

"Reiner..." Regret made him feel cold. Reiner was afraid. He was too. Afraid of the unknown. Afraid of not knowing if two months from now they would be alive and well. But Reiner squeezed his hand again, then shook his head. 

"I can't miss out on anything with you. I love you too much." Reiner looked down at his closed hand, then gestured for Bertholdt to offer his hand. He stuck it out, and Reiner produced Uncle Tobias's wedding ring. "Marry me, Bertholdt?" 

"Oh, Reiner..." Bertholdt took Uncle Tobias's ring and put it on his finger. It slid on easily, and Bertholdt sniffled. Reiner's eyes were waiting for a response, to which Bertholdt wrapped his arms around Reiner's neck and held him gently. "Yes... of course I'll marry you. I love you..." He squeezed his eyes shut, and Bertholdt realized he was starting to cry. Reiner let out a relieved sigh and smiled, then rested his forehead against Bertholdt's. Tears dripped out of Reiner's eyes while he grabbed Bertholdt's hand and brought it to his face. Gentle kisses landed upon each of Bertholdt's knuckles before Reiner tenderly started to stroke Bertholdt's face. 

"I love you. We... we'll go home, Bertl. You and I will go home, and we'll be happy together. We'll have our farm. Raise our chickens. Maybe even one day adopt a kid. Anything is okay, as long as you're with me." The two of them scooted closer to the end of their pushed-together beds and laid side-by-side. "I don't know what the future is going to look like, Bertl... I just want you there with me. Forever." 

"I don't know either. But of course I'll marry you... I want you with me forever too." Bertholdt laughed and let Reiner snuggle him. They scooted so that they were completely on one bed, as close as they could get. Reiner gently pecked Bertholdt's cheeks and laughed through his happy tears. He was absolutely terrified of what the future held, but he was safe with Bertholdt. 

"Reiner..." Reiner hummed and blinked back his tears, then looked up at Bertholdt. "You said you don't want to miss out on anything with me. I don't want to miss out on anything with you either." Reiner closed his eyes and nuzzled back into his love. 

"Oh, Bertl..." 

"Reiner..." He looked up again and found Bertholdt's eyes holding an intense expression. "I don't want to miss out on _anything_ with you..." A hand drifted down to Reiner's hip, then rubbed along his hip and thigh. The meaning behind Bertholdt's words became apparent, and Reiner blushed. "I just love you is all." 

Reiner leaned forward and pressed his lips against Bertholdt's. He sighed happily, then pulled Bertholdt as close to himself as he could. 

Yes, he was afraid of the future. But now, with Bertholdt by his side in their makeshift bed, he was sure everything was going to be okay. Even if only for that night, they were safe and happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

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